The day before my son's BD...

[digitalwanderer]

My son got in trouble in school today, he accidentally hit a girl in gym. I didn't believe the "accidentally" part at first either, but after hearing the story and talking to his teacher/principal I do.

He was playing a game of some sort and he got tagged out early, which happens a lot as he ain't very fast. (Not meaning to be insulting to him, just helping to explain what happens next)

He gets frustrated about that, and frustration for him equals "pissed off".

He started ranting a bit and he had a bloody nose (which isn't uncommon for him either) so a girl in his class ran over to comfort him/offer him aid. He was flailing around in anger and didn't see her get close and clocked her pretty good I guess.

The girl went to the nurse for an icepack, my son went to the principals for a discussion.

The principal was really cool, as Justin knew he made a mistake and was feeling awful about it. The girl he hit was a friend of his and he really didn't mean to, but he did and she was hurt and rules are rules so Justin has to do a day of in-school suspension tomorrow.

On his 10th birthday.

Now, this wouldn't be all that bad as it was an accident and I think I've FINALLY gotten thru to Justin on the importance of controlling his temper...'cept I thought he'd gotten a grip on his temper and I'd ran out this afternoon and picked him up an airsoft pistol/range/glasses behind Chris' back figuring he was old/responsible enough.

This little incident is not exactly indicative of that.

So that's where I'm at. Got off the phone with the principal and I've agreed to the suspension tomorrow, he suggested I bring cupcakes to class a different day as Just will be sitting outside the office all day tomorrow and won't see his classmates.

Call me crazy, but I don't want to send him to school tomorrow. I think I'm gonna go against the whole world and just call him in sick and let him enjoy his birthday, his punishment can wait until Thursday..can't it? :|

 

[Sxotty]

I would not call him in sick.

Do what you will tho.

 

[Skrying]

I certainly would not call him in sick. He'll get over the suspension. Just because its your birthday doesn't mean you should get a out of jail card. The rules apply him to like others, you're only creating exceptions over minor issues if you do this. He lost his temper and has to do the punishment...

 

[AlNom]

I agree... it sucks that it was a mistake and so close to his bday, but rules are rules; it's important for a growing child to understand that.

On the bright side, Junior has a giiiirlfriend. (They're still friends right? :|)

I had/have a bad temper, and I was in a pretty similar situation (around the same age too) except I got into a fight with another kid. One of the girls tried to get me to calm down, but I accidentally shoved her into the wall. (she crept up on me like Sam Fisher). I was in deep trouble for that one...

 

[Mize]

Dig, I'm a very firm believer in rigid boundaries. Flexibility may seem "nice" and "fun" but it ultimately undermines their development and security. Understanding "do the crime do the time" is crucial.

That said, the punishment seems a bit extreme. I think a heartfelt letter of apology and reflection on anger would be much better than boring the snot out of him all day.

 

[Sonic]

I do think the punishment of an in school suspension is a bit much for an accident. Then again those are the rules the school has set out for that type of behavior. There's a lesson to be learned in there somewhere. He lost his temper and has to pay the consequences and on his birthday no doubt. I think this punishment might be good in the end as he has all day to think about what happened and how he has to pay for it even on his special day.

You can still celebrate the birthday when he gets home from school in the afternoon.

Hopefully the girl will learn a valuable lesson to and be a little more wary when approaching someone who's in anger.

 

[tongue_of_colicab]

Call me crazy, but I don't want to send him to school tomorrow. I think I'm gonna go against the whole world and just call him in sick and let him enjoy his birthday, his punishment can wait until Thursday..can't it?

Im not a parent or anything but I had my fare share of problems at school but I wouldnt call him in sick. IMO that shows that he can get away with ''bad'' things, even if it was a accident. If he already has a short temper, and with puberty coming up, knowing that he might get away with things isnt what you want. I can now as im the living example. I gave my parents hell for a couple of years.

I dont think detention is the right way to go. He obviously didnt intend to hit the girl, and probably didnt even see her so saying he has to do detention because he hit someone is wrong.

However the earlier he learns that school (and life) isnt always fair the better. I dont know your kid so please dont take this as a insult or me trying to label him, but i've seen more kids with short tempers (including myself, though for me it started around 13 when I got into puberty and I only went on rampages at home) and your bound to meet a couple of teachers sooner or later that will do their best to get at you. The sooner he learns that sometimes you just have to put up with shit you didnt do or is unfair the better.

OTOH, he's 10 years old. When I was 13 (believe it or not) some baldheaded teacher had me come to school 1 hour before class on my birthday. I came, he didnt show up. Even when you are 13 that stings (I always got my presents in the morning) and I even knew I did something wrong more or less. He didnt do somethings wrong, atleast not on purpose and he said he was sorry.

All in all, I wouldnt cut the detention but make a deal with the head that he doesnt have to stay all day long and that they'll go easy on him because afterall he's just a kid and knows that he did something wrong so no need to get all hard on him on his birthday.



Slightly offtopic btw, I dont think a ball gun is a good present for a 10 year old with a short temper. Unless you dont mind people missing a eye sooner or later Balls will be flying around you head all day long lol

 

[Sxotty]

BTW Digi when I was in kindergarten a girl kissed me and I hit her and she hit a pole and got knocked out. I got in trouble and deserved it. Even if the punishment is unfair it is still incredibly unwise to let him off.

Send him to school, like others said have his birthday at home still afterwards. You want to show him you love him and that he has to pay the consequences for his actions, not that you love him and will get him off the hook when he screws up.

It sounds like his temper is the problem not the accident so much, and perhaps you can get it across to him that his temper landed him in hot water.

 

[digitalwanderer]

He's aware it's his anger, he's even been enrolled in an anger management course at the school for the last few months. It has been helping too, I'm hoping to use this incident to reinforce the importance of control.

 

[LunchBox]

so sorry to hear what happened.
specially that the punishment is happening on his birthday.
i was going to suggest that maybe you can talk/threaten/beg the principal into getting the suspension on thursday instead.
but since it's his birthday now.
all I can do is wish him a happy birthday!!!!!!

i'm sure you'll do what's best for your kid

 

[Davros]

sounds like he's hyperactive or something has he been tested for food alergies i know tartrazine is supposed to make some kids hyperactive ?

 

[Skrying]

sounds like he's hyperactive or something has he been tested for food alergies i know tartrazine is supposed to make some kids hyperactive ?

Or he's a kid.

 

[digitalwanderer]

He's in school sitting outside the office.

 

[_xxx_]

I'd get that girl and make him let her knock him out, so he learns that the anger goes both ways. Or let him get into a fight with a bigger boy who'll kick his arse thoroughly, so next time he feels that anger he'll think twice about letting it out.

And let him get his punishment, it's important to grasp the concept. Sitting outside the office for a day is not that bad, really. Just make the b-day party nice.

 

[AlNom]

I'd get that girl and make him let her knock him out, so he learns that the anger goes both ways. Or let him get into a fight with a bigger boy who'll kick his arse thoroughly, so next time he feels that anger he'll think twice about letting it out.

How does that solve anything? You could be putting fear into him or feelings of helplessness. He recognized it was an accident. He just has to learn how to control himself so that these 'accidents' don't happen again. Who knows, maybe this incident can be the catalyst for him to really try. He says he felt really terrible about it.

Do the anger management courses discuss such things? i.e. "What starts out as an accident can escalate further through misunderstanding etc." Not everyone he hits is going to be a friend. I'd try impressing that upon him instead...

(my 2 cents...)

 

[tongue_of_colicab]

Letting him off the hook just because it was a accident might only do more bad than good in the long run. He knows he's wrong, I assume the principle didnt schold him it being an accident, Digi isnt mad at him so he knows nobody is mad at him and that he just needs to have detention because of the rules, not because he did something bad (well, he did but not on purpose).

 

[digitalwanderer]

Letting him off the hook just because it was a accident might only do more bad than good in the long run. He knows he's wrong, I assume the principle didnt schold him it being an accident, Digi isnt mad at him so he knows nobody is mad at him and that he just needs to have detention because of the rules, not because he did something bad (well, he did but not on purpose).

Yeah, that's about it. Justin wrote a 3 page apology last night that we had delivered to the girl in the classroom this morning, and the principal this morning was in good cheer and felt bad about the suspension on his BD and all...but rules is rules.

The principal was surprised I hadn't called him off, he thought I would. I told him I was going to, but didn't after much internal debate. The principal was proud of Justin if anything, Just fucked up but right after knew he did and did all the right things to try and make it better.

He's still gotta quit the initial "fucking up" bit, but he's a good kid and he's really improved this year. Now I get to go pick him up and spoil him rotten, much easier for me.

 

[SugarCoat]

whats school coming to these days, we use to try to nail eachother in the back of the head in a game we called "Off the wall" at recess when i was that age. No connection to the MJ album by the way. It does not feel good at all to take a racquetball (tennis balls can be substituted but racquetballs work best) in the back, neck, or head area why sprinting let me tell ya, still, no one had an issue with it.

I dont agree with a full days suspension for an obvious (if all parties agree it want intentional) accident at all, especially if he wacked a friend who was trying to comfort which would personally already make me feel quite terrible. To me that seems like a result of all the school shootings creating overly strict rules in an attempt to avoid further incidents. Not saying your sons nuts Digi, just that i think hes getting unfairly punished by a system that keeps getting less and less lenient. I dont know, i think i'd problably be bitter about it, i used to dislike getting even 30min of detention after school let alone a day worth.

Does he have the irish temper by chance? I know that one well!

 

[digitalwanderer]

He gets a bit of Irish temper from me, with about a full 25% of Italian rage from his mother's side.

Me and my wife both had "anger control issues" our ownselves growing up, this isn't exactly unexpected....more like a personality trait.

Everyone involved in the incident did all agree that it was unintentional btw, and he's all done with his punishment. I can't blame the school really, I like their zero tolerance towards violence attitude. Besides, an in-school suspension in elementary school means nothing...it won't kill his college chances or nothing!

He's been having an insanely good time since he got home. Got himself a black DS w/R4 and a genuine Airsoft pistol and we've all been having a blast. We just got done with our 3rd round of target practice in the hallway. (Got a target with netting on the back to catch BBs on a chair that has a blanket on it that is in front of a blanket hanging on the wall, don't want ricochets and yes I am paranoid and over-protective. ) The kids are in love with target shooting, and they're both horrible shots. They'll have fun learning the tricks.

The guns are neat! You load the BBs in magazines and then insert the magazines into the pistol just like a real gun, my kids are fascinated by the whole process.

We're done with guns for tonight though, they're off in Mario/Nintendogs/Pokemon land right now deliriously happy.

 

[woundingchaney]

Call the kid in sick. We often forget how difficult it is to be a child, particularly in the iron fisted regime known as public schools (if the school is public). Im quite sure the youngster knows and understands the "need to follow the rules" as he is being punished for such nonsense. Hell, a 10 year old having an accident - imagine that or dare I say a temper. If one cannot give their child leniency on their birthday then Im not sure what situation would grant it. You calling him in to school is as much for you as it is him. Let him stay home and enjoy your time with your son on his birthday. He has the rest of his life to build character; right now it wouldnt hurt for him to appreciate his father.




PS- I am currently subbing from time to time as a teacher and finish my degree in about a year. With the nonsense I see in schools these days this is a ridiculous example of punishment; rules are made to represent a concept and if there was no ill intent in your son's actions than he made a mistake/accident and at the age of 10 (particularly with an example such as this) sometimes its good to remind a child that life can be fair.



----Oh sorry it has already been resolved.