What age is it best to get married?
- Thread starter K.I.L.E.R
- Start date
Jon Brittan
Newcomer
"When it feels right" is the only correct answer.
I'm 24, got married 3 months ago and was 23 at the time. I've been with my wife for 8 years now and we've been happy pretty much every day of that time.
I don't think there is such a thing as a "best age" to get married, better to get married when you are with someone you love and it feels like the right thing to do, no matter what your age.
I'm 24, got married 3 months ago and was 23 at the time. I've been with my wife for 8 years now and we've been happy pretty much every day of that time.
I don't think there is such a thing as a "best age" to get married, better to get married when you are with someone you love and it feels like the right thing to do, no matter what your age.
K.I.L.E.R said:
Marriages last as long as they last. Good luck on your wishes and hopes. Statistically you'll be very much in the minority if you manage to achieve them.
Personally I've chosen not to get married, because it's never been clear to me what benefit marriage conveys over a long-term non-marriage relationship. Certainly not stability.
I think I heard or read some time that the chance of a marriage to keep together is 10 times larger if you marry each other after the age of 25 than if you marry before 18. It's typically not that good to marry too young since you are still developing your personality a good bit over 20. The one you marry at 18 may not really be the same guy or gal that you will have to live with after 22.
Way to many also marry under false impression that they have developed real love just because it bubbles in their body. A decent test to see if you're ready to get married is to write down a list of 25 bad things about your partner. If you can't, you're likely not ready.
Way to many also marry under false impression that they have developed real love just because it bubbles in their body. A decent test to see if you're ready to get married is to write down a list of 25 bad things about your partner. If you can't, you're likely not ready.
In general terms, the time to get married is mid 20s, and then kids late 20s, early 30s. However, many have ignored the "norm" and succeeded regardless. Your mileage will vary.
However, never, EVER, have a single joint account between the both of you, with all your money lumped in there. Aside from adultery, money is the prime cause of marriages falling apart. Keep separate accounts for luxuries, with a central, joint account for bills and holidays. That way, you both contribute to the essentials, but you don't get an earful when you go out and spend loads on a sweet AV system. It's your account, it's your money.
So long as you extend her the same courtesy of being able to go out and spend her money as she sees fit, there won't be a problem. If she argues, stamp your foot down - There can be absolutely no leeway on this.
However, never, EVER, have a single joint account between the both of you, with all your money lumped in there. Aside from adultery, money is the prime cause of marriages falling apart. Keep separate accounts for luxuries, with a central, joint account for bills and holidays. That way, you both contribute to the essentials, but you don't get an earful when you go out and spend loads on a sweet AV system. It's your account, it's your money.
So long as you extend her the same courtesy of being able to go out and spend her money as she sees fit, there won't be a problem. If she argues, stamp your foot down - There can be absolutely no leeway on this.
Silent_One
Newcomer
PaulS wrote:
What happens if she doesn't work? Or who contributes more to the "central, joint account for bills and holidays" if one makes more than the other, or one doesn't make enough to cover 50% of joint costs and bills (leaving nothing for themselves)?
Never, EVER have a single joint account...? My goodness, trusting of each other ,eh?
What happens if she doesn't work? Or who contributes more to the "central, joint account for bills and holidays" if one makes more than the other, or one doesn't make enough to cover 50% of joint costs and bills (leaving nothing for themselves)?
Never, EVER have a single joint account...? My goodness, trusting of each other ,eh?
If one doesn't work due to family committments or disability, then you would have to make allowances. Not working through laziness is their problem, however, and not yours.
If they earn different amounts, then you just have to dig the calculator out and work out percentages, so that you're still paying the same percentage of your salary, but not the same amount of money.
Also, not having a single joint account isn't about trust, it's about cutting out (or at least massively reducing) the biggest cause of arguments between couples: "Why are you spending my hard earned money on this junk? Blah blah blah". If you want something, you use your own money. Simple.
If they earn different amounts, then you just have to dig the calculator out and work out percentages, so that you're still paying the same percentage of your salary, but not the same amount of money.
Also, not having a single joint account isn't about trust, it's about cutting out (or at least massively reducing) the biggest cause of arguments between couples: "Why are you spending my hard earned money on this junk? Blah blah blah". If you want something, you use your own money. Simple.
Silent_One
Newcomer
But it is your problem, your married.
Sure it's about trust. You have to be able to trust you partner not to spend money foolishly. Its about prioritizing your financial
responsibilities together. If you can not do that then yes, you have a problem, and maybe, yes, you need seperate accounts. But seperate accounts, IMHO, means I can't trust my partner to not spend our "hard earned money on junk".
Joe DeFuria
Legend
Silent_One said:
I agree with Slient_One on this. Here's how my wife and I do our finances. Keep in mind that we both work, but we don't make the same amount. But I would do the same if only one of us was working. The principal is: I don't make money, and my spouse doesn't make money. We both make money, and everything we make goes into a big pot, because it's ours.
1) We have a budget that allocates $X every month for paying bills, putting in the kids college fund, buying groceries, etc.
2) We each get allocated a budgeted amount for "personal, daily requirements." This relates mostly for getting through the work day: buying lunch, dry cleaning, hair appointments, etc. My wife gets more because she is higher maintenance.
3) We have 4 "Mad Money" accounts, each with a monthly allocation.
a) Kids Mad: $X of money per month to spend on the kids. This includes clotes, toys, day-trips, etc. We both have "access" to this money and can spend it as we wish.
b) Joint Mad: $X per month to spend on each other. Things like going on dates...movies, dinner out, etc.
c) Individial Mad: We each get the same $X per month to spend how ever we see fit. My wife prefers to buy more clothes and shoes on a regular basis. I prefer to save money for single larger purchases. We don't have access to each other's mad, but we each get the same amount per month.
The one thing that we do that is more of a "personal" incentive, is that if either of us gets a pay raise, we each get to "keep" one month's worth of the net pay increase as a reward. And we each get to keep 20% of any bonus we might get as a reward for earning it. The rest goes into the "big pot", or worked into the overall budget.
Works very well. But it does require discipline, and a willingness to actually track and account for expenditures every month.
30 minimum, in your 20's you think you've got it figured out but you dont if you make it to 30 you dont have such romantic and unrealistic views of people, life and therefore marriage. Trust me that love dovey stuff wears off within a few years, also if you get married before you go through long periods of struggle it wont work.
zidane1strife
Banned
Errr, it depends.... for example, for some... I'd say 12-13yrs would be appropriate... It's all relative.
Silent_One
Newcomer
I got married when I was 32, my wife 30. Any benefit? Yes, for me, I was more mature, had a stable job, and was "ready" to settle down. While I can't speak for others specifically, in general the longer you wait the better your chances to a long lasting marriage.
Humus said:
Just wanted to confirm Humus' comment, as it is the only statistical (as opposed to anecdotal, which is important too) comment here. I've seen the same figures, and while I can't confirm the numbers, they are very dramatic. Contrary to popular belief, most marriages above the age of 24 or 25 do work (although certainly not all). The overall average is dragged down (to about 50%) by the tremendous failure rate of marriages made in one's teens or early twenties.
Natoma said:My bf and I committed to one another (rings and everything hehe) when I was 23 and he was 19. We've been together, 3 years soon, on November 28th. Not married yet though.
Natoma....you are female..
!BTW, I agree with KILER "If I marry I want it to be forever. Or at least until I die."
I consider marriage a sacred relationship and I would really like it to last FOREVER...
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