Advice needed, serious issue

[Sxotty]

If you help pay for his actions, you are essentially condoning his behavior.

Actually it isn't bullshit, and that is why it is complicated. I have been in your position b4 wrt my brother. And I am of the philosphy that you should not give him the money for a number of reasons.

I am against loaning money in families and friends. If he needs money tell him to go to the bank, and if he cannot get a loan, then he should get a job and try to get work release from prison. After he gets out hopefully he will get things together, but you cannot allow it to drag you down and engender hate between you.

 

[silence]

I thought something along these lines as well, but how will you KEEP him there? I don't think my 80-year old granny could do much to prevent him from going out when my aunt isn't at home. Wel, we'll find a way.

as i said, bail him once and make absolutly clear "NEVER AGAIN".... i dont know from which part of Bosnia you are (shame on me), but that doesnt matter much, i know nuff ppl from there, so getting him into prison to "learn lesson" is very bad idea....

"last chance" approach might work.... if it doesnt, then you did what you could and then its his choice all the way....

but dont get him into "crime university" specially if he is kind that follows, he will be impressed by stories of older inmates (they all drove Porches, snorted tons of coke, killed dozens and so on.....) and worst of all if he "proves" himself inside he'll get out with phone numbers and "connections"....

ajde na PM, ako oćeÅ¡ viÅ¡e detalja.... ne bi javno.....

 

[guest_T]

1. Are you shure you know what happend ?
Knowing Bosnian legal system NO WAY in hell, a 19-teen years old male gonna end up in prison for beeing drunk/high and vandalising. Either he has a (big) court history or he actually did far serious shit (or he is unluckist SOB in the Balkans...and thats not small feat).

...gledaj, s 19 napraviÅ¡ sranje, uhvate te ('beÅ¡ sreću), s 20 dođeÅ¡ kod suca, veliÅ¡ "nisam htio", sudac nekaj diktira zapisničaru 5 min i NE IDEÅ  u zatvor...

2. Guards are not a problem (in the way that you think), they simply don't give a shit.
IF your cousin ends up in prison, he is gonna get beaten, badly(by the inmates) - thats 100%. Tell him to get a haircut and tone down his attitude, he'll still get beaten, but not as often and not as badly. Rape is very uncommon (he can shower freely).
As for mixing with a bad crowd, I still can't belive that a 19teen years old male gonna end up in prison for beeing drunk/high and vandalising, if he becomes a criminal he will be "last in the feeding chain". Very bad future.

...of course if your cousin is 2m and 100 kg and has allready friends in prison, disregard writen...

3. To really bail him out and help him would mean to adopt him. (Pay the money, invite him to Germany, start parenting). Thats BIG.

...I would do it for my brother, not so shure about my cousin...

4. Whole thing is apsurd. Resolve the prison thing with papers (hire a lawyer) - something is really fishy there - I think the boy and his mother played their cards VERY badly.
Meet with the guy...face to face...talk with him (you were also wild in his age)...do it a few times...

 

[Geo]

Tell him you've utterly decided NOT to bail him out. Let him sweat over that for awhile.