best friend's wife (uh-oh)

[Sage]

wow. i'm going to take a huge risk and not going to read this whole thread, because this subject sort of sickens me. but sage, you've struck me as an amoral bastard from everything i've read on here. so... if you are considering this... i hope you get what's coming to you. you realize, you may very well die just because your fool virgin ass falls for any woman he comes near.

hey, you know what? FUCK YOU! Before you go around insulting someone you need to read the fucking thread and not just the title. I have no respect for you whatsoever and this is the only time I'm going to reply to your posts because I feel that someone neds to inform you of what a FUCKING IDIOT you are. Do you know how many times I've said that I will not under any circumstance do anything sexual with her and that it is absolutely not debatable (in response to those encouraging me to go for it). Secondly, yes I know I'm going to die. You're going to die too. We're all going to die. But, FYI, I've only actually gone through with it with 4 women. You got one thing right, though- my ass is virgin. I've never let anyone pu their winkie in it. But, right now I would really like to tear into yours for being a moron. Of coruse, I'm sure that I'd have to get into the long line of other people waitint for a go at it and I really dont have the time to waste on such things.





NOW THEN, to everyone else:

I talked to her last night for a while about whats going on inside her and how she is feeling about everything. It seems that this is really just an outlet for her caused by existing problems in her marriage (they have actually discussed divorce in the past). I'm going to suggest that she consider asking him if he would like to try coupples counciling. I think that whatever happens, they need to come to a conclusion before she and I let anything between us develope further- either they work out their issues and are happy with just each other or decide that the marriage isnt right for them and have an amicable divorce.

 

[John Reynolds]

That's really not what it's like. You seem to see this as some kind of payback/justification type of thing. "If he/she can do it, so can I!". That's not it at all. It has more to do with Humans being social creatures, and that flirting with the opposite sex helps us to feel confident about ourselves. Part of loving a person is realizing that you need to let them be themselves, and have a certain degree of independence. In my humble opinion, trying to hold someone too close and demand their exclusive attention is a recipe for disaster in almost all circumstances. This is why I don't mind my wife flirting and getting compliments from (some) guys, and why my wife treats me the same way. We both have limits we expect from the other (neither of us like each other flirting with people who use it to make themselves feel good at the other's expense).

Still, having the freedom to both be in a loving relationship and enjoy interacting with other people (especially of the opposite sex!) is absolutely fantastic. It's like having your cake and eating it too. You get the best benefits of being single and the best benefits of being in a relationship, and minimizing many of the downsides of both.

Really, that is what it all comes down to. Maximizing the benefits for both of us, while minimizing the costs.

Nite_Hawk

Once again, exactly.

 

[poopypoo]

Fair enough, Sage, I should have read the entire thread, and now have. I'm glad that you're not considering it. A more reasoned way of saying what I was saying is this: maybe this guy isn't even a good friend, but if he means anything to you, you might want to take a step back and think of how he feels. If she means more to you than he does, that's one thing, but you should seriously consider getting out more. There's no need to risk ruining your work situation, not to mention your friendship with both of them, when you could just go out to a bar, pick up some cute chubby gal and see what happens. Think about it -- if their marriage is going to fail, it doesn't need your help. Then you can still make the choice of who you'd rather be friends with, and you can be an honest man about it.

 

[Sage]

Fair enough, Sage, I should have read the entire thread, and now have. I'm glad that you're not considering it. A more reasoned way of saying what I was saying is this: maybe this guy isn't even a good friend, but if he means anything to you, you might want to take a step back and think of how he feels. If she means more to you than he does, that's one thing, but you should seriously consider getting out more. There's no need to risk ruining your work situation, not to mention your friendship with both of them, when you could just go out to a bar, pick up some cute chubby gal and see what happens. Think about it -- if their marriage is going to fail, it doesn't need your help. Then you can still make the choice of who you'd rather be friends with, and you can be an honest man about it.

okay, nice to see you've changed your tune. I know exactly how he feels, I'm trying to avoid anything happening (or him THINKING somethings happening even if its not) that will upset him. I'm not sure how she's feeling at this exact moment but what I'm trying to wanting to happen here is for her to work out what her feelings are about her husband and their marriage before anything further happens between she and I. Hopefully, whatever happens, noone gets hurt. I know that their marriage isnt all peaches and strawberrys so maybe they would be happier apart, but I think that you shouldnt throw away a marriage without putting an effort into trying to resolve whatever problems you have. I think I need to take a step back (not totally cut her off, though) and let things get settled before I get involved again.

 

[Kanyamagufa]

I hope things work out, Sage.

After everything else, that's all I feel I need to say.

 

[Sage]

I hope things work out, Sage.

After everything else, that's all I feel I need to say.

thanks, that's all i really need anyone to say. its greatly appreciated

 

[deathstar121]

I have been there Sage and I took my friends wife from him and married her, before the entire forums hate me, hear me out. As a man I have my morales and values, I don't believe in hitting a woman even if she's being the biggest bitch in the world, I will walk out the door and let her nag away, and I don't believe in cheating once I am in a serious relationship, when I met this guy I never knew he was married because he had his own place, and there was never any ring on his finger, our friendship lasted 5 years, and in 4 of those years never knew he was married, but it was strange that in those 4 years he had dissappeared a few times for weeks, well when he vanished and his parents wouldn't tell me where he was, so i got concern.

So after the last time he vanish he finally told me that he was married, and he was seperated from her for 4 years which was the biggest lie, so I met her and we became kool friends, plus I had so much respect for my friend even when she tried to tell me about him, I told her I had to leave once I notice that she was trying to say something to me, he vanish again well I was like his parents are hiding something from me, so went to look for him at his wife's house, when I got there she had a broken arm and busted up face, so I was like WHO THE FUCK DID THIS I WILL KILL HIM, thinking that my friend was in trouble, then she told me and I was in shock, I couldn't believe it and all those times he had vanish he was in jail, and because she was in a abusive relationship she was the kind of women that would drop the charges every time he lost it, and took it out on her.

This guy was a piece of work, and so was his family they were hiding the truth from everyone, all the people on the block where lived thought he was the greatest person in the world, so I confronted him about it he wanted to fight me, I mean this guy thought I was his enemy, our friendship was over just like, then I became friends with her, married her, and let me tell you some thing this guy had a supermodel angel for a wife, the most kindest most in the world, in our 8 years of marriage we have only had 5 fights.

To think that this guy had a supermodel wife, and she was an angel at heart kinda told you some thing was wrong with him, because I have seen him sleep with some fat ugly chicks even dated them for a few months, I know my situtation is different from yours, and because what I did, my best friend who I grew up with don't even trust me around his wife, he thinks I will sleep with his wife, because we joke alot and get along so well, most of my friends don't understand the situation and up to this day they said what I did was wrong, but if I didn't do that he would have killed her, plus i didn't do it to save her from him, because I wanted to be some kinda of hero, if you see my wife you would want her too, she can pose for victoria secret.

Even if she divorced him just to be with you, who says it can't happen again to you, my situation is very different from yours, my choice was easy and even though most of my friends look at me funny, I would do it again in a heart beat.

 

[ricercar]

She's sad and lonely and mad and confused. Perhaps even vengeful. As their friend, you should help them both work things out to stay together. Professional counseling is likely the best guidance. Don't get caught in the middle.

<- was in the "Kim"situation 4 years ago, kept the marriage alive, and am very happy.

 

[Sage]

yesterday i was with them both. seeing them being all affectionate towards her made me feel very very jealous and just a little pissed off, even a little like it was HIM messing with MY woman. so, that says to me she and I ARE in a relationship and we SHOULDNT be. I have to put a stop to this. I dont want to, I want to be with her so badly, I think I really am falling for her, but I know it could only end up in a horrible situation if I let this sort of thing continue while they are still married. And, even if they weren't married, I dont see how it could actually work out between us (even though I keep trying to convince myself that it could).

 

[nutball]

Yeah, from everything you've been saying over the past day or two, this smacks of very similar situations I've been in on a number of occasions, and honestly distance and time are pretty much the only solutions to the problems you're facing. You need to get yourself out of there.

They need to sort themselves out, one way or the other, split or make up, but that needs to happen between them. With things as they are it's not really practical for you to help, because whenever you're about her mind won't be focused on resolving their issues. You can't be the friend you maybe feel you should be, even with the best of intentions, but you have to accept that.

For your sake and for theirs you need to put time & distance between you and them. It's hard to do and hurts like hell, but for all concerned it's for the best in the end.

 

[Nite_Hawk]

yesterday i was with them both. seeing them being all affectionate towards her made me feel very very jealous and just a little pissed off, even a little like it was HIM messing with MY woman. so, that says to me she and I ARE in a relationship and we SHOULDNT be. I have to put a stop to this. I dont want to, I want to be with her so badly, I think I really am falling for her, but I know it could only end up in a horrible situation if I let this sort of thing continue while they are still married. And, even if they weren't married, I dont see how it could actually work out between us (even though I keep trying to convince myself that it could).

Sorry man, that really sucks. Just remember that like you said, in a month you'll be out of there and have a lot of new opportunities. For now just let her go. Honestly *you* shouldn't have to be the one to end it, but unfortunately it sounds like your going to have to.

My only advice at this point is to end it quietly. Don't make a big deal about it, just let it fade away. You'll have the best chance at keeping your friendship with your best friend, and maybe once your (and her) feelings have cooled down you can keep your friendship with her too (Maybe after you've gotten in another relationship or two).

Be prepared for a bit of a recoil though. She might be pissed at herself for liking you (and for you not acting when she was giving you the go-ahead signals) and blames you for it. She might be kind of cold to you if you stop "seeing" her.

Nite_Hawk

 

[_xxx_]

Be prepared for a bit of a recoil though. She might be pissed at herself for liking you (and for you not acting when she was giving you the go-ahead signals) and blames you for it.

Very well said, I had the exactly same situation a few months back and did NOT do it. She hates me since then, it was too much of an embarrassment for her (being "rejected").

And I also had the same thing another few months back and DID it. This one does not hate me and we are still friends.

In both cases there was a split, so the only thing different is that in the first case I had no sex and in the second I had fantastic sex. Nothing to lose as you can see, so I'll definitely go for it if I should have that situation again.

 

[Sage]

yeah, as much as I hate to do it, I know I have to 'dump' her. I'm going to try to do it monday. not sure if I will have the willpower or not (however there is a somewhat complicated matter that came up last night involving a possible 3-sum, not sure if i'd be okay with that and not sure if he would be but neither of us put our foot down and said no... it was her idea... the worst part, however, is that she wants us to use the same slot...)

 

[John Reynolds]

yeah, as much as I hate to do it, I know I have to 'dump' her. I'm going to try to do it monday. not sure if I will have the willpower or not (however there is a somewhat complicated matter that came up last night involving a possible 3-sum, not sure if i'd be okay with that and not sure if he would be but neither of us put our foot down and said no... it was her idea... the worst part, however, is that she wants us to use the same slot...)

Same slot at the same time? Kinky!

I've been joking in this thread so far, but in all seriousness just get out of the situation before it gets any uglier.

 

[Nite_Hawk]

yeah, as much as I hate to do it, I know I have to 'dump' her. I'm going to try to do it monday. not sure if I will have the willpower or not (however there is a somewhat complicated matter that came up last night involving a possible 3-sum, not sure if i'd be okay with that and not sure if he would be but neither of us put our foot down and said no... it was her idea... the worst part, however, is that she wants us to use the same slot...)

group sex and broken marriages are a very very bad combination.

Edit: Watch Y tu Mama Tambien.

Nite_Hawk

 

[Sage]

Same slot at the same time? Kinky!

I've been joking in this thread so far, but in all seriousness just get out of the situation before it gets any uglier.

not at the same TIME!!! switching between the two of us... still... wierd... i could see DP... but using the same slot... i mean, definitely protection, but even then... ewh


its a wierd fantasy but in reality, im going to get out of it and not do that.. just entertaining to think about heh

 

[_xxx_]

yeah, as much as I hate to do it, I know I have to 'dump' her. I'm going to try to do it monday. not sure if I will have the willpower or not (however there is a somewhat complicated matter that came up last night involving a possible 3-sum, not sure if i'd be okay with that and not sure if he would be but neither of us put our foot down and said no... it was her idea... the worst part, however, is that she wants us to use the same slot...)

Same slot at the same time? Kinky!

I've been joking in this thread so far, but in all seriousness just get out of the situation before it gets any uglier.

The way out: tell your "friend" that you are starting to develop certain feelings towards his wife and thus don't want to see them anymore since you don't want to cause any trouble. Say you're sorry, you really like them and don't want to spoil the feeling. Wish him luck and go.

To her, no more contact whatsoever. Not a single word.

If you really want it to end without trouble, that's the way to go.


On the other side:

If, and I mean IF after thoroughly analyzing yourself you see that you actually want to sleep with her sooo badly and don't give a f**k what happens afterwards (since you'll have no more contact with them both ways), then you should invite her over and as soon as she enters grab her and kiss her. You'll see the reaction. If she likes it, she'll join the game and if not, you'll apologize and then tell her another version of the same story above to avoid further complications as far as possible.

You decide.

 

[Sage]

im going to do her in the elevator of the public library on moday





heh just kidding.... we did kinda joke about it last time we were there... i was like "i always wanted to do it in an elevator... and she goes "i was thinking the same thing!" but im not really going to do that. i would love more than anything to push her up against the wall of the elevator and kiss her just once to see what its like before I break things off completely but I feel that even that I cannot do, I'll know how it would feel

 

[silence]

im going to do her in the elevator of the public library on moday

7 pages to get to the bottom of it.... do her....

 

[Sage]

joo must not have read the fine print. im not really going to.