Hilarious joke

[Mariner]

Surely if the baby was dead, it wouldn't be squirming?

'Dead Baby' jokes are just tedious, I'm afraid. Not funny.

What I find interesting is the fact that within hours of a celebrity coming to a sticky end or a disaster of some sort, you hear amusing jokes in circulation about the incident.

Who comes up with these jokes, I wonder?

 

[RussSchultz]

John:

What do you call 2 gay astronauts? Into orbit, out of orbit.

Uh, I don't get it.

 

[rabidrabbit]

Neither did I :?
And I'm gay after all.
Must be the language barrier blocking my understanding again.

 

[K.I.L.E.R]

Bah! My physics teacher told me that joke.

Think people. What constantly goes into orbit and comes out of orbit?

What language barrier?

 

[RussSchultz]

Think people. What constantly goes into orbit and comes out of orbit?

missiles? spaceships?

You're going to have to spell it out for me.

 

[rabidrabbit]

hmmm... a space shuttle or rocket goes into orbit and out of orbit.
still don't get it :?

This must be the absolute worst joke I've heard a looong time. It is not unusual that I 'get' jokes a little late, but this has taken almost a day already. Maybe I should try this at some party.

Language barrier = I'm not natively english speaking.

 

[K.I.L.E.R]

Think people. What constantly goes into orbit and comes out of orbit?

missiles? spaceships?

You're going to have to spell it out for me.

What part of your body looks like a rocket/spaceship?

 

[rabidrabbit]

My pinkie?

 

[John Reynolds]

Mine looks like the whale ship from Star Trek 4.

 

[rabidrabbit]

Mine looks like the whale ship from Star Trek 4.

You got big hands!

 

[RussSchultz]

Uh, a penis. But that still doesn't help the joke make any sense.

 

[K.I.L.E.R]

Mine looks like the whale ship from Star Trek 4.

Okay for you guys:

Ass = planets
Penis = spaceshuttle

Penis goes into rear end = ship going into orbit
Penis exiting rear end = ship exiting orbit

I thought I never had to give an explanation on this.

 

[bloodbob]

Okay I'll put that joke up mods feel free to delete straight away

WARNING DANGER WILL ROBINSON, HOMOSEXUAL JOKE AHEAD

Highlight the quote to read.

A little girl was playing in the garden when she spotted two spiders mating.
"Daddy what are those two spiders doing?" she asked.
"they're mating," her father replied.
"What do you call the spider on top, Daddy?" she asked.
"That's a daddy-longlegs." her father answered.
"So, the other one is mummy-longlegs?" the little girl asked.
"No," her father replied, "both of them are daddy-longlegs."
The little girl thought for moment, then took her foot and stamped them flat as a track and said "Well, we're not having that sort of poofter shit in our garden, are we, Daddy!?!?!"

 

[K.I.L.E.R]

Male joke:

Males are so stupid that it takes 20 million of their sperm to pregnate 1 egg.

 

[Joe DeFuria]

I thought I never had to give an explanation on this.

I never thought I'd hear a joke that was so poor, even the explanation just doens't make sense.

 

[Mariner]

I like play-on-words jokes. Here's a couple (of oldies):

Did you hear about the two gay Irishmen?
William Fitzpatrick and Patrick Fitzwilliam

Did you hear about the two gay Scotsmen?
Ben Doon and Phillip McCavity
(this one needs to be 'read' in a Scottish accent!)

 

[nelg]

What’s the difference between a Scotsman and a Coconut ?
You can get a drink out of a Coconut.

 

[RussSchultz]

Why do sorority girls have sore belly buttons?

Frat boys aren't too smart, either.

 

[Joe DeFuria]

This one isn't "offensive", but it's a classic:

Two guys are sitting at a bar on the top floor of a sky scraper, after a few drinks, they strike up a conversation....

Guy #1: "You know, there's a unique and powerful air current on the north side of this building. You can jump out the window, and you'll never hit the ground. The current will pick you back up and...."

Guy #2: "Bullshit. What do you take me for?"

Guy #1: "Tell you what, you buy the next round of drinks if I can prove it."

Guy #2: "You're on!"

So, Guy #1 opens the window, and steps out! Before he hits the bottom, he slows down, and starts being pushed back to the top of the building. The air current blows the guy right back into the bar.

Guy #2: "Wow! That was amazing! But I'm out of cash and can't buy you a drink.

Guy #1: "I'll tell you what....no hard feelings. I'll buy YOU drinks for the rest of the night if you take the ride."

Guy #2: "Sure!"

So....Guy #2 steps out the window and......*SPLAT!!!*

The bartender leans over to the waitress and whispers..."*Sigh* Superman really is a rotten drunk!"

 

[nelg]

On the Superman theme......


One day Superman was flying over Metropolis when he saw Wonderwoman sunning herself nude on top of the League of Justice. He thought to himself ,â€￾ I am really horny. I could just fly down there and bang Wonderwoman real fast and fly away. She would never see that it was me.â€￾. Acting on his urges thats exactly what he did. Zoom, Boom, Boom, Boom and off he went. Quickly after that Wonderwoman jumped up and said "what was that?" And then the voice of The Invisible Man said ,â€￾I don’t know but my asshole sure is killing meâ€￾!