wtf? i am, yet again, a loser

S

Sage

13 short of a dozen
Regular
i finally do what you people have been telling me to do and I ask this girl I work with to lunch last week because like yesterday was her last day. so she's all like "well I'm not going to take lunch today but we'll definitely have to do that sometime" and I was all like *yippee* and stuff. well, that didnt happen because i was sick and missed a bit of work. but so she actually came back today for a short time and I was thinking to myself "okay, I'm just going to ask her out" and you know what? Holy crap, I managed to do it! I just like asked someone I don't know that well to dinner! That's a bigtime first. And even better- she says yes. I mean, she wasn't like really enthusiastic about it and we didnt set a day because she's pretty buissy right now and I'm still a bit sick but she was agreeable. So, I'm just like floating all happy and stuff. Well, my cousin (whom I live with and works there too and is friends with her) comes home and we're talking and she's like "oh yeah, she was like kind of confused because she wasn't sure if you meant for buisiness or personal" (I had not too long ago alluded to some buisiness possibilities and that's sort of my excuse to asking her to lunch) and then "she said she was seeing someone" and then something about "well, dinner seems kind of thretening so I can see it was an akward situation for her" and I'm just like "damnit, I don't know wtf I'm doing, I don't know how any of this stuff is supposed to work."

So, i tried it, and I'm still a loser. I told you people and you didnt believe me. I think it's like a bad luck gene.
 
Sorry to hear that, Sage.

Perhaps asking her out for dinner was aimed a bit high considering you two don't know each other - but at least this way, you know where you stand and now you can either forget about her or still keep an eye out on her but on silent mode.

If I were you, I'd try to forget her for a while, seeing that she's seeing someone and therefore would be hesitant in getting close to someone else. Given that you two don't know eachother only makes it more of a challenge.

If you're not willing to give up that quickly... the best advice I can offer is, simply be yourself but don't show her that you're too keen or interested. Play your cards in away that you were just interested in knowing her a bit better seeing that you two work in the same business (?) and are just curious in nature [in meeting new people in general]. Give her the impression that you're not THAT interested... If you do, she might see that as threatning to her relationship/dating and will probably block off. The aim is to make her curious about you, but not too much. Once you'll get her out and she'll find interest, she might catch on (or maybe she won't... it's really hard to tell with women until you're actually at that point). A good idea would be to organise some drinks after work with a few from your work and ask if she'd like to join you guys. Nice and uncomplicated.


BTW; once you loose the interest in her due to being aware of her situation, you're likely to be more loose and comfortable in her presence anyway, since you'll be thinking "I have nothing to loose and it's ultimately her loss anyway". Ups the self-confidence, which is something women find attractive anyway (Girls like a challenge)...



edit: and one more thing: you're only a loser once you see yourself as one. :!:
 
My immediate response to reading that was: "well, you damn fool, there's more than one woman in this world," but my revised and less searing response is: well, too bad it didn't work, and congrats on being bold enough to ask her out. You win some, and you lose some.

Now that you've learned that there's a step beyond you getting the guts up to ask someone, you're only one step closer.
 
Being bold and confident isn't a guarantee of success. There are plenty of bold and confident people who get rejected time and time again. But at least those people know where they stand, (with the exception of certain stalker personalities), and are able to move on. If you didn't say anything, you'd probably still be wondering 2 or 3 months from now "what would have happened if...", (unless you get lucky like me and have your dream girl/boy hit on you). In other words, you did the right thing, even if it didn't take you where you wanted to go. Now get back in the saddle and try again, cowboy!

;)
 
Phil said:
Sorry to hear that, Sage.
(...)
Click to expand...

well, we did know each other just not taht well. also, I'm not at all interested if she's already seeing someone. and third, I'm probably never going to see her again- that's why I went ahead and asked her out.
 
The549 said:
My immediate response to reading that was: "well, you damn fool, there's more than one woman in this world," but my revised and less searing response is: well, too bad it didn't work, and congrats on being bold enough to ask her out. You win some, and you lose some.

Now that you've learned that there's a step beyond you getting the guts up to ask someone, you're only one step closer.
Click to expand...

well, aparently i did things wrong. that's according to my cousin. ironically, she told me basically to do what I HAVE been doing the last several years.
 
Being bold is definitely a solid choice. Working up to it.. also good. Depends on the situation.

I had to take the bold route with this woman that I like a lot. She said no.

Of course, I was proposing an age-gap date (she's 34, me = 21) and those almost never go through the first time.
 
Sage said:
...well, aparently i did things wrong. that's according to my cousin. ironically, she told me basically to do what I HAVE been doing the last several years.
Click to expand...
There isn't a structure in how to do anything. You have to figure out what works, and I would say confidence pretty much always helps. Being a downer rarely helps.
 
You did nothing wrong. The girl's not hot on you, so what? Move on, try next one. No big deal.

That blah with business and stuff, that was the part that was wrong. It makes things rather more difficult, since the girl can't know what to expect from you.
 
Ask more girls you like out. Practice makes perfect and soon enough, you'll know how to handle yourself around women.

Lots of people are really hesitant to ask someone out, and never do. The ones who do, sometimes hit a home run. But the more you do the more confidence you'll gain, just don't let the "No"s get you down.

Speng.
 
See it's like this. Everyone is drawn in by confidence. Humans love it, we're addicted to it, especially those that don't have it. Acting unconfident, means you appear unconfident, which means you don't get the rewards that appearing confident brings. As a human, any confident person will face rejection, the only reason they eventually succeed is because they don't let one or two bad experiences stop them... Hell half the fun in life is loosing.

If you're not afraid of failure, you'll never succeed... but if you never even take the risk of failure then you may as well give up hope. So you didn't get what you want! You pick yourself up, come back and try again tomorrow (albiet with someone else).

It comes back to the locust of control. You clearly have no self esteem, whatsoever... as such a side effect is that you believe you don't control your life. (Google the "locust of control"). It's a known fact that those who believe they control their lives, and control everything that happens to them are more successful. Don't listen to psychics, ignore the spiritual babel... if you want success TAKE IT, because nobody is going to give it.
 
sytaylor said:
london-boy said:
Did you try turning off AA and AF? Maybe run at a lower res.
Click to expand...

When i lower my res, my legs don't let me run as fast... r i wrong?
Click to expand...

You is wrong, yes. Lowering your res should yield better performance.

Also, turning off surround sound might save you a lot of cycles.
 
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