Advice needed, serious issue

[silence]

one pretty important question.... where did this happen?

anyway, both solutions might work and both might suck.

a) he goes to prison and learns his lesson and realises he did wrong..... he goes to prison, earns more "respect" for that, meets and hooks up with even worse people and ends up going down the wrong road.

b) you bail him out and he stops whats he doing .... you bail him out, he continues to do, knowing there is someone who will bail him out, does even worse shit and ends up in a)



now, there is a bit difference if this happened in Germany or Bosnia... WRT a) .....

 

[_xxx_]

A dilemma for sure. If helping him only keeps him out of jail to continue what he's already doing, then that would only hurt him in the end. You really should sit down and have a talk with him. Over a few beers maybe. Good luck!

He's some 2000 km away from me. You can bet that it never would have come so far with me around.

 

[_xxx_]

one pretty important question.... where did this happen?

anyway, both solutions might work and both might suck.

a) he goes to prison and learns his lesson and realises he did wrong..... he goes to prison, earns more "respect" for that, meets and hooks up with even worse people and ends up going down the wrong road.

b) you bail him out and he stops whats he doing .... you bail him out, he continues to do, knowing there is someone who will bail him out, does even worse shit and ends up in a)



now, there is a bit difference if this happened in Germany or Bosnia... WRT a) .....

In Bosnia. In Germany, I'd let him go to jail right away, but I'm afraid he'll get some war veterans or such as guards, you know what I mean. And he's a metal boy with dreadlocks and all...

 

[London Geezer]

I haven't read the replies, i saw some name calling so i avoided it.

But i do have some questions. Are you sure he will go to prison? I think the court would much rather send him to rehab (or whatever "help centre" you have there, he's not a drug addict, he just needs to be put into place) then send him to prison, where he will pick up even more awful habits from other in-mates.

The prison by itself will only harm him. I think that solving the issue has a lot to do with counselling. I don't know the guy but it's obvious the death of his father might have played a huge part in what kind of person he is now. Counselling might help a lot there.

If you are sure they will lock him into a prison, i'd rush to bail him out, show him why you've done it, that he's not getting away with anything anymore, and make sure he spends a lot of hours with a good psychologist.

Obviously that might be very expensive.

 

[_xxx_]

He will go to prison unless he can pay the sum within a few weeks, dunno exactly yet for how long.

 

[bloodbob]

What I also found out, he's still just hanging around with those people, drinking, smoking pot etc. and doing nothing else. My aunt can't do anything, he does what he will (my uncle died many years ago).

Sounds like he hasn't learnt his lesson. Giving him money to get him out of punishment most likely isn't going to help

 

[London Geezer]

Sounds like he hasn't learnt his lesson. Giving him money to get him out of punishment most likely isn't going to help

That's the issue here.

Does he need to be "punished"? Or does he need to be "helped"? Really, as a person, will he be better after the supposed "punishment", or will he be better after a few hours in the company of someone who will drill his brain and get to the root of his "problem"?

 

[_xxx_]

That's the issue here.

Does he need to be "punished"? Or does he need to be "helped"? Really, as a person, will he be better after the supposed "punishment", or will he be better after a few hours in the company of someone who will drill his brain and get to the root of his "problem"?

We tried that, didn't work.

 

[London Geezer]

We tried that, didn't work.

Well then it's up to you, the family, to decide if this is a lost cause. Abandoning him won't make him any better. If you guys want to save money because you think it's all useless, then by all means do that, if you think there is nothing more you can do. But that won't change him, it will probably make him worse, and the little vandalism will turn into something more, and the pot will also probably turn into something more addictive and expensive.

 

[_xxx_]

Well then it's up to you, the family, to decide if this is a lost cause. Abandoning him won't make him any better. If you guys want to save money because you think it's all useless, then by all means do that

Fuck money, it's not about that. He never got a serious punishment and I don't know if a few weeks/months in prison might help change his mind.

 

[London Geezer]

Fuck money, it's not about that. He never got a serious punishment and I don't know if a few weeks/months in prison might help change his mind.

As i said, spending a few days or months in the company of much worse criminals will only make him worse. Do you really think this supposed "punishment" will work and he will come out scared and frightened and be a good boy from then on???

 

[_xxx_]

Well that's my dillema. Will it make things worse, or will it scare him badly enough so that he changes something? Damn!


Thanks for your input guys, now I'll consult my family some more and we'll have to make a decision.

 

[London Geezer]

Well that's my dillema. Will it make things worse, or will it scare him badly enough so that he changes something? Damn!


Thanks for your input guys, now I'll consult my family some more and we'll have to make a decision.

If it's not a money issue, i'd invest in at least TRY to make him a better person and get to the root of the problem. If it doesn't work, at least you tried.

Jail - on its own - will not solve anything. Even being grounded, at home, for a few weeks, will probably have a better effect. But a good grounding, the no phone no going out kind. And he need to be seriously controlled. He's obviously not capable to go out on its own "normally" if you know what i mean, if he's still with his "friends".

 

[silence]

In Bosnia. In Germany, I'd let him go to jail right away, but I'm afraid he'll get some war veterans or such as guards, you know what I mean. And he's a metal boy with dreadlocks and all...

much bigger problem is who will he meet inside bosnian jail if he goes. and earning "respect" might get him into more trouble later then being "momma's boy who gets away with thing while real man do their time"....

IMO.... if this is his first time shit.... help him, but be honest and say its last time and that he has a choice now. next time there wont be anyone to pull him out.

you know, war veterans as guards arent as bad as war veterans in his cell.... he could get more trouble by those.... or even worse, as i said "ear respect" and "get connected"....

and then its only one way.... worst way....



EDIT :: didnt read what LB said, but he is right.
IMO, from what i read there is one option.... "last chance".....
something like "zajebo si, ali neka, sredićemo.... sljedeći put kad zajebeÅ¡, ako zajebeÅ¡, nema nikog da te vadi... pa ti misli, ako ti je buksa furka zavrÅ¡it ćeÅ¡ u njoj prije ili kasnije, mi bi da se srediÅ¡ i ne zavrÅ¡iÅ¡ i popijeÅ¡ metak ili nekoliko jari unutra, ali izbor je tvoj.... u sljedećem sranju si sam...."..... (imam frenda koji je odležo u Lepoglavi dva puta i nije se opametio... dapače, upravo je doÅ¡o do "veza" i zaradio "respekt"... i sad nema Å¡anse da kretenu objasniÅ¡ da se zajebava previÅ¡e, ima kćer od dvije godine koja se rodila dok je on bio unutra)

DISCLAIMER :: sorry for using croatian, language is little bit too much for this part of forum, so i didnt wanna offend others and i consider this really important.

my appologies again for this.

 

[_xxx_]

IMO.... if this is his first time shit.... help him, but be honest and say its last time and that he has a choice now. next time there wont be anyone to pull him out.

It's the first time the shit is this big. And yes, I think that's exactly what I'll do. But I'll also make sure to punish him. He'll get a nice haircut, grounded for at least a month without the phone and all that jazz. The haircut will be _the_ punishment, though, that's going to hurt.

 

[silence]

It's the first time the shit is this big. And yes, I think that's exactly what I'll do. But I'll also make sure to punish him. He'll get a nice haircut, grounded for at least a month without the phone and all that jazz. The haircut will be _the_ punishment, though, that's going to hurt.

heh.... read my edit .... you fastyper

 

[_xxx_]

heh.... read my edit .... you fastyper

Hehe... zahvaljujem na savjetu!

Ok, so we'll see. Thanks again to everyone and sorry for bothering you with private shite again. At least it wasn't about sex this time...

 

[London Geezer]

Hehe... zahvaljujem na savjetu!

Ok, so we'll see. Thanks again to everyone and sorry for bothering you with private shite again. At least it wasn't about sex this time...

Not until u post pics of the guy!!

Ok sorry i'll go now.

 

[Cartoon Corpse]

I just found out that my cousin might end up in prison for a while. He and a couple of his friends drank a bit too much, damaged the window of some local shop and got a few bottles of wine from the display. Then they went to the park in the city centre and kept on drinking. Eventually they freaked out and broke a shitload of stuff there, including some statues etc.

Now he either has to pay a hefty sum or go to prison for a while, I still don't know how long.

What I also found out, he's still just hanging around with those people, drinking, smoking pot etc. and doing nothing else. My aunt can't do anything, he does what he will (my uncle died many years ago).

I might make some debts and lend him the money, and I would love to help my cousin. But I started doubting if that's the right thing to do regarding his future.

Please help me with some brainstorming, I don't want a solution, just some more things to think about that I might have missed. No holds barred.

you old is he? is he just figuring out he can't handle the substances (in public at least) and should (at least) try to do these things in a safe environment (home).

or is he easily swayed by the ruffians he hangs with to do these vandalism things (or is HE the ring leader)?

or is he the hopeless addict type who won't adjust his practices to conform with his abilities and is headed for destruction?

i'd explain stuff like that to him, unless he's already old enough to know. in which case i'd explain that i am NOT (nor should i be) a source of support or a 'safe harbor' for when he messes up.

what's prison like in germany? vicious assrape crap like in US?

 

[Crisidelm]

you old is he?...

I like this lapsus