What a crappy present

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by K.I.L.E.R, Dec 19, 2003.

  1. K.I.L.E.R

    K.I.L.E.R Retarded moron
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  2. Humus

    Humus Crazy coder
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  3. London-boy

    London-boy Shifty's daddy
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    HEHEHE that was fun
     
  4. K.I.L.E.R

    K.I.L.E.R Retarded moron
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    Another joke:

    Rudolf The Local Weatherman
    A long time ago, in Communist Russia, there was a famous weather man named Rudolf.

    He's always had a 100% accuracy rate for his forecasts of the Russian weather conditions. His people loved him and respected him for his faultless foresight. He was particularly good at predicting rain. One night, despite clear skies, he made the prediction on the 6:00pm news broadcast that a violent storm was approaching. It would flood the town in which he and his wife lived. He warned the people to take proper precautions and prepare for the worst.

    After he arrived home later that evening, his wife met him at the door and started arguing with him that his weather prediction was the most ridiculous thing she had ever heard. This time, she said, he had made a terrible mistake. There wasn't a cloud anywhere within 10 miles of the village. As a matter of fact, that day had been the most beautiful day that the town had ever had and it was quite obvious to everyone that it simply wasn't going to rain. He told her she was to be quiet and listen to him. If he said it was going to rain, IT WAS GOING TO RAIN. He had all of his Russian heritage behind him and he knew what he was talking about. She argued that although he came from a proud heritage, IT STILL WASN'T GOING TO RAIN. They argued back and forth for hours, so much that they went to bed mad at each other.

    During the night, sure enough one of the worst rainstorms hit the village the likes of which they had never seen. That morning when Rudolf and his wife arose, they looked out the window and saw all the water that had fallen that night.

    "See," said Rudolf, "I told you it was going to rain."

    His wife admitted: "Once again your prediction came true. But I want to know, just how were you so accurate, Rudolf?"

    To which he replied, "You see, Rudolf the Red knows rain dear!"
     
  5. London-boy

    London-boy Shifty's daddy
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    I'm sure the Rudolf joke was very funny cause your jokes always are KILER.... but.... i didn't get it... :oops: :D
     
  6. Simon F

    Simon F Tea maker
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    ?! Seriously? Does "had a very shiny nose" help?
     
  7. London-boy

    London-boy Shifty's daddy
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    :? :| .... errrrmmmm.... No... :oops:
     
  8. Clashman

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    Does Red=Communist=Soviet help?
     
  9. RussSchultz

    RussSchultz Professional Malcontent
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    Rudolph the red nosed reindeer

    Help any?
     
  10. London-boy

    London-boy Shifty's daddy
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    Well i got THAT!
    I just don't see the connection with the rain...?
    I've spoiled this haven't i.... :lol: :oops:
     
  11. K.I.L.E.R

    K.I.L.E.R Retarded moron
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    Rudolph: Rudolph(3rd person) the red(communist), knows rain(he's a weather guy), dear(wife). :)
     
  12. Clashman

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    Just to make it Crystal Clear:

    Rudolph: Rudolph(3rd person) the red(communist), knows rain(he's a weather guy), dear(wife). :)

    Rudolph: Rudolph(3rd person) the red(color)-nosed(that thing on your face) reindeer([​IMG])
     
  13. Humus

    Humus Crazy coder
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    LOL. The explanations are much funnier than the joke itself :D
     
  14. London-boy

    London-boy Shifty's daddy
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    HAHAHAHHAAHHAAHHA wow it took me 5 days to get it!!!!!!!!! :lol: :lol:
     
  15. Simon F

    Simon F Tea maker
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    Oh well, since it's lunch time.

    Patrick Whack worked in the mortgage section of small town bank when he was surprised one day when a frog hopped into his office and onto his desk. To his even greater surprise, the frog said "Hello, I'd like to arrange a mortgage to buy house near a pond".

    "I see", said the stunned Patrick, "I'll have to take some details. What is your name".

    "Kermit. Kermit Jagger", the frog replied.

    "No relation to the rock star I guess", he joked.

    "Well, actually yes. He's my dad. Well, strange things happened in the 60s".

    "Oh.... Ok, well, this is a bit unusual. I think we'll probably need extra guarantees on this loan. Have you anything of value we can use as security?"

    "Sure" says kermit, "this" and pulls out a small snow shaker.

    "Oh!? Err I think I'll have to check this with the manager. Do you mind if I show it to him?". The frog replies "by all means" and so Patrick goes next door.

    Pat explains to the manager about the frog, etc, "..and he wants to use this as collateral! I don't know what to do".

    "Are you thick?" the manager replies,
    "It's a knick-knack Paddy Whack,
    Give the frog a loan,
    His old man's a Rolling Stone".




    Sorry
     
  16. London-boy

    London-boy Shifty's daddy
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    It's ok, you're forgiven... Just don't do it again :lol:
     
  17. CorwinB

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    Once upon a time, bad King John raised a mighty army and set out to conquer the known world. After a series of successful campaigns, the remaining kings realized that their lone efforts would never prevail. They had to band together under the leadership of the best general they had - "George-the-Turk".

    George the Turk had promised that he would defeat bad King John's army and would place him on a rack - in a public display - so that no one would ever again try to conquer the world.

    While George the Turk was assembling his army and scouting out bad King John, he also ordered his engineers to design and build the largest rack here-to-fore made. The rack was then fitted with wheels and required 40 horses to pull it. When all was ready, George the Turk set out to do battle.

    Bad King John, who was camped by a river enjoying the spoils of his latest victory, had not yet gotten word of George the Turk's army. George the Turk knew that his army must attack quickly before Bad King John could prepare a defense. But, alas, the 40 horse team pulling the large rack could not keep up with the troops. George the Turk ordered more horses to be teamed, but, still they lagged. George the Turk remembered that Hannibul was not too far away in the mountains with a herd of elephants. Elephants would be better than horses for pulling the rack. So, George the Turk sent his second-in-command to Hannibul to rent enough elephants for the job. Hannibul agreed and also sent along his best elephant handler.

    This elephant handler quickly realized the importance of his unique position in George the Turk's army and insisted that he be given the title of "elephant engineer" and a huge pay raise. George the Turk agreed with the title and the pay raise.

    The rack, powered by elephants and driven by the "elephant engineer" , kept pace with the rapidly moving army.

    Late one night they arrived at the enemy camp by the river. George the Turk deployed his troops to cut off any avenue of escape and issued the order to attack at dawn - on his command. He also ordered the rack to be positioned on the highest hill overlooking bad King John's camp. This site was the perfect spot to publically display bad King John - to show the world what happens to anyone who dares to try to conquer the world.

    With dawn approaching George the Turk goes to the top of the hill beside the rack so that everyone can see his command to attack: when his sword drops ---ATTACK !!!!!

    All is quiet. The enemy camp is asleep. Every man is waiting for the signal. The first ray of sunlight strikes the helmet of George the Turk. He draws his sword slowly and holds it over his head. The sunlight gleams off the blade --- and scares the elephants that are hitched to the rack. They start trumpeting and rearing and the elephant engineer can't control then. He drops the reins and clings onto the rack for dear life. The rack breaks loose from the team and starts rolling down the hill -- straight for the enemy camp.

    All this noise wakes bad King John. He orders an aide to go outside the tent to see what is the cause. The aide takes a hard look, comes back into the tent, and reports:

    "As near as I can tell --
    it's a rambling rack from George the Turk with an elephant engineer" !!!
     
  18. RussSchultz

    RussSchultz Professional Malcontent
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    I'll now play the role of London-Boy
     
  19. London-boy

    London-boy Shifty's daddy
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    OH THANK THE LORD! I thought i would look pathetic for not understanding 2 jokes one after the other!!

    Cause i didn't get this one... :|
     
  20. CorwinB

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