Developers, what are some of the craziest things you seen or heard about?

[ShootMyMonkey]

Thanks for the creature stories. It was a great move writing that stuff down, making things like that up is very hard or impossible.

Some of them took little effort on my part to record. The creature, whenever it ran across something it liked, would often save it and print it out and post it on the wall somewhere. This was how it was when it saw a rendering of a chrome buggy resembling the Warthog from Halo. It printed that out and plastered it in several places. At one point, it went up to our character artist with that image and held a printout in front of his face for 4... full... minutes. Didn't say a single word, just gestured with its eyebrows and a series of winks as if to say "Hmmm? What do you think? Am I right or am I right?" And as the artist continued to push it aside or attempt to get the creature to leave, it simply stood there still holding the picture there, not saying a word.

Many of its favorite speeches it gave us were also printed out and posted as "rules by which to live" and reminders of "our place in the world." So it was somewhat easy to keep track of those, as I basically had a transcript.

Its favorite admonishment of all time -- the one that denounces skilled labor (warning, this is anything but funny)... this was actually taped by the creature's own request because it believed it was important for us to remember this one. Yes, I got a copy of that tape as did several others :
It : "Now look... I get what you're all trying to say, you know. And I totally agree with you... But that's not the way the world works, you see... you know... maybe in an ideal world, but it's not an ideal world. If there was really such a thing as 'skilled labor', where are they? What are they doing to the world? Skilled and labor is a contradiction. If that was even possible, why aren't they ruling the world? You know? If there are skilled people in the work world, why aren't there more rich people in the work world? See, the thing is that, that labor literally means you don't have the skills to make it in real life, so you always have to stay stuck at the bottom. That's why you work for me... and that's how it's supposed to be."
Ummmm... yeah.

 

[iNoV]

Its favorite admonishment of all time -- the one that denounces skilled labor (warning, this is anything but funny)... this was actually taped by the creature's own request because it believed it was important for us to remember this one. Yes, I got a copy of that tape as did several others :
It : "Now look... I get what you're all trying to say, you know. And I totally agree with you... But that's not the way the world works, you see... you know... maybe in an ideal world, but it's not an ideal world. If there was really such a thing as 'skilled labor', where are they? What are they doing to the world? Skilled and labor is a contradiction. If that was even possible, why aren't they ruling the world? You know? If there are skilled people in the work world, why aren't there more rich people in the work world? See, the thing is that, that labor literally means you don't have the skills to make it in real life, so you always have to stay stuck at the bottom. That's why you work for me... and that's how it's supposed to be."
Ummmm... yeah.

Wow lol

 

[ShootMyMonkey]

Wow lol

In my case, the first thought in my head the first time I heard that (and it did repeat this every day for 3 weeks, and got increasingly articulate with each repetition) was something along the lines of "KILL," though not in English, and a bit more saturated in hate to the point that I probably couldn't really describe too well without sounding like Edgar Allan Poe prose.

 

[cthellis42]

Honestly, man, you still seem like a sane, grounded man, but you can't POSSIBLY be after dealing with that!

Did you wall mount your PC so you can post while hanging from the rafters? That always calms me down.

 

[shuipi]

bureaucracy, ass kissing, corrupted managing director and some high managers. overly frugal to employees, value $$$ more than ppl, the idea of "more ppl means more productivity" and "hiring several mediocre ppl with low salary is better than hiring one talent with high salary" prevail among the high management.

 

[macabre]

Where I work , there is also a person we call IT sometimes. He has about the same low quality character as that creature but he is not nearly as dumb. He knows his stuff but he managed to be not liked by anyone by sometimes acting like a total maniac.
But I guess many companies have their own resident nutcase and don`t get me started about them "new generation" managers. The buisiness is so hard now, we`re slowly getting back to the middle ages. I ask myself when letting children work is gonna be re-allowed.

 

[ShootMyMonkey]

Honestly, man, you still seem like a sane, grounded man, but you can't POSSIBLY be after dealing with that!

Well, if you saw some of the emails that went around between myself and some of the people who left before the place went under, you'd probably think otherwise. I've honestly used rhetoric along the lines of "seeing that twice bastard suffocate in its own black blood until it rolls over in agony unable to squeal like the swine it is." But in reality, that level of anger or hatred strikes me as a very normal kind of thing, so I don't think too much of it.

Did you wall mount your PC so you can post while hanging from the rafters? That always calms me down.

At the office we were at, it was originally one big room with all the desks crammed together, while there were two smaller rooms behind glass partitions -- one was full of storage and work tables for the concept artists and unpaid interns (who never did get any course credit either), and the other being the creature's office which was filled with unspeakable quantities of pirated software. After a while, the artist population grew to the point where programmers and concept artists/interns got moved out into a separate room with an attached semi-kitchen (more accurately, it was a room that had a sink). Sadly, this room was attached through a side door in the creature's office, which meant that if I needed to talk to artists, the only way was to walk by the creature, risking being stopped for some inane purpose -- but I suppose I might not have had as many stories if not for that.

The thing is that this separate room was on a balcony with very short rails, and we were on the 6th floor. So we were comforted by the fact that we could jump at any time . More often, though, we relaxed by launching paper planes off the balcony. Also, we often worked late nights because when the creature was gone was basically the only time we could really get any work done.

 

[cthellis42]

But in reality, that level of anger or hatred strikes me as a very normal kind of thing, so I don't think too much of it.

O_O

You. Me. Friends! No hurt friends!

 

[Simon F]

found a challenger for SMM....

http://cybertiggyr.com/gene/tales/node10.html

 

[Rolf N]

http://cybertiggyr.com/gene/tales/node10.html

Oh dear

 

[Diamond.G]

http://cybertiggyr.com/gene/tales/node10.html

Sometimes I am glad I never got into the software development side...

 

[ShootMyMonkey]

http://cybertiggyr.com/gene/tales/node10.html

Sounds like a challenge!

Bad scheduling? Bad math? Bad logic? Bad sense of management? I've got it all!

It : So I figure, since you mentioned the whole "bug" thing, we should probably set aside some time to fix bugs.
Me : Well, bug-fixing is going to be ongoing through development, but sure, some expressly set-aside time for that would be nice.
It : I don't get what you mean by ongoing through development, but I don't care; it doesn't mean anything. So how long do you figure.
Me : Given the size of this codebase, and assuming that triage is going to be after a lot of major functional bugs along the way are cleaned up, and it's going to be a lot of esoteric and difficult-to-find bugs, so...
It : A day or two maybe?
Me : A DAY?
It : ... or two.
Me : I was thinking more like 2 months.
It : Yeah right. 2 months we could have 4 more levels done. Seriously, man.
Me : I have no words to describe the degree of wrongness in that sentence.
It : That's what debuggers are for, right? You just go to the debugger and say, "here's the bug" and it goes ... you know... "de-...bugifies" it, you know?
Me : A debugger is for tracking things down, you have to fix it yourself, and not every bug is so straightforward to track down or to fix.
It : That's why there are 5 of you. You should be able to get a good 17 bugs a day.
Me : I know I'm going to regret asking this, but how do you get 17?
It : 2 bugs a day, that's easy. 5 programmers. The fifth power of the 2 is 17.
Me : I'm going to step out to the restroom for a second...
* goes off and laughs uncontrollably in the hallway *
* comes back *
It : I decided to be lenient and give you guys 2 weeks.
Me : ............. *sigh* My heart feels lifted by your generosity.
It : I didn't get to be a millionaire by being a jerk. Okay?
Me : mmmm-hm...
It : You're acting weird, did you buy a new razor or something?
Me : huh?
It : I don't know you're acting like somebody who bought a new razor.
Me : Aside from the fact that my face is clearly covered by a beard, I really can't say I've heard of anyone acting differently on account of buying a new razor.
It : Well, it's all weirdy...
Me : I'll go report the "debugifying" schedule to everyone else...

 

[StefanS]

It : That's why there are 5 of you. You should be able to get a good 17 bugs a day.
Me : I know I'm going to regret asking this, but how do you get 17?
It : 2 bugs a day, that's easy. 5 programmers. The fifth power of the 2 is 17.
Me : I'm going to step out to the restroom for a second...
* goes off and laughs uncontrollably in the hallway *
* comes back *

OMG, this is unbelievable. I just love reading this stuff.

 

[scooby_dooby]

http://cybertiggyr.com/gene/tales/node10.html

Lol, I loved this part, talk about a nightmare:

Baltar asked me how long it would take to implement this feature (or program or whatever it was).

I thought about it for a few seconds, then said it would take eights weeks.


Baltar said ``Ah, no. We need it in two weeks.''


I shrugged.


Baltar asked if I could do it in six weeks. I thought for a few seconds & then, with reluctance, said ``Maaaaaybeeee''.


Without missing a beet, Baltar said ``Then we'll split the difference & call it four weeks.'' The meeting was over.

I'd quit on the spot

 

[Npl]

Cant say Ive been happier because of a resurrected thread.... EVER :smile:

The fifth power of the 2 is 17.

Just happens to be if your numeric base is 25. Other than that you couldnt be more wrong than picking a prime.

 

[Lycan]

Baltar sounds like a jerk but he is -at least the way I understand it- no serious contender for the title of "It"...only the creature of Shootmymonkey would get that privilege !
I mean, it sounds so funny now but one would have eaten his guts when exposed to stupidity radiations !

 

[ShootMyMonkey]

At various points, the creature would attempt to call people (usually the whole team, but sometimes just artists or just programmers) into its office and attempt to use various other sources to impress upon us that it was a great individual and that we should all be in awe of having the privilege of working for it.

So one of these involved a tape of a news program reporting on poor progress in construction projects taken on by the creature's construction company. The program covered several scenes where lanes were closed and no work had been performed at the site for around 2 months. Several side interviews with random people complaining about the state of things... the report ended on the note that "company X claims that it can still finish the project on schedule, but will require the city to pay an additional something.something million dollars." And it shuts off the TV saying "and we did it! We just had to sue the city for a mistake and they forked over the cash. See this is how flexible and effective a project manager I am. This is who you're all working for. A guy who can roll with the punches, you know? So just so you know, it doesn't matter that this is my first game. It doesn't matter that I'm not Ian Carmichael, y'know. I'm just better."

There was another in which it had attempted to convince us that it was the world's greatest salesman...

It : "You guys are going to want to kiss my feet in a second. Ask me why."
Me : "I.... highly doubt that..."
AI Guy : "Yeah, I can't think of anything that would make us do that."
It : "Especially you, [Physics Guy]."
Physics Guy : "Okay, I'll ask. Why, and why especially me?"
It : "I got us Havok... for FREE!"
*silence...*
It : "Well come on! Get excited!"
Me : "I don't think anyone here believes you."
It : "Aaah... Ye of little faith. You don't know what a great salesman I am. I had those guys totally sucking my cock."
Me : "Well, there's something I want to picture."
It : "I gave him the game description, and I said it would probably be a Teen rated thing, and he gave me this ridiculous price. Then I told him a couple of my additions, and they turned around and said we'll give it to you for free."
AI Guy : "Uh-oh. I'm afraid... what additions?"
It : "Like, the healing thing, with the nurse and you get her all hot and screaming to get health, and the guy said 'oh, sure! you get that out with a teen rating, and we'll give it to you!'"
Physics Guy : "Sure he wasn't laughing?"
It : "Nooo... he was totally jumping up and down all happy and stuff."
Physics Guy : "I think he was laughing at you."
It : "No, you see, that's not how it works. You see, this is a business, and great ideas make things happen. And you have to sell this idea. I know, I've been doing this longer than you have. So you sell a great idea, and people will become committed to supporting you in your endeavors. You see, I happen to be a terrific salesman. Better than anyone in town. So I just had to do my thing, and they understood what a great project it was and wanted to be a part of it so they can get the Havok name on it. This is going to sell like crazy, you should know that by now."
Me : "Let's just ignore reality for a sec, there's still the matter of you getting it approved with a Teen rating."
It : "I'll work on that tomorrow. Snap my fingers and it'll be done. I'm telling you."
Physics Guy : "Sure... that'll be great."
It : "I'm telling you. Just watch. You know I'm superior to you, and by tomorrow, you'll know just how much."

 

[Brimstone]

Cant say Ive been happier because of a resurrected thread.... EVER :smile:
Just happens to be if your numeric base is 25. Other than that you couldnt be more wrong than picking a prime.

I'm totally confused by this. I understand "it" isn't the brightest bulb, but I just don't understand how a person gets 17.

 

[tongue_of_colicab]

Oh man monkey's story's are really weird But in some way I have respect for IT. You know, he is a complete idiot and still manages to be a millionair. Now that is something even alot of smart people dont manage to do. Though he probably ''bend the rules'' a bit.

 

[Shifty Geezer]

It inherited.