I just realized I'm such a fuck up

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by orangpelupa, Nov 5, 2019.

  1. orangpelupa

    orangpelupa Elite Bug Hunter
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    This hit my heart like... Like weighting it hard, really hard... And I don't have anyone to talk to...

    So, context :

    I work in government-owned company in Indonesia, building infrastructures.

    ---

    First:

    I've known that the company has been cutting meal money for each workers for years. They bought our meals, so it's not really visible that they has been cutting the money. But today I just realized that I should be able to do something about that, or at least get some kind of explanation or something... Because I just remembered that the work contract do actually mention specific amounts of money for the meals.

    But all these years I've done nothing. And now the company no longer buy meals due to most of the workers has already been fired (why I'm not fired yet?), they'll give meals money every 2 weeks instead. So I suppose they will no longer cutting it behind-the-scene...

    ---

    Second:

    Since the project is ending, I've been giving my stuff away.

    A few months ago I offered my TV to my work colleague who lives in this remote village when the projecteends, but he refused it. He said, he'll take TVs auctioned by the office instead. Saying that we're friends and he can't take things from me.

    Then yesterday I gave my headphones to the security guy, then later that day my work colleague (already fired) came to me to copy some of his files off work laptop, and asks "where's your headphones" when we gonna play call of duty mobile together...

    I simply said, oh I gave it to the security guy. Then he went silent...

    damn... I think I've made a mistake.

    I totally forgot that people in Indonesia have a culture where they will say "no" despite they actually want to say "yes". You need to ask them 3-5 times to get the real answer.

    When I offered my TV to him, I should have asked it again, something like "really? I'm okay with you having my TV" and "or do you want anything else? I can't bring back all of this stuff to Java Island, it'll be a great help if you can take something"

    ---

    I hate myself. And now I'm gonna eat spicy fried eggs to make myself forget everything
     
  2. Malo

    Malo Yak Mechanicum
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    I don't think anything you just talked about should justify hating yourself. Just the opposite, appreciate that you actually care when so many do not.
     
  3. temesgen

    Veteran Regular

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    Agreed, you sound like a very caring person. I don't see any issues beyond being a little bit more self forgiving.

    Keep it simple, get married and let your wife tell you everything you do wrong.
     
  4. milk

    Veteran Regular

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    Don't sweat it much, man. Normal occurance. We've all been there. And if anything, you are being more generous than most would in your position.
     
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  5. digitalwanderer

    digitalwanderer Dangerously Mirthful
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    Just feeling bad for your misunderstanding the situation is proof in itself that you're a good person, quit hating on yourself.

    That's MY job... :p
     
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  6. TheAlSpark

    TheAlSpark Moderator
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    "There is no hate but what we bake" -John
     
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  7. orangpelupa

    orangpelupa Elite Bug Hunter
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    Thank you for your kind words, it means so much. I'm really grateful to be able to know you thru this forum.

    I

    I think someone are cutting onions
     
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  8. Davros

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    Could it be they are worried that if they take anything electrical from you it will be cursed?
     
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  9. orangpelupa

    orangpelupa Elite Bug Hunter
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    ORANGPELUPA and The Sacred Cat's Curse of Anything Electrical
     
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  10. eloyc

    Veteran Regular

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    Ok, everybody said it, but I wanted to, as well: @orangpelupa , stop whipping yourself! I know, some of us who like to feel sorry for other people and to overanalyse ourselves have it a little bit more difficult, but yeah, we can do it. It's plain that you care, it's just that many times things are not how we would like them to be, and it's useless to keep overthinking and imagining lots of "what ifs".
    <3
     
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  11. orangpelupa

    orangpelupa Elite Bug Hunter
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    Indeed, the only good "what ifs" are from Randall Munroe
     
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  12. AlphaWolf

    AlphaWolf Specious Misanthrope
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    Pro tip.

    When dealing with people who won't take charity. Sell them the item as cheap as they'll let you. Refuse to take immediate payment, then never bother to collect.
     
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