Sage said:
You know, having just turned 40 a few weeks ago I'm not sure how to take that little spiel.
eHarmony hates me
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You know, having just turned 40 a few weeks ago I'm not sure how to take that little spiel.
Sounds a bit... weird, but i think he means that being 40 and single is not the best for him.........?Whereas you, John, have lived your life with someone u love (u're married right?), and have lots more to look forward to with that person...?
Sage said:london-boy said:
Whereas you, John, have lived your life with someone u love (u're married right?), and have lots more to look forward to with that person...?
well, that and I will probably never make it to 60. My grandfather on my mothers side died in his early 40's. Heart troubble is hereditary.... on BOTH sides of the family. And, it's not like I'm exactly a good physical specimen. I've probably already lived about half of my life....
... If you wanted to bring our moods down.... Well done.
Really, no need to be negative, and if anything u should live ur life to the fullest and be as positive as you can. You'd be surprised how better u'd feel if you're positive with life.
london-boy said:
Whereas you, John, have lived your life with someone u love (u're married right?), and have lots more to look forward to with that person...?
Yeah, my wife and I have been together since the 80s. I was joking about the "life is over at 40-ish" comment. "It" still works just fine, TYVM. 8)
The longest I had any relationship last before meeting my wife was 14 weeks. I was almost 25 years old and I remember walking to the track across the street from my college apartment and sitting on the bleachers at night thinking that I'd never find anyone I could really connect with and that I would always be alone.
Sage said:
Oh for God's sake David, get a grip!!! You're basing you "life failure", ur whole future on a thing at 13 years of age?!?!
This thread is the byproduct of your disappointment over a 2 week thing, over the phone, that left you a bit disappointed?!
Get a freaking grip and stop crying about things, people have problems, but if we all were to live our lives just sitting there crying over ourselves waiting to die, then life on this planet would have ended a long time ago.
(Sorry, shock therapy)
Sage said:
Well, whether it was 2 or 14 weeks (14 was the longest, many lasted quite a bit less time) the point is that others have felt very similar emotions as you're feeling and yet found happiness. For some it just takes longer than others, but think about this: the more you're depressed and despondent about life, the longer you're going to be alone. It's a vicious circle of self-pity that's going to keep you trapped in your loneliness. Unless you're now comfortable with your current mental/emotional state and are scared to even believe you can find a little joy and happiness.
Sage said:
Life is not what happens to you, it's how you choose to deal with what happens. None of us can really control what this life throws at us, but we can control how we decide to deal with the negative things that come and go.
I did not have a good childhood and that still affects me. I spend more energy fighting depression than I exert on probably any other single thing in my life because of my childhood. It would be very easy to let myself live a sad, depressed life and to dwell on all the bad things that happened years ago that scarred my early years. But that's not the life I want for myself, and so while it was hard and, to some extent because of my pride, embarrassing, I went to counseling in my late teens/early 20s and gruellingly worked through a lot of the baggage I was carrying on my back. Is it all gone? No, and I don't delude myself into that it is. But I do believe I am now a fairly happy and well-centered/balanced person who enjoys his life and is thankful for all I have (family, health, etc.).
You have a choice. You can continue to wallow in your unhappiness or you can choose to try and do something about it. I hope this doesn't sound cold or indifferent, because I'm really trying to just simplify that the decision making process can be that black 'n white. Sure, there might be a lot of internal hurdles resisting seeking help (depression, low self-esteem, etc.) but when you boil it all down the only thing preventing you from at least trying to make things better is you.
The549 said:
hey i wasnt asking for the right person to fall in my lap... i was just asking for there to be SOMEONE in my life other than me. I go to work and sit in front of a computer in a closet all day. i go home to an empty apartment and sit in my room in front of a computer the rest of the time. i dont have any real friends that i actually get to see anymore. you try locking yourself in your room for 3 months. see how depressed you get.
now then...
i'm sorry for all of the whining, i just needed to eat. all i had yesterday was a microwave half-bowl of soup and then a small plate of some mexican-flavored slush. hadn't had anything today. now i have. i feel all warm and happy and satisfied. it still sucks that im destined to die, single, at age 55. but, now i'm perfectly satisfied with that. i would love to go to sleep right now. *types increasingly slowly* mmmm... sleeepy... haaaapy sleeeeeepy... mmmmm...
If you would have said that while standing in front of me (especially in the room that I've been living in for thE PAST 3 MONTHS YOU WHINING $1*#^&**#@@$) then I would have hit you over the head with my dead radeon 9800 pro!!Sage said:
If you're clinically depressed, I'm sorry. But I already have a friend with depression, and she's found someone for herself. It all adds up to you getting youself out in the world for all the lovely ladies to see (and the attitude thing that JR described previous).
.....
..
After you get a bit to eat.
do you mean literally you have not left your room or talked to anyone in the past 3 months?
and i dont know how i'm supposed to just "get out there" ...people talk about this stuff like you can just somehow magically meet a bunch of people. like i can just say "oh, hey, I'm gonna get 'out there' and meet people" but you neglect to think out WHERE? THERE? Where the hell is THERE? is there some imaginary, vague place that i can just will myself to?
and, good for your friend. thanks for putting an end to this "attitude" thing and proving my point that i'm fundementally and irreperably flawed.
and i dont know how i'm supposed to just "get out there" ...people talk about this stuff like you can just somehow magically meet a bunch of people. like i can just say "oh, hey, I'm gonna get 'out there' and meet people" but you neglect to think out WHERE? THERE? Where the hell is THERE? is there some imaginary, vague place that i can just will myself to?
and, good for your friend. thanks for putting an end to this "attitude" thing and proving my point that i'm fundementally and irreperably flawed.
I don't want to bicker, but have you not been able to?Sage said:
Well, in college I've been doing a damn shitty job of it myself.....haven't really made any new friends, don't have a hangout...doesn't seem like anyone here is anything like me (weird and crazy)....but I'm figuring it out. And at least I'm trying. Just don't quit trying and make yourself out for dead. Go places. Talk to people. Go out for a long walk tonight instead of sleeping......cry.....do SOMEthing other than sit.Sage said:
Sage, I can tell you're a good guy, which is why I'm not sugaring anything I say to you. We may be a good bunch, but you won't find inspiration in pixels, no matter how bright.Sage said:
let me tell you what i did today- i woke up, took a shower, ate breakfast, went to work. when i got to work i went straight to my closet. one of the girls i work with said good morning over SameTime (IBM Lotus instant messaging- used for interoffice communication). Someone had a computer problem so i spent 5 minutes at their deserted computer fixing it. spend the next several hours on B3D. My cousin came in and asked what i wanted to do for lunch- she agreed to go to SouperSalad and pick us up some things. So, while she was gone, i manned her station. one person came in and bought some vitamins. We ate lunch together when she got back. Then, I went back and sat in my closet for a few more hours. Then, she comes and gets me to man her station since she wants to leave early. So, I sit there and browse B3D for a few more hours. One more person came in and bought some vitamins. The phone rang twice. Then I went home. I got here and played some EQ2 where some stupid caster decided to run up to the boss mob while I was sneaking up on it to backstab it. We died. My computer restarted on its own. My mom called and we discussed where to shovel some of our money for about 5 minutes. Now I'm back browsing B3D. I've actually had more human interaction today than most days.The549 said:
but what is SOMETHING? It's not like I can just wave a magic wand and suddenly be doing this "something" that yo refer to. go where? talk to who? and I don't feel comfortable walking, especially alone, especially at night. crying... yeah that's something im good at. i do it a lot.
read my sig. B3D is my only friends anymore. I don't even like to talk to my roomate because she cant be anything but critical and if i do anything but suck up to her she'll get all depressed and in a bad mood and my life would be EVEN WORSE. Not that she's actually ehre most of the time. I see her more at work than I do at home.
Sage said:
Man, you live with your work? No wonder you're so depressed! Find somewhere else to live with all that spare time you're using locking yourself away playing EQ2.
I can only dream of the days when I had disposable time like that. I haven't even finished HL2 yet. In fact, I'm not even sure if I'm half way.
You might be asd for being lonely, but at the end of the day, unless you at least show that you're positive with life (even though u're not feeling that way inside), they will avoid you.
Trust me, everyone have had a troubled childhood, not sure i told u mine, but if i didn't, you can ask Natoma. And really, although we live completely different realities, in completely different environments, have completely different personalities (i don't sleep with whole families and their cats... ), in the end you really need to pull out of this "thing" you're in and... GET OUT THERE
We all have childhood traumas, some worse than others, some people "decide" to just forgets about them, some people automatically forget about them, some other people look back and learn from them, and learn that living their lives waiting for something good to happen to them without doing nothing, without working for it (cause in the end, this is what you're doing, whether you like the idea or not) is not the right thing to do. That means trying to make your life better, you don't like your job? Do something about it! You hate where you live? DO something about it! You have no real friends? DO something about it!
I still can't believe this discussion stems from your "disappointment" when you were 13yo and had a 2 week thing with somoone. By phone! Really, there are people, like me, who had real problems, and i think everyone here knows how i deal with life. Obviously you had more problems than that, otherwise i'd just say u're insane.
Trust me, everyone have had a troubled childhood, not sure i told u mine, but if i didn't, you can ask Natoma. And really, although we live completely different realities, in completely different environments, have completely different personalities (i don't sleep with whole families and their cats...
), in the end you really need to pull out of this "thing" you're in and... GET OUT THERE We all have childhood traumas, some worse than others, some people "decide" to just forgets about them, some people automatically forget about them, some other people look back and learn from them, and learn that living their lives waiting for something good to happen to them without doing nothing, without working for it (cause in the end, this is what you're doing, whether you like the idea or not) is not the right thing to do. That means trying to make your life better, you don't like your job? Do something about it! You hate where you live? DO something about it! You have no real friends? DO something about it!
I still can't believe this discussion stems from your "disappointment" when you were 13yo and had a 2 week thing with somoone. By phone! Really, there are people, like me, who had real problems, and i think everyone here knows how i deal with life. Obviously you had more problems than that, otherwise i'd just say u're insane.
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