Crazy Childhood Stuff

[Natoma]

Come on everyone. Let's hear the craziest things you did to yourself as a kid. I'll start things off.

1) When I was 5 I saw a commercial for Lysol that said that spraying it on any surface would kill all germs. Thinking that this would be an optimal way to cleanse myself, I subsequently sprayed Lysol on my ass after going potty.

It burned...............

2) When I was 11 I had braces. I was always intrigued by the electrical properties of metal in general, and my braces were no different. In order to determine whether or not the metal in my mouth was conductive, I took a 9 volt battery and hooked the positive edge to my upper row and the negative edge to the bottom row, then clenched my teeth.

Nothing happened.

Thinking it might take something conductive to fully close the circuit, I filled my mouth with saliva and tried again. Lightning flew in front of my eyes and my head jerked back forcibly.

Suffice it to say I never did that again.

3) When I was 6 I watched my uncle shaving in the bathroom and wanted to emulate him. Seeing as I had no beard or mustache hair of my own, I shaved off the next best thing, i.e. my right eyebrow. However I left my left eyebrow intact once I realized that something was wrong with the way I looked without an eyebrow.

Everyone from my mother to my pastor spent the next 3-4 weeks laughing at me as my right brow grew back in.

-----------------------------

So let's see some stories.

 

[pax]

as a very young kid me and my bro poured a bottle of 7up into an empty jug of javex (we liked the nice grip handle the jug had to hold on vs the big unwieldy 7up bottle) we then put it next to a bunch of identical jugs of javex that were still full.

We went to play and came back of course not being sure of which jug had the 7up. I decide to taste test bottles to find out.

Puked my brains out with one sip of a wrong bottle... Mom of course simply flushed the real bottle of 7up as it possibly had been mixed with javex. This was back in the early 70's. I was maybe 4 years old.

 

[Ilfirin]

When I was 2 years old, and still lived in Rhode Island my mom was on the phone one night when she was supposed to be cooking us (family o' six) dinner. When she gets on the phone, she doesn't get off for hours, and I was damned starving. So I snuck into the freezer, took out some frozen pizzas, and went to the basement.

I took out a mini charcoal grill, poured in some charcoal and lighter fluid, lit a match and lit the grill (all still in the basement, under our house). Threw the pizza on and did a rather poor job of cooking the pizzas on a grill. Other than the pizzas turning out kind of burnt and goopy, nothing happened, but my mom smelt the smoke and ran down stairs to put the grill out. I didn't even get to eat the pizzas.. but it got her off the phone so I didn't need them anyway

Anyway, nothing happened and it was no big deal (no one got burned, no fire broke out, or anything like that), but for some reason every time I go visit family in RI I still get made fun of because of it, and my parents like to bring it up too.

 

[zurich]

When I was about 6 or 7 I drove a dirtbike (full throttle) into a cow... It just stood there and 'moo'ed while I was banged up pretty badly. Like a week later the same cow got hit by a train.. gutsy bastard

 

[K.I.L.E.R]

When I was 6, I attempted to make love to my teddy bear.

7 - put on some female stockings and went into the toilet bowel touching myself.

9 - started masturbating.

15 - urinated on public chairs

17 - ejaculated into a condom twice a day for 5 days and brought it to school showing it to everyone. My friend went so white he looked undead. I thought it was funny.

 

[zurich]

When I was 6, I attempted to make love to my teddy bear.

7 - put on some female stockings and went into the toilet bowel touching myself.

9 - started masturbating.

15 - urinated on public chairs

17 - ejaculated into a condom twice a day for 5 days and brought it to school showing it to everyone. My friend went so white he looked undead. I thought it was funny.

No comment

 

[rabidrabbit]

1) When I was 5 I saw a commercial for Lysol that said that spraying it on any surface would kill all germs. Thinking that this would be an optimal way to cleanse myself, I subsequently sprayed Lysol on my ass after going potty.

It burned...............

Ha
Simillar incident happened to my boyfriend, only he was not a child then anymore.
He'd got crabs somewhere, for the first (and hopefully last) time in his life. He then whashed his pubics with chlorite bleach solution hoping to get rid of them. Didn't work
Recently he was preparing come chili, and then went for a pee.
Afterwards he felt stinging and burning in his cock, and thought he'd got some std. Morale of the story: Always wash your hands after cutting chili, before taking dick in hand.

Childhood stories.... cant remember any.

 

[Natoma]

When I was about 6 or 7 I drove a dirtbike (full throttle) into a cow... It just stood there and 'moo'ed while I was banged up pretty badly. Like a week later the same cow got hit by a train.. gutsy bastard

Now that's comic.

 

[John Reynolds]

When I was 6, I attempted to make love to my teddy bear.

7 - put on some female stockings and went into the toilet bowel touching myself.

9 - started masturbating.

15 - urinated on public chairs

17 - ejaculated into a condom twice a day for 5 days and brought it to school showing it to everyone. My friend went so white he looked undead. I thought it was funny.

You know that just way, way TMI. I have a ribald sense of humor, but God that crossed a few lines.

 

[RussSchultz]

A guy I knew at college had his first condom in a jar somewhere.

Very strange man. Very. Not as strange as KILER, though.

 

[Heathen]

Ate a tin of Slmon and Tuna Catfood once when I was four. I was hungry it was the only thing I could get into.

 

[jvd]

3 years old i climbed up a book case to get a toy my sister put up there. Broke my arm

6 years old a female friend and i were rollerskating , i couldn't skate but she can so i tried impressing her , broke the other elbow and set up a sad sad life time habit of not impressing women .

14 years old went skinny dipping in the town pool with the head varsity cheer leader. Cops came and her and I went running through the town naked for 2 hours till we snuck into my friends house and got clothes.

14 years old had sex for the first time at a party , most of the party came into the room.

15 Tried chugging a bottle of jack daniels at a school dance and threw up on my date and a teacher.

16 reversed into a parked car

17 got arrested for having sex with 2 girls and my parents had to come get me out of jail. all i had was a towel on not a fun few months

18 - drove 7 hours to another college to catch my gf of a year in bed with another person then going to a bar and having sex with some girl in the bar and finding out my friends had a tape of me having sex with the girl .

21- buying a ring to propose to my gf of 3 years an engagment ring and getting dumped an hour before proposing it was not fun returning that ring . and now i don't enjoy x mass .

 

[zurich]

14 years old had sex for the first time at a party , most of the party came into the room.

Ahh so you're that guy in that MasterCard-spoof photo!

 

[Joe DeFuria]

This one time...at band camp....

 

[K.I.L.E.R]

Well the thread is about some crazy things that we done in our childhood.

When I was 6, I attempted to make love to my teddy bear.

7 - put on some female stockings and went into the toilet bowel touching myself.

9 - started masturbating.

15 - urinated on public chairs

17 - ejaculated into a condom twice a day for 5 days and brought it to school showing it to everyone. My friend went so white he looked undead. I thought it was funny.

You know that just way, way TMI. I have a ribald sense of humor, but God that crossed a few lines.

 

[jvd]

14 years old had sex for the first time at a party , most of the party came into the room.

Ahh so you're that guy in that MasterCard-spoof photo!

haha no i've seen that picture and thankfully when i was 14 the internet was not widely used . I think at that time it was 14.4 baud modems.

 

[John Reynolds]

One time when I was around 5-6 my older sister (6 years older) walked past me on her way to taking a bath and gave me a 'dutch' rub (headlock with knuckles rubbed across the scalp). This apparently pissed me off, because I remember waiting for her to finish her bath (door left slightly open to let the steam out), at which point I snuck into the room behind her as she was leaning over the sink, still naked. I chose that moment to enact my revenge, sinking my teeth into her left buttock and not letting go. I remember her screaming at the top of her lungs, jerking me across the bathroom trying to dislodge the Pitbull-like jaw-lock I had on her. Our mom, hearing the screams, came into the room and had to pull me off. She said you could see an almost perfect indent of every one of my teeth on my sister's butt; I still tell my sister I'm amazed the taste I probably got into my mouth didn't make me gay.

My maternal grandfather was a verbally abusive person toward his entire family. He was forced to walk on canes due to bad arthritis, and I came to fear those canes as oaken rods of correction. Block grandpa's vision while he was watching his big-time wrestling and you'd suddenly feel one of those canes' handles wrap around your neck as you were yanked off your feet, very painfully. But his verbal torrents were by far worse and even as a young boy I resented the way he spoke to my mother and grandmother. So one day while he was whittling on the backporch I decided to lay hands on the garden hose and proceeded to thoroughly drench the old, helpless bastard. If I live to be a thousand I'll never forget his voice, screaming "Carol [my mother], get your god damn kid NOW!!" For that I stuck a banana into his back pocket that night as he walked slowly from the dinner table to his favorite chair. I don't think mom ever punished me for that.

My wife's personal favorite story to embarass me with is how, as a teenager cruising around on the main drag in my friend's '69 yellow Volkswagon bug, I decided to jump out and onto the hood of another car at a red light next to us that was full of girls and whip my manhood out smacking off their front windshield. My only defense is that I was very, very drunk from too many 7oz bottles of Little Guiness beer. The really funny part is that the driver turned her windshield wipers on and caught me with fluid. Ahh, the memories.

 

[Bigus Dickus]

Erm... I'm not telling!

 

[K.I.L.E.R]

Erm... I'm not telling!

Yes you are hunny buns.

 

[Basic]

Maybe not as fun misstakes, but I guess I can contribute with a collection of scars. (All still visible.)

~3 Running and falling into a marble table, four stitches in the forehead (hairline).

5 Standing at the sink on a chair with a round seat, peeling an apple with a potato peeler. Then I tried to stand on a corner of the chair. Three sticthes. That scar never faded in any way, so there have been a few people asking me if I once had a hare lip corrected.

~7 Running and faling onto a bedpost. No stitches, but still got a 15mm scar under my right eye.

~10 Sliding on my feet down an ice slide we made at breakes in school. But my shoes was "better" for this purpouse than the other kids', so I kept on and smacked straight into a wall. And most significantly, into a metal window sill (*). It was bleeding quite a lot. Nothing dangerous, but enough to look bad. And as anyone who has been bleeding into snow knows, it makes it look a lot worse than it is.
My teatcher seemed to think that I was gone, and were quite relieved when it just needed two stitches in the corner of my mouth.

16 Sitting on a stepladder (one of those that looks like an big A), and working on a spot welding set that was suspended in the roof. I was just tightening a screw in the bottom of it as someone yanked a cable that went between the legs of the stepladder. I slid, and stabbed the screwdriver full force into the bone right outside my left eye, then it slid in just slightly between that bone and the eye.
I was fully confident that the eye was gone as I went to a mirror to see it. But when I cleaned off the blood, and finally dared to open the eye and look at it. I realized that there was no more damage than an extra wrinkle in the corner of my eye.



(*) Hmm, that word came straight from my dictionary, but I'm not sure if I got it right. So I'll give an alternative description: that metal thingy that usually sits below a window.