Citizencon 2052: Home economics gameplay loop enabled, with the new Starching and Ironing module excitingly find the balance between 7 variables to perfectly press & seam your space shirts & collars.
If you use too much steam your iron may explode and set your ship on fire.
Move the iron too slow
Too little heat and your clothes will be creased: you'll be unable to enter the hoity-toity parts of stations and you'll have no success with the ladies in the long promised boom--shakalaka module
Sorry, boom-shakalaka pushed back to at least 2110 to incorporate this new feature but pledge now $10,000 per inch while stock is available to secure your adequacy!
Citizencon 2348: Indentured slave gameplay loop enabled, when captured by a boarding party you will be required to serve at least 5 years of realtime gameplay as an indentured slave literally shovelling excruciatingly detailed nested, containerised, streaming, steaming heaps of
by manual mouse movement.
Lead a slave uprising! Convince your friends to yell 'I'm Spartacus' shortly before you are all crucified by your master, fun!
I'm sure they are & definitely not rushing to make sure the
Pergals generic non-copyrighted-space-whales are in the definitely-not-highly-scripted-'gameplay'-video in time for
Ashoka Citizencon hype.
Ugh man, I ranted again. I wanted to stop coming here periodically & just saying negative stuff
I was on the website within a few hours of the first announcement, back when it was just a countdown timer because I was excited about a new Chris Roberts space game in a time when space-sim stuff was considered a totally dead genre.
Some of this stuff is genuinely pretty amazing & exciting, I periodically come in here watch some videos then go to the website with a plan to buy a cheap ship so I can check it out but then I recoil at the horror & bullshit monetisation and remember why I never did before