what do you name a global string in visual basic?
- Thread starter K.I.L.E.R
- Start date
Some meanings
Cigarette :
A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end & a fool at the other.
Love affairs :
Something like cricket where one-day internationals are more popular than a five day test.
Marriage :
Its an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her master.
Lecture :
An art of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through "the minds of either".
Conference :
The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.
Compromise :
The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece .
Tears :
The hydraulic force by which masculine will-power is defeated by feminine water-power ...
Conference Room:
A place where everybody talks, nobody listens & everybody disagrees later on.
Ecstasy:
A feeling when you feel you are going to feel a feeling you have never felt before.
Classic:
A book which people praise, but do not read.
Smile:
A curve that can set a lot of things straight.
Office:
A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.
Yawn:
The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.
Etc.:
A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.
Committee:
Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.
Experience :
The name men give to their mistakes.
Atom Bomb:
An invention to end all inventions.
Philosopher:
A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.
Diplomat:
A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.
Opportunist:
A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a river.
Optimist:
A person who while falling from Eiffel Tower says in midway "See I am not injured yet."
Pessimist:
A person who says that O is the last letter in ZERO, Instead of the first letter in word OPPORTUNITY.
Miser:
A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.
Father :
A banker provided by nature.
Criminal:
A guy no different from the rest... except that he got caught.
Boss:
Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.
Politician:
One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence after.
Doctor:
A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his bills.
Software Engineer:
One who gets paid highly for reading such mails.....
Cigarette :
A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end & a fool at the other.
Love affairs :
Something like cricket where one-day internationals are more popular than a five day test.
Marriage :
Its an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her master.
Lecture :
An art of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through "the minds of either".
Conference :
The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.
Compromise :
The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece .
Tears :
The hydraulic force by which masculine will-power is defeated by feminine water-power ...
Conference Room:
A place where everybody talks, nobody listens & everybody disagrees later on.
Ecstasy:
A feeling when you feel you are going to feel a feeling you have never felt before.
Classic:
A book which people praise, but do not read.
Smile:
A curve that can set a lot of things straight.
Office:
A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.
Yawn:
The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.
Etc.:
A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.
Committee:
Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.
Experience :
The name men give to their mistakes.
Atom Bomb:
An invention to end all inventions.
Philosopher:
A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.
Diplomat:
A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.
Opportunist:
A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a river.
Optimist:
A person who while falling from Eiffel Tower says in midway "See I am not injured yet."
Pessimist:
A person who says that O is the last letter in ZERO, Instead of the first letter in word OPPORTUNITY.
Miser:
A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.
Father :
A banker provided by nature.
Criminal:
A guy no different from the rest... except that he got caught.
Boss:
Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.
Politician:
One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence after.
Doctor:
A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his bills.
Software Engineer:
One who gets paid highly for reading such mails.....
Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; then it was too late."
Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is finished.
If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.
It's not true that married men live longer than single men. It only seems longer.
Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.
Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want, then when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that.
What is the difference between a battery and a wife?
A battery has a positive side.
Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is finished.
If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.
It's not true that married men live longer than single men. It only seems longer.
Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.
Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want, then when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that.
What is the difference between a battery and a wife?
A battery has a positive side.
The bumper sticker read: "I lost 250 pounds in one day, I divorced her."
Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are beautiful.
My wife and I are inseparable. In fact, last week it took our neighbours and a dog.
A beggar walked up to a well dressed woman shopping on Rodeo Drive and said "I haven't eaten anything in four days." She looked at him and said,"God,I wish I had your willpower."
A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get
married?" And the father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."
Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are beautiful.
My wife and I are inseparable. In fact, last week it took our neighbours and a dog.
A beggar walked up to a well dressed woman shopping on Rodeo Drive and said "I haven't eaten anything in four days." She looked at him and said,"God,I wish I had your willpower."
A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get
married?" And the father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."
What does a baby computer call his father?
Data.
What is a computer`s first sign of old age?
Loss of memory.
What happened when the computer fell on the floor?
It slipped a disk.
Why was there a bug in the computer?
It was looking for a byte to eat.
What is a computer virus?
A terminal illness.
To err is human; but to really mess things up requires a computer.
Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes.
The attention span of a computer is as long as its electrical cord.
***************
What computer acronyms really stand for:
ISDN - It Still Does Nothing
APPLE - Arrogance Produces Profit-Losing Entity
WWW - World Wide Wait
DOS - Defunct Operating System
IBM - I Blame Microsoft
MACINTOSH - Most Applications Crash; If Not, The Operating System Hangs
PENTIUM - Produces Erroneous Numbers Through Incorrect Understanding of Mathematics
AMIGA - A Merely Insignificant Game Addiction
MIPS - Meaningless Indication of Processor Speed
WINDOWS - Will Install Needless Data On Whole System
MICROSOFT - Most Intelligent Customers Realize Our Software Only Fools Teenagers
**************
This is the transcript of the ACTUAL radio conversation of a US naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October 1995. Canadians: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.
Americans: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collision.
Canadians: Negative. You will have to divert your course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.
Americans: This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.
Canadians: No. I say again, you divert YOUR course.
Americans: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS LINCOLN, THE SECOND LARGEST SHIP IN THE UNITED STATES` ATLANTIC FLEET. WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY THREE DESTROYERS, THREE CRUISERS AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS. I DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES NORTH, I SAY AGAIN, THAT`S ONE FIVE DEGREES NORTH, OR COUNTER MEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP.
Canadians: THIS IS A LIGHT HOUSE. YOUR CALL!
*****************
Why Computers are female....
5.No one but their creator understands their internal logic.
4.Even your smallest mistakes are immediately committed to memory for future reference.
3.The native language used to communicate with the other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.
2.The message, "Bad command or filename", is about as informative as "if you don t know why I m mad at you, then I m certainly not going to tell you".
1.As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.
Data.
What is a computer`s first sign of old age?
Loss of memory.
What happened when the computer fell on the floor?
It slipped a disk.
Why was there a bug in the computer?
It was looking for a byte to eat.
What is a computer virus?
A terminal illness.
To err is human; but to really mess things up requires a computer.
Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes.
The attention span of a computer is as long as its electrical cord.
***************
What computer acronyms really stand for:
ISDN - It Still Does Nothing
APPLE - Arrogance Produces Profit-Losing Entity
WWW - World Wide Wait
DOS - Defunct Operating System
IBM - I Blame Microsoft
MACINTOSH - Most Applications Crash; If Not, The Operating System Hangs
PENTIUM - Produces Erroneous Numbers Through Incorrect Understanding of Mathematics
AMIGA - A Merely Insignificant Game Addiction
MIPS - Meaningless Indication of Processor Speed
WINDOWS - Will Install Needless Data On Whole System
MICROSOFT - Most Intelligent Customers Realize Our Software Only Fools Teenagers
**************
This is the transcript of the ACTUAL radio conversation of a US naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October 1995. Canadians: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.
Americans: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collision.
Canadians: Negative. You will have to divert your course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.
Americans: This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.
Canadians: No. I say again, you divert YOUR course.
Americans: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS LINCOLN, THE SECOND LARGEST SHIP IN THE UNITED STATES` ATLANTIC FLEET. WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY THREE DESTROYERS, THREE CRUISERS AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS. I DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES NORTH, I SAY AGAIN, THAT`S ONE FIVE DEGREES NORTH, OR COUNTER MEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP.
Canadians: THIS IS A LIGHT HOUSE. YOUR CALL!
*****************
Why Computers are female....
5.No one but their creator understands their internal logic.
4.Even your smallest mistakes are immediately committed to memory for future reference.
3.The native language used to communicate with the other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.
2.The message, "Bad command or filename", is about as informative as "if you don t know why I m mad at you, then I m certainly not going to tell you".
1.As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.
Two soldiers are lost in the desert. Tired, thirsty, and very, very hungry.
One of them looks up and spots something in the distance.
"Oh lordy look at that" says he. The other soldier looks up and sees what looks very much like a bush made out of strips of bacon.
"My god! It's a bacon tree!!".
"I'll go an check it out." says the first soldier.
So he runs over to the bacon tree. Suddenly there is the sound of machine gun fire and the soldier drops to the ground, mortally wounded.
His mate crawls across the sand to where he's fallen.
"It.. it... it... wasn't a bacon tree after all", gasps the fallen one, "It was a... a... a... hambush."
One of them looks up and spots something in the distance.
"Oh lordy look at that" says he. The other soldier looks up and sees what looks very much like a bush made out of strips of bacon.
"My god! It's a bacon tree!!".
"I'll go an check it out." says the first soldier.
So he runs over to the bacon tree. Suddenly there is the sound of machine gun fire and the soldier drops to the ground, mortally wounded.
His mate crawls across the sand to where he's fallen.
"It.. it... it... wasn't a bacon tree after all", gasps the fallen one, "It was a... a... a... hambush."
Deepak said:
I once said a friends name in my sleep, and my wife went bonkers. She nows tries to wake when i talk in my sleep to see what I say. later,
shes actually woken me up after i say something im my sleep (a few months ago) to see whether i was playing with her or not.later,
You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You go up to her and say, "I am very rich.Marry me!"
That's Direct Marketing.
You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl.
One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you says,
"He's very rich.Marry him."
That's Advertising.
You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You go up to her and get her telephone number.
The next day you call and say, "Hi,I'm very rich.Marry me."
That's Telemarketing.
You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl.
You get up and straighten your tie, you walk up to her and pour her a drink.
You open the door for her, pick up her bag after she drops it, offer her aride, and then say,
"By the way, I'm very rich.Will you marry me?"
That's Public Relations.
You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl.
She walks up to you and says, "You are very rich.."
That's Brand Recognition.
You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You go up to her and say, "I'm rich.Marry me"
She gives you a nice hard slap on your face.
That's Customer Feedback !!!!!
***********
Who has received customer feedbacks and how many times???
You go up to her and say, "I am very rich.Marry me!"
That's Direct Marketing.
You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl.
One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you says,
"He's very rich.Marry him."
That's Advertising.
You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You go up to her and get her telephone number.
The next day you call and say, "Hi,I'm very rich.Marry me."
That's Telemarketing.
You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl.
You get up and straighten your tie, you walk up to her and pour her a drink.
You open the door for her, pick up her bag after she drops it, offer her aride, and then say,
"By the way, I'm very rich.Will you marry me?"
That's Public Relations.
You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl.
She walks up to you and says, "You are very rich.."
That's Brand Recognition.
You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You go up to her and say, "I'm rich.Marry me"
She gives you a nice hard slap on your face.
That's Customer Feedback !!!!!
***********
Who has received customer feedbacks and how many times???
Joe DeFuria
Legend
You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You avoid making eye contact with her, let alone going up to her and saying anything, such as "Hello", which could result in a response that gives the slightest implication of rejection.
That's "reality".
You avoid making eye contact with her, let alone going up to her and saying anything, such as "Hello", which could result in a response that gives the slightest implication of rejection.
That's "reality".
Edited version of Joe's post:
You see a gorgeous Bill Gates at a party.
You avoid making eye contact with it, let alone going up to his rear and saying anything, such as "Hello buttsekz", which could result in a response that gives the slightest $$$.
That's "Baldur's Gate 2".
You see a gorgeous Bill Gates at a party.
You avoid making eye contact with it, let alone going up to his rear and saying anything, such as "Hello buttsekz", which could result in a response that gives the slightest $$$.
That's "Baldur's Gate 2".
If the Dove is the bird of peace, then surely the Swallow must be the brid of love...
