Engineer Jokes

[Tahir2]

Found these at the most unlikely place: http://www.eet.com/op/buzz

Part 1

An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it were better to spend time with the wife or a mistress.

The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring relationship.

The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because of the passion and mystery he found there.

The engineer said, "I like both."

"Both?," the others said.

"Yeah" he said, "If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go to the lab and get some work done."

Part 2

To the optimist, the glass is half full.

To the pessimist, the glass is half empty.

To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

Class!

 

[Humus]

To the optimist, the glass is half full.
To the pessimist, the glass is half empty.
To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

So true!

 

[K.I.L.E.R]

To the physicist, the glass is inversely proportional to the water.

 

[MuFu]

Three guys, a physicist, a mathematician, and an engineer were out in the woods on a scouting expedition. When all of a sudden, something quickly began to run through the brush.

The physicist observed that it behaved in a deer-like manner, so it must be a deer.

The mathematician asked the physicist what it was, thereby reducing it to a previously solved problem.

The engineer was in the woods to hunt deer. Therefore, it was a deer.

Love it.

MuFu.

 

[horvendile]

This story was told by my calculus teacher the first year at uni, and I'll have a go at translating it.

An engineer, a physicist and a mathematician all visit a hotel. (To make the story consistent, it had better be different hotels, but never mind, it's not important for the point!)

In the night, the engineer awakens to discover that there is a small fire in his room. He jumps out of bed, runs out of his room, push fire alarm buttons, gets hold of a fire extinguisher and noisily puts the fire out.

The physicist, in the same situation, starts doing calculations on a paper he has by the bed. Upon finishing them, he goes to the bathroom and measure up a certain amount of water that he uses to put the fire out. It is precisely enough water to do that.

The mathematician also does calculations on a paper. He thereby finds that it is indeed possible to put the fire out, and goes back to sleep.

 

[horvendile]

Aah, another one! I don't remember where I heard this one, could be the same source.
An engineer, a physicist and a mathematician want to know how to fry a piece of meat in the best way.

The mathematician solves hairy heat conduction equations.

The physicist fries a hundred beefs in different ways and takes note of the results.

The engineer calls his mom and asks.

 

[Saem]

3 accountants and 3 engineers have to go on a train ride to a meeting.

Each accountant buys a ticket. The engineers collectively buy one. The accounts are puzzled and ask, "How are you all going to ride on one ticket?" "You'll see", coyly the replies one of the engineers. They all get aboard the train. The engineers all huddle into the bathroom. The conductor comes by and collects the tickets from the acountants and then knocks on the bathroom door and says, "Ticket, please." The door opens a crack and one of the engineers slips out the ticket. The rest of the ride and the meeting go off splendidly.

On the way back the accounts wisen up, they buy 1 ticket collectively, the engineers buy none. The accounts are again puzzled and inquire about it, their met with the same coy reply. As the train starts the acountants climb into one bathroom and the engineers in another. A few minutes before the conductor comes by, an engineer walks over to the bathroom the accountants are in, knocks and says, "Tickets, please!"