Trying to restart my life during the pandemic.

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by digitalwanderer, Aug 26, 2020.

  1. digitalwanderer

    digitalwanderer Dangerously Mirthful
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    I've been being good. We've been staying in except for essentials, masks when we go out and social distancing, my daughter is taking the semester off school because we all agree it's kind of insane to go back right now, and generally just falling in to a lazy assed routine of nothing as the days blur past me.

    I'm tired of it, real tired. My house is falling apart due to new puppy which is normal but I'm not making enough effort to keep up with it, which isn't. My pool is f-ing green again and I got all the tools/chemicals to fix it, but I keep telling myself it's too hot and it's a pain in the ass with two puppies playing and wanting to play with you while you do it (fairness to me we've been having a heat wave and it's averaged about 103+F or around 40C for a week running now), my lawn is too long, the weeds are taking over my yard, and I got a toilet I really got to take apart and fix the seal from the upper tank to the lower tank (which I THINK I know how to do, how hard could it be?).

    The entire ground floor of my overly large house is covered in ripped up cardboard, magazines, shoes, and various other things the dogs have been having fun with, my red room where I build computers is blocked off so the puppy doesn't keep peeing on the hardwood floor, my car still can't pass emissions and I'm not sure why, I took my daughter to 37 medical appointments so far this month and next week is an MRI and a cardiologist (she's ok, something is wrong and she's in pain and has no energy but it's not like she's dying and we are desperately trying to find out what is wrong), and my back is starting to hurt just a bit from the hours I spend in my car driving and just sitting waiting for her appointments. (I only go in when she wants me or I have to, don't want to give anyone germs)

    My mom is a bit aggravated with me for not bringing the puppy over to play, but I made it up to her by bringing over my carpet cleaner and doing her carpets. She doesn't seem to realize that our "little" puppy is 3 times bigger than her dog already and I truly fear it could accidentally damage her. My mom is around 76 like my dad and they both have failing hearts and medical issues. They don't live together, they divorced back in '82 if I recall. Very unpleasant, I was 15 and got irrationally angry for a bit over a decade and turned a bit self-destructive/mean/alcoholic/drug addicty, but I got over it eventually. (I'm actually feeling bad for the Conway kids because of that a lot, sort of flashed me back as she's the same age I was and having your family fall apart really sucks and can turn your world upside down)

    Anyways, the one major difference aside from the entire world that I figured out was that I sort of stopped taking my meds back in March. I think it was a bit of rationalization about hording/rationing them, but a lot of it was did I want to be taking adderall every day and have tons of energy and not be able to go anywhere or do anything?

    Fast forward to last month. I was getting testy and had a short fuse and couldn't understand why. I started taking Lexapro again since it was an anti-depressant my cardiologist gave me to keep from getting too worked up. Since I started that I started my heart/blood pressure/cholesterol stuff again too since I have about a 3-4 month supply of all of them and I don't think I'll run out. The only meds I took pretty regularly was xanax, which was stupid but not. Stupid because it makes me laid back and lazy, but not stupid because when you're stuck in your house with 2 kids., a puppy, a psycho dog, and 5 cats with the occasional wife that calm and laid back ain't such a bad thing.

    But I recently started working on my PC which felt good, so I fixed up my car and liked myself for that. Got my wife's carpet all cleaned and felt really good, so today I'm restarting my adderall and am gonna try and get busy just getting my house in order so I'm not mad at myself all the time.

    One other thing about me going back on my ADHD meds, it tends to make me as chatty as a coke head the first few days until my body adjusts. Please forgive me for babbling too much stupid shit here, but I figure you're all either my friends or frenemies so y'all get it. This is the safest/bestest place for me to blow off steam. I either get great advice, funny comments, sick burns, or people can just ignore it. :)

    If you made it this far, WOW! GO GET A LIFE! ;)
     
  2. digitalwanderer

    digitalwanderer Dangerously Mirthful
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    Failing, thinking about divorce... :(
     
  3. digitalwanderer

    digitalwanderer Dangerously Mirthful
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    Decided to make a bet with myself to see if my wife cares or not. I stopped eating on Monday at around 4pm and decided I wouldn't until she noticed.

    I'm just about hitting the 72 hour point of my fast. :|
     
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  4. manux

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    I did two ~86h fasts last year. For me the second day of fast was hardest. Don't do what I did after the first fast. Eating good meal after that gave me giant diarrhea. Food went straight through and out. Free pipe cleaning. After second fast I ate very lightly and things were peachy!

    These are some unusual and trying times. For me fishing has been great relief on being able to do something other than isolate, take walks and hang around at home. What a positive effect little change of scenery does for my head.
     
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  5. Malo

    Malo Yak Mechanicum
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    Unless your wife makes food for you I'm not sure she's going to notice until you start feinting. I'm sure she assumes you are able to feed yourself when you need to.
     
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  6. Davros

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    Unless she's noticed but doesnt care ;)
     
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  7. Tkumpathenurpahl

    Tkumpathenurpahl Oil Monsieur Geezer
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    This isn't healthy. Stop it.

    If your wife came to you and told you she wanted a divorce because you didn't pass some obscure test she didn't even tell you about, would you consider her to be reasonable?

    You stated above that you went a bit self destructive when you were going through trauma, many moons ago. It seems like you're gravitating towards that now, in a time of stress. Probably because your brain is correlating a past stress with a present one.

    You also made mention of a whole bunch of drugs - legal ones, but drugs nonetheless - which also seem to echo past behaviour.

    You're clearly under a lot of stress. Please don't misidentify the present problems in your life. Because I guaran-fucking-tee you that you won't fix a damned thing in your life that way.

    DM me if you'd feel more comfortable that way, or just respond on here.
     
  8. digitalwanderer

    digitalwanderer Dangerously Mirthful
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    SORRY! I started eating about 80 hours in, my kids noticed and made me feel like shit about it. My wife and me finally went out and had a talk while she drove around on Friday and it's all cooler. I don't hate my wife, I don't WANT a divorce, I just want some attention. She realizes this now.

    Interesting side bit, while we were driving around she saw a medical supply company and wanted to see if she could buy a cpap machine off them to help her with sleep apnea. Long/short, we ended up driving around/calling places for a few hours trying to get her a cpap unit, but they're a prescription only medical device that she's going to have to wait a few weeks more for before they can officially get her one.

    She was very sad, so I asked her if she'd mind if I tried. Had a ResMed S9 cpap machine within 2 hours, sterilized it, and unbricked it and unlocked it to physician mode. Turns out it was the identical machine she did the sleep lab with and she had her own nose piece, so we just set the settings to the equipment we had and played around with the pressure level until it felt right. She got her test results online the next day with the official settings for the machine, and an appointment on Tuesday with her doctor which will hopefully get her a new one within a few weeks...but at least she'll be able to sleep well for those few weeks.

    She's used it for 2 days now, and she's feeling and acting like a totally different person. A rested and happy person who's much easier going, and I am very grateful. (As is she, she's still in shock I got the thing and got it working.)

    Achievement unlocked, acquiring/hacking/reprogramming prescription only medical equipment and using it for illegal human experimentation! I am officially one step closer to becoming a mad scientist! <3
     
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  9. digitalwanderer

    digitalwanderer Dangerously Mirthful
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    And since posting this I've been doing a whole lot better. I've been taking my meds religiously the last few months since my dad passed away. Everyone kept mentioning how he just blew off his heart meds all the time and I don't want that to be the case with me! The wife had foot surgery a few weeks ago to have a bone spur removed and she's doing well and almost recovered, she has about a week or so before she goes back to work. We've been getting along great, it's kind of scary for both of us. LOL

    We're still in lockdown. Kids aren't doing much but they've gotten better about helping me around the house and with projects. Today we're gonna try and put a new stove and microwave in, if we can get the stove in the door.

    Wife has been using her new/improved/kick ass cpap unit regularly and it's made a tremendous difference in her energy and mood, and both for the better! The puppies are still destroying the house, but I'm rolling with it now since we needed new carpet/furniture anyways and you only get to be a puppy once. Speaking of puppies, Pinky just turned 8 months old a week ago and is at about 85-95lbs. Buffy turned 3 years old a few days ago and weighs 73lbs. :|

    Hope all is well with everyone and you're all staying safe and staying sane. Not the easiest time for it, but in my country at least I'm hoping it'll be improving soon with the new change in leadership. (HOOOOO-RAH!)

    Big love and peace out! <3 :D
     
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  10. Silent_Buddha

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    Everytime I see this I think of Pinky from the Doom games and just try to imagine you raising a little Pinky Demon in your home. :)

    Regards,
    SB
     
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  11. Nesh

    Nesh Double Agent
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    You know reading all this, I have to say that the root of all is the need for attachment, association and connection with ourselves and others.
    When things are gone bad for kids and they didnt get the love and recognition of their self-expression and existence properly, this manifests as trauma. Then the brain correlates various events with the past trauma even though they should be perceived and dealt with differently.
    Thats when self destructive behaviors and addictions emerge and also a mind that cant judge correctly a situation. It creates defense mechanisms to avoid the trauma but it can get into a vicious cycle.
     
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  12. Grace Saunders

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    Ages ago, I tried to land minor parts in films, but people kept slandering me. I know this Nicolette McKeown had been responsible. But she was not the only one behind it. That's really annoying when some idiot holds a petty vendetta against some man they don't even know personally.

    Anyway, since this pandemic started, nobody has been doing much shooting anywhere anyway. Universal Extras is an agency I'm signed up to, but this pursuit is just a complete waste of time. They're notorious for texting you like, once a year, at random.

    Like, I got a text about being an extra in that new film called Tetris about a month ago. It's an upcoming feature film, with the actor who was in that biographical film about Sir Elton John. Only when I clicked the darn link, it said it had expired. The lack of notice for jobs, the bad (delayed) pay, and even the attitude of the people in charge at Universal Extras, has been frequently noted by others.
     
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  13. digitalwanderer

    digitalwanderer Dangerously Mirthful
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    Dumb as it sounds I don't think the entertainment system will ever be the same. Streaming will be replacing theaters, hopefully that will mean more content/more work for people in the industry soon. I do feel for ya Grace, things are awful for all productions lately and just to sound like the overly entitled American I am I miss the steady stream of new high quality content. :(

    Sorry I thought you were a 'bot earlier. After seeing the video you posted I looked you up on IMDB and found out you're legit. Apologies for the doubt/teasing. I meant to say that a few months/threads back but never got around to it. Better late than never I hope.

    Welcome to B3D. <3
     
  14. manux

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    I have had an idea of wanting to do short vr videos with real actors for a while now. Please feel free to run with this idea if you find it interesting. I can't act but I would like to experiment with the video and technology side to see if there is something there. Create some experiences that would be really in your face. Maybe start with remake scenes from known movies and make them better by allowing optimizing performance for one person in optimal viewing location. Don't know if there would be audience for such thing or how to make money out of it. These could be tremendously powerful experiences if done right. I believe oculus sold some 3 million vr headsets q4. There is ton of people with headsets and not enough content. This could be free app with pay per video to get more content.

    I think this would be new kind of performance as I would imagine trying to make these really optimized for single person and using that information as advantage. Maybe even use 360 video and 3d audio to allow things like actor being just behind the viewer or whisper into the ear of viewer.

    Maybe these tough times are time to find something completely new and ditch the traditional way of finding work. Above is one idea that could be interesting.

    It's possible to prototype this with fairly cheap equipment. Doing it proper though would require some heavy investment into good enough vr camera and audio recording equipment. Something on the cheap like vuze xr(199$ discount, 299$ regular price) would let one explore if there is life in this idea.
     
    #14 manux, Feb 19, 2021
    Last edited: Feb 19, 2021
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  15. WhiningKhan

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    Like Hardcore Henry in VR?
    Whoa, as Keanu would put it.
     
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  16. manux

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    Is hardcore henry good? I haven't seen it. One existing clip I have seen was basic instinct interrogation scene done in vr. Though it was porn, and it was :shock:. I'm not thinking of porn for my idea though.

    Non porn clips that are along the path I was thinking are these cirque du soleil 180 and 360vr clips. These clips are completely amazing and in many ways not doable in any other medium. It would be horribly expensive to get seat so close to these artists :-?



    One thing I would instantly pay for would be marvelous mrs maisel "comedy" like short clips done for vr for audience of 1. Even something as simple as poetry or perhaps playing guitar or,... would be super interesting for me. Being next to an artist playing your favorite thing and really feeling the presence, seeing everything supper accurately and having superb 3d audio would be transformative. Being a bit forward looking and making videos in 120fps would allow seeing very fine details in something like finger movement when playing guitar or expressions in artists face.

    But I don't think it needs to be anything super fancy to be compelling. This is whole new medium that begs to be explored. Whoever does it first has giant opportunity. People with vr headsets are starving at the moment for new content.
     
    #16 manux, Feb 20, 2021
    Last edited: Feb 20, 2021
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  17. digitalwanderer

    digitalwanderer Dangerously Mirthful
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    I liked Hardcore Henry a lot even though it was a little fake/cheesy at times. The premise was good and it was insanely well executed, definitely recommended to give it a watch!
     
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  18. manux

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    But me lacking any artistic talent is limiting. What I'm seriously thinking is to start travelling and make short 3d vr clips along the way. Maybe that produces something interesting and doesn't require other talent than getting the camera and audio right. Though there is plenty people get wrong there too. Many vr videos turn out crap quality or otherwise uninteresting.

    Another idea I have had is to make vr videos of beautiful places for meditation purposes. Would be fun to relax in cool places inside vr headset.
     
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