Developers, what are some of the craziest things you seen or heard about?
- Thread starter Brimstone
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ShootMyMonkey
Veteran
I'm lost... are you under the impression that I still work there? The creature's company DID go under a few years ago. There's a simple reason, though, why it lasted as long as it did -- the creature's ego. As stupid as it was, it was all the more obstinate and oblivious and arrogant enough to think that it can never do anything wrong, and everything it does will result in absolute success. As long as the creature perpetuated that notion to itself, the company still ran.
Its obliviousness is probably part of the reason it is so shielded from the reality of things around it. --
"But I thought the bots aren't going to change weapons. I mean, there's never been a game where the bots change weapons before. And I've seen a lot of games they make."
"I only write codes in my spare time and all, but I've always known that random functions are the very basis of AI."
"What? There's a Final Fantasy game? Someone actually made a GAME based on THAT movie?"*
"Maybe we ought to switch over and make a porn game, y'know. No one has ever made a porn game before; we'd totally corner the market."
"I know you programmers don't really care to check if something is working correctly, but I wish you guys would be a little more concerned about aesthetics."
"Here's something that doesn't make any sense to me -- why is that after these companies have made a game, they still keep programmers around?"
EDIT :
* -- Even aside from the quote itself, bear in mind also that this was a few years ago, so the only FF movie in existence at the time was Spirits Within.
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DudeMiester
Regular
You know, I'd say this creature is half-brilliant, in that he can make the most complex and obscure connections, but he has no way of evaluating their worth. He's like a genius gone complete insane.
ShootMyMonkey
Veteran
A further account of obliviousness --
It : "So you know this thing about the water?"
Me : "What thing about the water?"
It : "Y'know, how I was thinking about doing that one level completely underwater."
Me : "Which level is this?"
It : "The one in the Halo where you have to go up floor after floor in this tower."
Me : "What does this have to do with us?"
It : "I'm just saying what if we did that?"
Me : "You mean make a level similar to it, only underwater?"
It : "Yeah, but the water will be radioactive so you can't stay outside for very long."
Me : "Why would the water be radioactive?"
It : "Well, if it wasn't radioactive, you could stay out there forever, and this way, you're forced to go back inside."
Me : "Right... drowning has nothing to do with it."
It : "What do you mean?"
Me : "Whether water is irradiated or not, what happened to the danger of drowning?"
It : "Well, our game is 100 years in the future, so that's not a problem."
Me : "Okay."
It : "Really, dude, you need to wake up. You know, your job won't exist 100 years from now."
Me : "And thus will future generations be saved."
It : "What?"
Me : "Never mind."
It : "Where was I?"
Me : "You were saying something weird."
It : "Was I?"
Me : "Yes."
It : "I was wondering, y'know, what's the point of making more than one game?"
Me : "What? How about making some actual money..."
It : "I mean, you make one game, you're already making millions."
Me : "Assuming the game sells well."
It : "Well, you know, you spend a little time, put it on the market, and there you go, you can sell a couple hundred thousand without even trying."
Me : "I don't know enough words to describe how wrong that is."
It : "Well, millions, then"
Me : "That's not what I meant."
It : "Really? Tens of millions? It's really that easy?"
Me : "Ugh... I have a headache."
It : "So you know this thing about the water?"
Me : "What thing about the water?"
It : "Y'know, how I was thinking about doing that one level completely underwater."
Me : "Which level is this?"
It : "The one in the Halo where you have to go up floor after floor in this tower."
Me : "What does this have to do with us?"
It : "I'm just saying what if we did that?"
Me : "You mean make a level similar to it, only underwater?"
It : "Yeah, but the water will be radioactive so you can't stay outside for very long."
Me : "Why would the water be radioactive?"
It : "Well, if it wasn't radioactive, you could stay out there forever, and this way, you're forced to go back inside."
Me : "Right... drowning has nothing to do with it."
It : "What do you mean?"
Me : "Whether water is irradiated or not, what happened to the danger of drowning?"
It : "Well, our game is 100 years in the future, so that's not a problem."
Me : "Okay."
It : "Really, dude, you need to wake up. You know, your job won't exist 100 years from now."
Me : "And thus will future generations be saved."
It : "What?"
Me : "Never mind."
It : "Where was I?"
Me : "You were saying something weird."
It : "Was I?"
Me : "Yes."
It : "I was wondering, y'know, what's the point of making more than one game?"
Me : "What? How about making some actual money..."
It : "I mean, you make one game, you're already making millions."
Me : "Assuming the game sells well."
It : "Well, you know, you spend a little time, put it on the market, and there you go, you can sell a couple hundred thousand without even trying."
Me : "I don't know enough words to describe how wrong that is."
It : "Well, millions, then"
Me : "That's not what I meant."
It : "Really? Tens of millions? It's really that easy?"
Me : "Ugh... I have a headache."
ShootMyMonkey
Veteran
Okay, as you may or may not know, the project we were working on was originally being developed using Torque, and the creature's idea of using Torque was simply based on one thing -- it's a $100 license. But of course, Torque wasn't really much for performance or handling decent amounts of content (and getting it up would anyway be as expensive as building an engine from scratch), so we switched.
Anyway, whatever else Torque was, the fact remained that it was a terrain-centric engine, so it had some handy-dandy terrain-specific tools, while the new engine did not. The creature, somewhat distraught at the idea that the more expensive and superior engine we'd switched over to didn't have such a tool, responded with its usual schtick...
It : I don't understand, why can't you just add that tool like Torque has?
Me : The core code for handling all that wasn't even given to us.
It : But you have the code in Torque, don't you? That's all you need.
Me : What? What do you think, all the data is organized the same way or all the objects are utilized the same way? The editor code within Torque is not separated from the code for all the game objects, and even otherwise, it's totally meaningless for an engine that doesn't handle anything in remotely the same way.
It : Can't you just fix that? It's all just codes, anyway.
Me : First of all, the way the data is moved around is done that way for a reason, and there's no benefit to changing that to match Torque's scheme, as that will make it utterly suck. And second of all, how am I supposed to change that? The tools depend on the way data is formatted and the engine stores things internally containing all the same data.
It : But you can still change the tools so that we have a terrain editor.
Me : No... I can't do that. We don't have the source code for the tools. I can't change what I don't have.
It : You lost me.
Me : *sigh~~~*... in order to change the tools, you need to have the code to change. We don't have the code.
It : But you wouldn't be changing any codes, you'd be adding onto it.
Me : Let me try and simplify this even further... In order to add onto something, you have to have the stuff you're adding onto.
It : But you have that... the tools... they're right there, they're working.
Me : Not the code to the tools! We just have standalone executables!
It : It's like a clay sculpture, you have your original, and then you can just throw on more clay to make additions.
Me : Except the original has already been cured and glazed, and we don't have the mold to make an uncured duplicate onto which we can add on.
It : Cured? What does that mean, how does clay get diseases?
Me : I think you've lost yourself in the metaphor.
It : Okay, explain to me what it is that you don't have.
Me : Okay, maybe you'll follow it this way. We don't have to code for the tools. Without that, I could write anything I want, but I can't make the tools actually USE what I write.
It : Why not? You just make the code and say "here it is."
Me : Say that to what? Where? There's no plugin architecture here! It's all standalone applications!
It : So what?
Me : SO-O-O... since there's no plugin scheme, all the code whether they write it or I write has to be together in one place, meaning that for me to add anything, I need to change the original code.
It : Can't you just fix that so that you can make it like a plugin?
Me : IN ORDER TO CHANGE THAT, I NEED THE ORIGINAL CODE TO THE TOOLS!
It : We don't have that?
Me : NO!!! WE DON'T!!
It : You need to tell me these things sooner.
Me : I'VE BEEN SAYING THAT ALL THIS TIME!
It : Okay, okay... you need to lay off the ganja, dude.
Me : WHAT?!
It : Calm down... go, sit, relax.
There is a further continuation to this story, but I'll get to that after I dig up the corresponding emails.
Anyway, whatever else Torque was, the fact remained that it was a terrain-centric engine, so it had some handy-dandy terrain-specific tools, while the new engine did not. The creature, somewhat distraught at the idea that the more expensive and superior engine we'd switched over to didn't have such a tool, responded with its usual schtick...
It : I don't understand, why can't you just add that tool like Torque has?
Me : The core code for handling all that wasn't even given to us.
It : But you have the code in Torque, don't you? That's all you need.
Me : What? What do you think, all the data is organized the same way or all the objects are utilized the same way? The editor code within Torque is not separated from the code for all the game objects, and even otherwise, it's totally meaningless for an engine that doesn't handle anything in remotely the same way.
It : Can't you just fix that? It's all just codes, anyway.
Me : First of all, the way the data is moved around is done that way for a reason, and there's no benefit to changing that to match Torque's scheme, as that will make it utterly suck. And second of all, how am I supposed to change that? The tools depend on the way data is formatted and the engine stores things internally containing all the same data.
It : But you can still change the tools so that we have a terrain editor.
Me : No... I can't do that. We don't have the source code for the tools. I can't change what I don't have.
It : You lost me.
Me : *sigh~~~*... in order to change the tools, you need to have the code to change. We don't have the code.
It : But you wouldn't be changing any codes, you'd be adding onto it.
Me : Let me try and simplify this even further... In order to add onto something, you have to have the stuff you're adding onto.
It : But you have that... the tools... they're right there, they're working.
Me : Not the code to the tools! We just have standalone executables!
It : It's like a clay sculpture, you have your original, and then you can just throw on more clay to make additions.
Me : Except the original has already been cured and glazed, and we don't have the mold to make an uncured duplicate onto which we can add on.
It : Cured? What does that mean, how does clay get diseases?
Me : I think you've lost yourself in the metaphor.
It : Okay, explain to me what it is that you don't have.
Me : Okay, maybe you'll follow it this way. We don't have to code for the tools. Without that, I could write anything I want, but I can't make the tools actually USE what I write.
It : Why not? You just make the code and say "here it is."
Me : Say that to what? Where? There's no plugin architecture here! It's all standalone applications!
It : So what?
Me : SO-O-O... since there's no plugin scheme, all the code whether they write it or I write has to be together in one place, meaning that for me to add anything, I need to change the original code.
It : Can't you just fix that so that you can make it like a plugin?
Me : IN ORDER TO CHANGE THAT, I NEED THE ORIGINAL CODE TO THE TOOLS!
It : We don't have that?
Me : NO!!! WE DON'T!!
It : You need to tell me these things sooner.
Me : I'VE BEEN SAYING THAT ALL THIS TIME!
It : Okay, okay... you need to lay off the ganja, dude.
Me : WHAT?!
It : Calm down... go, sit, relax.
There is a further continuation to this story, but I'll get to that after I dig up the corresponding emails.
ChryZ said:
My god! I've just realized where Rare got their Viva Pinata idea! Good on you Greenidge, you've finally hit the big-time.
ShootMyMonkey
Veteran
So... for that continuation I mentioned.
After that little conversation, the creature decided that since we can't do anything, it should try and call up the middleware folks and demand that *they* create a terrain editing tool. Unfortunately, no one else was really in the room to talk on the phone with it, so nobody heard the whole conversation. We were, however listening in, as well as occasionally passing through the creature's office from time to time during the call (in case you're not aware, passing through the creature's office is necessary if anybody wants to get to the kitchen to grab coffee, or if any artist wants to see a programmer or vice versa, or if any programmer or concept artist wanted to get to the restroom).
We even arranged people to deliberately walk through the creature's office periodically to try and pick up words exchanged over the phone. This was mainly because we were expecting the creature to say things that would effectively get us in the doghouse with the support lines. We were actually right to worry.
Among the things the creature said, caught by various people listening in as well as passing through the room included --
"You know, the cheap engines like the Torque are bound to creep up and catch you if you don't pay attention to them."
"You know, you guys should probably look at this engine called the Unreal engine. I don't know if you've heard of it, but it's a pretty big deal."
"Yes, but you have to realize that terrain takes up a lot of space, and when you put big things in a level, that's more important than when you put big things in other levels."
""When you have terrain in a level, it needs to have more than one texture. Otherwise, you get a horse's head in your bed. And that is why you need to make the editor."
"I don't think you realize how valuable this DirectX 9 is... Yeah, you're doing it on your new engine, but not on this one, and when your terrain thingies have to suffer for it, that's bad all the way."
"Generality is important all right, but I'm more important, you see."
The one that puzzles me even now, and I was listening to it as I walked through the creature's office, is this following one --
"Yes, I understand that you need Xbox compatibility, but my understanding of the Xbox is... well, there are other engines more diverse for Playstation 2 media."
I still have no clue what it was trying to say (I'm at least able to guess it has something to do with them wanting to keep that particular edition of the engine at DX8).
It wasn't long before the rep on the phone decided to raise up the point of several people on the team sending in support questions, but the creature only purchased a single license seat. You can probably guess that the call ended in a hurry after that.
Anyway, soon after that call ended, the bunch of us on the team expected hell, so I sent an email to their support team to apologize for the creature's behavior. Essentially telling them not to mind the creature and feel okay about telling it to go to hell. This was the reply email I got --
(This is mostly verbatim, except that I've reworded or taken out anything that refers to people's names).
After that little conversation, the creature decided that since we can't do anything, it should try and call up the middleware folks and demand that *they* create a terrain editing tool. Unfortunately, no one else was really in the room to talk on the phone with it, so nobody heard the whole conversation. We were, however listening in, as well as occasionally passing through the creature's office from time to time during the call (in case you're not aware, passing through the creature's office is necessary if anybody wants to get to the kitchen to grab coffee, or if any artist wants to see a programmer or vice versa, or if any programmer or concept artist wanted to get to the restroom).
We even arranged people to deliberately walk through the creature's office periodically to try and pick up words exchanged over the phone. This was mainly because we were expecting the creature to say things that would effectively get us in the doghouse with the support lines. We were actually right to worry.
Among the things the creature said, caught by various people listening in as well as passing through the room included --
"You know, the cheap engines like the Torque are bound to creep up and catch you if you don't pay attention to them."
"You know, you guys should probably look at this engine called the Unreal engine. I don't know if you've heard of it, but it's a pretty big deal."
"Yes, but you have to realize that terrain takes up a lot of space, and when you put big things in a level, that's more important than when you put big things in other levels."
""When you have terrain in a level, it needs to have more than one texture. Otherwise, you get a horse's head in your bed. And that is why you need to make the editor."
"I don't think you realize how valuable this DirectX 9 is... Yeah, you're doing it on your new engine, but not on this one, and when your terrain thingies have to suffer for it, that's bad all the way."
"Generality is important all right, but I'm more important, you see."
The one that puzzles me even now, and I was listening to it as I walked through the creature's office, is this following one --
"Yes, I understand that you need Xbox compatibility, but my understanding of the Xbox is... well, there are other engines more diverse for Playstation 2 media."
I still have no clue what it was trying to say (I'm at least able to guess it has something to do with them wanting to keep that particular edition of the engine at DX8).
It wasn't long before the rep on the phone decided to raise up the point of several people on the team sending in support questions, but the creature only purchased a single license seat. You can probably guess that the call ended in a hurry after that.
Anyway, soon after that call ended, the bunch of us on the team expected hell, so I sent an email to their support team to apologize for the creature's behavior. Essentially telling them not to mind the creature and feel okay about telling it to go to hell. This was the reply email I got --
(This is mostly verbatim, except that I've reworded or taken out anything that refers to people's names).
ShootMyMonkey
Veteran
You know, this is actually serving as a pretty good archive for me. It's one little place where I've been collecting them in a nice format with contexts explained and everything. Saving all the pages to disk is pretty handy.
Various short snippets of conversations with some artists --
(Correctness of these is limited by the fact that they told me many days later so the recollection may not be perfect, but the gist is still there)
It : "What's wrong with this thing. Can't you give it more of that chrome color?"
Character Artist : "Uuh... Chrome is not a color. I mean, black is the color of chrome."
It : "Huh? You're joking, right?"
Character Artist : "Nnnnooo... I mean chrome is a metal usually used as a coating... not a color."
It : "I'm pretty sure chrome is defined as a color the whole world over."
Character Artist : "In YOUR world maybe."
It : "Well, you're in my world now."
Character Artist : "So how do I get out?"
It : "What do you mean?"
Another one...
It : "Eww... Yeesh... Why does that character look so polygonal?"
Character Artist : "Beeeecause, he's made up of polygons?"
It : "Ooooh... Okay."
Character Artist : ".................. You can go now."
It : "How come? I thought you said the guy is made of polygons."
Character Artist : "Yes, and he's always going to be made of polygons."
It : "So what difference does it make whether I stay or go?"
Character Artist : "...which is why you can go now."
It : "Are you trying to get rid of me?"
One of my favorites... Our character artist was looking at a texture swatch test rendered by plopping it onto a sphere.
It : "Hmmm... I actually kind of like that, but could you make it a little more roundish?"
Character Artist : "Uuuuuh... that's a sphere."
It : "Right, I know what a sphere is. It's a circle in the world. I'm just saying make it more roundish."
Character Artist : "I'm just testing out a texture by putting it on a sphere. This isn't an in-game thing."
It : "[Animator], I'm not kidding. Just make it more round, and you'll see what I mean."
Character Artist : "Ummm, I'm [Character Artist]... [Animator] is over there."
It : "When did you switch?"
Character Artist : "We're not f*#&ing twins... we've been at these same desks the whole time."
It : "But your hair colors changed."
Animator : "We didn't change our hair colors...
It : "I'm pretty sure you did. I know you did."
Character Artist : "You're also pretty sure that chrome is a color."
Animator : "I know; what the f*#k are you smoking, dude?"
It : "............ I think I'll go talk to [My Initials]."
Various short snippets of conversations with some artists --
(Correctness of these is limited by the fact that they told me many days later so the recollection may not be perfect, but the gist is still there)
It : "What's wrong with this thing. Can't you give it more of that chrome color?"
Character Artist : "Uuh... Chrome is not a color. I mean, black is the color of chrome."
It : "Huh? You're joking, right?"
Character Artist : "Nnnnooo... I mean chrome is a metal usually used as a coating... not a color."
It : "I'm pretty sure chrome is defined as a color the whole world over."
Character Artist : "In YOUR world maybe."
It : "Well, you're in my world now."
Character Artist : "So how do I get out?"
It : "What do you mean?"
Another one...
It : "Eww... Yeesh... Why does that character look so polygonal?"
Character Artist : "Beeeecause, he's made up of polygons?"
It : "Ooooh... Okay."
Character Artist : ".................. You can go now."
It : "How come? I thought you said the guy is made of polygons."
Character Artist : "Yes, and he's always going to be made of polygons."
It : "So what difference does it make whether I stay or go?"
Character Artist : "...which is why you can go now."
It : "Are you trying to get rid of me?"
One of my favorites... Our character artist was looking at a texture swatch test rendered by plopping it onto a sphere.
It : "Hmmm... I actually kind of like that, but could you make it a little more roundish?"
Character Artist : "Uuuuuh... that's a sphere."
It : "Right, I know what a sphere is. It's a circle in the world. I'm just saying make it more roundish."
Character Artist : "I'm just testing out a texture by putting it on a sphere. This isn't an in-game thing."
It : "[Animator], I'm not kidding. Just make it more round, and you'll see what I mean."
Character Artist : "Ummm, I'm [Character Artist]... [Animator] is over there."
It : "When did you switch?"
Character Artist : "We're not f*#&ing twins... we've been at these same desks the whole time."
It : "But your hair colors changed."
Animator : "We didn't change our hair colors...
It : "I'm pretty sure you did. I know you did."
Character Artist : "You're also pretty sure that chrome is a color."
Animator : "I know; what the f*#k are you smoking, dude?"
It : "............ I think I'll go talk to [My Initials]."
The sad thing is that had you brought this game to completion and actually made the gameplay fun, it could have been the Evil Dead II of video gaming. I mean seriously, if I knew there was a game out there where I could land my spaceship on the sun and fight Hitler riding a T-Rex with some giant chrome-plated machine gun, I'd totally buy it if it was actually fun. With the right bad voice acting and deliberately cheesy plot, this game could have been awesome.
ShootMyMonkey
Veteran
Of course, we all did that, but the problem is that this is the sort of person who always has to get across that whatever he says is the gospel truth and it should be followed to the letter. The sort whose ego rules over all else. With the creature, we did attempt the assortment of Jedi mind tricks like saying "Yeah, we had the same idea... y'know going down the same thematic road, but *just* different enough that you don't notice it was derived from that." That actually worked for a good while, but we'd still have to repeat the process several hundred times.
About the most fun I had playing with the creature's mind was when it asked me for an impromptu crash course in Japanese. At the time, I had no idea why it even asked me, but I found out a few days afterwards that it was trying to impress some bankers and landowners who happened to be Japanese. In any case, thinking that I'd have a little fun, I decided to teach it a few things that were not only completely wrong, but had rather hilarious or extremely rude actual meanings. Among these included introducing onself by saying "watashi ha chou-baka desu(1)" and addressing others respectfully meant using terms like "kuso-babaa" and "kuso-jijii"(2) in the feminine and masculine respectively. As you can probably guess, though, the creature's short term memory failed it again, and it never remembered a thing I said, so my little games never came to fruition.
For those who might ask about the meanings --
1) Would translate out to "I am a super-idiot." I let the creature believe that it meant "I'm a millionnaire", as that is the creature's usual first greeting. As it so happened, the first time I met the creature face to face, its first words weren't "hi" or "how are you?" or anything of the sort... it was just reaching out to shake my hand and said "I'm a millionnaire." And I'm apparently one of hundreds whose gotten that greeting.
2) These two terms would literally translate out to something along the lines of "sh$%ty old lady/man", though the practical meaning is probably a little milder -- more like "old bitch/fart."
There just aren't enough games out there where you get to fight Hitler riding a T-Rex...
Someone needs to get the rights to this game and make it right. How come comedy as a genre hasn't been explored more in games? I know there have been a few, but maybe the lack of good writing talent is the reason. I mean, the fact that people consider Metal Gear Solid and Final Fantasy VII to have fantastic plots says a lot about the talent that writes stories and dialogue for games.
fearsomepirate said:
The heck !...in story department both those games excel most movies this past 10 years , and as far as dialogue I do agree on final fantasy but mgs !? hell no ! although mgs has a few cheesy dialogues between characters that's true but overall the dialogues where quite superb in mgs something unfortunately can't be said about the later mgs games ( mg gb , mgs 2 , mgs 3 )nor the earlier ones (mg ,mg 2 ).