Well. Well well well. Thought I'd try 30 minutes. Set about choosing server more wisely this time. Firstly I selected to filter only games of bottom rank - that did nothing. Filtered by my rank - that did nothing. Filtered by Sergeant, a rank I know some servers use - that did nothing! Every server is shown. Seems you can't filter out servers by rank.
So I find me a server rank capped to Sergeant, the minimum available (servers in my area, which I guess is EU). Pick a six-a-side TDM game on the full island map - ought not to be too overwhelming. Within 5 minutes of me starting, the reds, my team, were entirely pinned in their base. There was a sniper on the hill overlooking the base so on one occasion I'm dead before I even know I've started. I find me a sniper tower and take out a couple of hillside scallywags - apparently having them in the middle of your crosshair isn't the way to hit them, and you need to shoot pretty much on the top of their character. Don't want to do nothing but snipe that chump though. I also notice he's bouncing down towers and back up again. Looks like he's getting binoculars? Read about them, and saw the green laser beam. The two flyers are working well in cahoots, so you couldn't move in a plane. Still I didn't want to be doing nothing but snipering for 20 minutes. One time I snuck up to that base with my knife equipped all sneaky sneaky. Didn't stop them spotting me and fighting two on one though... Anyway, I took my chance when the planes were out of commission and grabbed a plane, flew it low and fast over the water to a far corner blue base, got out to capture it, and BOOM I'm dead, from a guy on the complete other side of the hill. So they had the entire island pinned down. And worse still, thinks me, I've had big missile launchers before and launched silo after silo into enemy ground and got no kills at all, so how'd this guy get me from 6 miles away?
So I give up on that idea. I need something simpler. Easier. Okay, I can't select a lower rank than Sergeant, but a 2 player game? That'll make me player three. Two on my side, one on the other. That'll give me a fighting chance.
Red versus blue, I'm on the Red Team, and my teammate's winning about 15-0. So I switched team. Fly around a bit. Can't even find the guy to shoot. If he's happy to sit still, he'll never show on the radar, I'll never find him. Mmmm, that's fun. Game runs out after 2 minutes. Start again, grab a plane, secure a zone. No resistance, obviously. Find a bloke, try to straffe him, can't aim for toffee. Can't straffe the tank because the tree's in the way and then DEAD! He wasn't in the tree anyway, but had moved away (which the radar doesn't show) and missiled me, I think. And then it turns out that the blue guy jumped team and now it was two against one, Mr. Flyboy and his mate in a missile turret! I spend my entire fly time trying to shake off missiles, which you can only keep up for so long.
So...um...I quit. I'm clearly missing something here. Either you die within two seconds of moving, or you play sneaky-sneaky and never see anyone. I can't fathom at all how these weapons are supposed to work. The electric bomb thing, I hold the button to charge up and it doesn't do anything. Do I need a lock on a target? If so, I never stay alive long enough to charge it. Bah!