9 things I hate about everyone

[AAlcHemY]

1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time.... I know where my watch is pal, where the f*ck is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?

2. People who are willing to get off their ass to search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually.

3. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". Damn right! What good is a cake if you can't eat it?

4. When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why the ***** would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they? Gonna Kick their ass!

5. When people say while watching a film "did you see that?". No Loser, I paid $12 to come to the cinema and stare at the ***** floor.

6. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?".... Didn't really give me a choice there, did ya sunshine?

7. When something is 'new and improved!'. Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it.

8. When people say "life is short". What the *****?? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever ***** does!! What can you do that's longer?

9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks "Has the bus come yet?". If the bus came would I be standing here, dumbass?


..

 

[K.I.L.E.R]

LMFAO!!!! Give us more.

 

[Gollum]

LOL! Reminds me a lot of George Carlin's style, great stuff!

 

[Don't Ask]

1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time.... I know where my watch is pal, where the f*ck is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?

Some people do this to avoid confusion. Especially in crowded places where it's difficult to hear the person standing next to you. The point is that there is nothing wrong with some one asking for the time using body language, unless someone pointed at your crotch and asked where the bathroom was, but in some instances that could be a fun thing.

2. People who are willing to get off their ass to search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually.

Why not? Once you find you the remote, you won't have to get off your ass again.

3. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". Damn right! What good is a cake if you can't eat it?

I don't really see what you're getting at, but here in America we have something called "Figure of Speech".

4. When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why the ***** would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they? Gonna Kick their ass!

I've never really heard anyone say that, but I think I would get what they mean if I do.

5. When people say while watching a film "did you see that?". No Loser, I paid $12 to come to the cinema and stare at the ***** floor.

Well what if you didn't see it? My eyes aren't ALWAYS glued on the TV, I maybe looking for the remote.

6. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?".... Didn't really give me a choice there, did ya sunshine?

What if the question they intend to ask is offensive, or what if you just don't feel like being bothered to argue/answer?

7. When something is 'new and improved!'. Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it.

Sure there has, new means produced not long ago. If it's improved it's even better. Think of CDs and DVDs. The IDEA of the disc and its decoding methods have been there since the CD. The "inventors" IMPROVED the standard CD format by creating a NEW format and a NEW decoding method to store more data (DVD). This is becoming more and more of a standard, like the transition from casette to CD. DVD is the NEW and IMPROVED Compact Disc.

8. When people say "life is short". What the *****?? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever ***** does!! What can you do that's longer?

Do some soul searching if you don't get what that means.

9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks "Has the bus come yet?". If the bus came would I be standing here, dumbass?

Here in baltimore, there are busses with numbers on them. There is also a chart you can read to find out which of those buses go where you intend to or don't. If someone asks if the bus came yet they probably aren't going very far, all busses intersect at some point.

The only reason I quoted you is because I totally disagree with your every attempt to make something funny out of the way people think normally. I don't find any of this funny, even if this were just meant as a joke. Sorry if this offends you, I just don't find this thread funny.

Besides, George Carlin would come up with something you hardly think of, or something original. At least he is funny.

 

[AAlcHemY]

You can make 99% of all jokes sound stupid, where is the fun when you cant even laugh anymore ? :? ( no offence )

 

[Gerry]

1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time.... I know where my watch is pal, where the f*ck is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?

Some people do this to avoid confusion.

bla bla bla

Besides, George Carlin would come up with something you hardly think of, or something original. At least he is funny.

Good god man, you must be the life and soul of the party.

An obvious cut-and-paste job of some observational comedy and you treat it like some kind of thesis in need of critique.

Unless of course you were being ironic.

 

[jvd]

5. When people say while watching a film "did you see that?". No Loser, I paid $12 to come to the cinema and stare at the ***** floor.

I hate people that pay 12$ to see the cinema and then complain about it . Don't go and pay the money .




I also hate people who post in the console forum and don't use english

 

[John Reynolds]

I hate women drivers. Chauvinistic as it sounds, women just do not seem to have the same level of situational awareness as men, and it drives me nuts. I'd go grocery shopping with my wife toward the end of her pregnancy so she wouldn't have to lift anything heavy or push the cart and women would constantly park their carts in the middle of an aisle, blocking all traffic, block the aisle with their bodies, etc., completely oblivious that this large building might indeed have other shoppers currently trying to make use of the facility.

I hate people who sit nearby me in the movie theatre and talk. The wife and I saw Seabiscuit (best movie of the year so far) yesterday and the two elderly womens' incessant chatter behind us really didn't add much to the experience.

I hate public smokers. I hate when they hover outside the building's entrance, so that every morning as I go to work I get to walk through a nice cloud of unfiltered cigarette smoke. This particular hatred borders on the pathological since both of my parents smoked while I was growing up, and I pity the first person who lights up or even exhales into my daughter's face.

There's a special place in hell for those who drive slowly in the fast lane. 'Nuff said.

I hate Microsoft. It comes with the job. I've yet to meet a person who works in a IM-related job who'll actually say, "I like Microsoft; they do a swell job!"

I hate my in-laws. My wife's not too fond of them either, so it's not an issue in our marriage. 'Nuff said.

I hate pizza delivery guys whose cars leak oil onto my driveway. And I don't notice this until after I've given them a $2-3 tip!

I hate the neighbors across the street, who refuse to control their little clan of hellions, cut their grass more than once a year, or move that piece of junk that's rusting all over their driveway. I'm sure there are trailer courts where they'd fit in much better, but I haven't thought of a nice way of telling them that yet. And speaking of, I hate first-time home owner loans that only require 1% down.

I hate some of the stray cats my wife feeds because at least one of the little bastards shits all over my yard. Who the hell has ever seen a cat that prefers an open yard to nice, well-mulched flower beds?

I hate the federal civil service that gives 'jobs' to people, and yet doesn't have actual work for them to do. So they come into a building every week, do little more than drink coffee, surf the web, and take long (we're talking 3-hours) lunch breaks, and then leave early (we're talking around 3pm). If the average American knew just how large a percentage of his/her taxes were funneled straight down this bottomless well of fraud, waste, 'n abuse, Capitol Hill would be surrounded by rioting mobs. But, hey!, it keeps the unemployment #s down, eh?

And, last, I hate those little stiff, perforated ads that every magazine has in them these days. Blech!

 

[London Geezer]

gosh someone needs to get a life....
gosh someone needs to get a shag....

 

[Himself]

Grouchy Smurf says:

I hate people that say they hate this or that.

 

[Malo]

wow John, I'm glad you've taken the time and effort to vent some of your frustrations. I can sympathise with your problem with neighbours....

I hate my neighbours because I think the amount of cars on their lot at any given time is a double figure average. With only 25% at any time in working condition.

I hate my neighbours because they spend most of the day fixing cars which never get fixed with their bloody subwoofers pounding whilst I'm trying to sleep cause I work graveyard shift.

I hate my neighbours because they have two of those rat dogs which yap constantly all day and night at anything that moves or has the slightest scent.

I hate my neighbours, all 12 of them that live in the same Ministry of Housing home which consist of 3 generations i'm sure were all bred from the same family stock.

I hate my neighbours, all of the stupid kids whom reside there because they think my driveway is a bloody playground and by 3 years of age they call my fiance a dirty slut and fucking whore.

I hate my neighbours for that bloody backyard of theirs which consists of a huge whole in the ground which apparently will be a "pool" someday

I hate my neighbours since the entire family is on welfare, none of them fricken work, they don't pay rent, yet they have a bloody speedboat and just bought a new $8000AU engine for it, whilst I work unodly hours to try and pay for a mortgage and own one car.

I hate my neighbours, especially their bloody grandmother whom every night comes out at about midnight calling for those bloody hoard of cats to come inside screaming at the top of her lungs.

I hate my neighbours because none of them know the meaning of talking normally, only above 100db, despite the fact that the person is standing right next to them. Or ever heard of actually going inside to ask something rather than screaming out at the top of your lungs the same demand over and over until someone answers?

As you can tell.... I hate my neighbours.....

 

[John Reynolds]

gosh someone needs to get a shag....

Complete placenta previa is a b*tch. 2 weeks, 6 days, and counting.

 

[notAFanB]

I hate people who sit nearby me in the movie theatre and talk. The wife and I saw Seabiscuit (best movie of the year so far) yesterday and the two elderly womens' incessant chatter behind us really didn't add much to the experience.

I often have to suppress to the usrge to rip their throuts out on occassion. normally I just shout at them.

 

[L233]

7. When something is 'new and improved!'. Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it.

Something can be new but not improved. Passive stereo speakers spring to mind. They are often technically exactly the same as the preceding models, just with a new front slapped on them. That way they can have a new product every year but it's certainly not improved.

"New and improved" makes perfectly sense to me.

Also, I agree with "Don't Ask". Lame attempt at being funny.