Is unrequited love really that bad?

[alexsok]

I recently learned to distinguish between "desire" and "love" and I came to unsettling conclusion (at least for myself)... Desire has always been much more conspicuous and affective in my life... I think the highest degree of desire, that which brings you the greatest amount of happiness is, paradoxically, unrequited love.

During the period I've had this sort of crush on someone, it was much more virile and much more powerful sensation than any fulfilled love or desire sensations I've ever had. When a desire is thwarted (when it realized), it is no longer satisfying. Thus, for some people (like me), untapped desires are the highest degree of mental gratification (which reminds me something someone once said in another thread, that unrequited love could very well be a very positive experience indeed, when you overcome the initial shock reaction of non-reciprocity).

I think that so many people misinterpret this wonderful nerve-titillating sensation of "unquenched desire" and so, sometimes commit suicide, when in fact, they should remain alive and experience it more often.

What do you guys think? Has anyone had a similar feeling?

 

[3dilettante]

Physiologically, something as stressful as unrequited love would probably be considered a health negative over the long term.

Settling for some kind of dissonance between desire and fulfillment gives someone much of the burden of emotional pain and feelings of isolation, while passing up on the antidote for such stress that emotional closeness and social connections provide.

Once the novelty of unrequited love--as opposed to frustrated infatuation--wears off, there's not much going for it. There is not much of a conflict to win, and there is little honor to be gained in pining for what will never be.

It's just sad.

(This is of course absent of some kind of unhealthy aspect to having that love fulfilled, such as a love of a porcupine or a carrier of typhoid fever.)

 

[alexsok]

There is not much of a conflict to win, and there is little honor to be gained in pining for what will never be.

Well you know, it's just like the belief in an afterlife. Once the initial feeling of "guaranteed ticket to the other side" wears off, there is little honor to be gained in pining for what will never be. Or you know what, even if unrequited love indeed is fulfilled (if the other person loves you back), there is little point in holding on to that, since that person would still be forever lost to you at some point in your life.

But people still do it and many people remain happy precisely because of that! I think that all emotions should be embraced, regardless of how fleeting, insignificant or completely unrealistic they might seem at first/second glances.

 

[nutball]

Unrequited love has all of the negatives and none of the positives. It's a teens and tweens thing anyway (teens and tweens love that sort of angst stuff), there's no such thing as unrequited love once you're past thirty.

Get it, or get over it. Don't try to rationalise something which sucks in to being something which doesn't suck. It sucks. Move on.

 

[alexsok]

as unrequited love once you're past thirty.

So what happens when you're over thirty?

 

[Ty]

The chase is sometimes more fun than the catch...

 

[alexsok]

The chase is sometimes more fun than the catch...

That's partly what I meant. When you have a stimuli (i.e. a girl/boy you would like to have), you have all the excitement and the gut-wrenching sensations and what not but when you get what you want, it turns out that you no longer want it!!!

 

[_xxx_]

So what happens when you're over thirty?

You stop doing many stupid things you did before. You realize the fruitlessness of such feelings and slap yourself in the face when you catch yourself thinking like a teen.

 

[vazel]

Does this also count with celebrities you've never seen in person? *looks over at wall plastered with Keira Knightley posters*

 

[_xxx_]

Does this also count with celebrities you've never seen in person? *looks over at wall plastered with Keira Knightley posters*

Yes.

 

[dskneo]

I recently learned to distinguish between "desire" and "love" and I came to unsettling conclusion (at least for myself)... Desire has always been much more conspicuous and affective in my life... I think the highest degree of desire, that which brings you the greatest amount of happiness is, paradoxically, unrequited love.

During the period I've had this sort of crush on someone, it was much more virile and much more powerful sensation than any fulfilled love or desire sensations I've ever had. When a desire is thwarted (when it realized), it is no longer satisfying. Thus, for some people (like me), untapped desires are the highest degree of mental gratification (which reminds me something someone once said in another thread, that unrequited love could very well be a very positive experience indeed, when you overcome the initial shock reaction of non-reciprocity).

I think that so many people misinterpret this wonderful nerve-titillating sensation of "unquenched desire" and so, sometimes commit suicide, when in fact, they should remain alive and experience it more often.

What do you guys think? Has anyone had a similar feeling?

all my life. Never had a real girlfriend because of that. I seem to like the pre-dating/relation way better. To the point of never having a relationship at all loll...

i like the feeling "i'm buying a psp in a few hours, hurray"..... but once i got it, you know, its no replacement for the pre-having feeling, but with girls.

 

[Rolf N]

What do you guys think? Has anyone had a similar feeling?

No. You're just escaping.
What you're apparently overlooking, in a very convenient way, is that a partner isn't some piece of furniture you acquire and place somewhere in your home. If you treat humans that way they'll leave you.

 

[weaksauce]

No. You're just escaping.
What you're apparently overlooking, in a very convenient way, is that a partner isn't some piece of furniture you acquire and place somewhere in your home. If you treat humans that way they'll leave you.

People generally need to express their thoughts to someone and that's where a partner may come "in handy". Though, I have internet for that. :smile:

That's kind of my motto, "I have internet".

"How do you know that?"
- I have internet.
"Where did you get that?"
- I have internet.
"Are you ever getting a girlfriend?"
- No, I have internet.

It's the iGeneration bitchiz.

 

[vazel]

People generally need to express their thoughts to someone and that's where a partner may come "in handy". Though, I have internet for that. :smile:

Yea but then you're just an attention whore. Better to chat with someone that actually cares and not strangers that only read what you write because they have nothing better to do.

 

[weaksauce]

Yea but then you're just an attention whore. Better to chat with someone that actually cares and not strangers that only read what you write because they have nothing better to do.

Guess it depends on what you are thinking. But if you are looking for a response and want a discussion, a forum is almost better, in the way that you get more thought out responses and views from different people. I'm not saying you should take it over the internet, but that it lessens the need for a partner.

 

[Graham]

Yea but then you're just an attention whore. Better to chat with someone that actually cares and not strangers that only read what you write because they have nothing better to do.

If you are suggesting that a life partner is more responsive to your own personal issues, then yes, no doubt. However if you are suggesting those who browse forums do so only because they 'have nothing better to do', then I feel you are mistaken.

Forums serve two purposes, for a virtual pat on the back and reinforcement of opinion, and for those curious of differing opinion. Both of which are pretty basic desires.

See! My opinion differs, and I hope by reading it you become a more enlightened person. I don't care if you dismiss it as my usual random yabbering - however you have read it now, and thus it infects you.


As for the original posters point, my experience is that the desire described (ie lust) is often for things that are shiny, but otherwise you logically know are not appropriate. The opposite would be anticipation, where you know it's the right thing to do, and know it will be good.
You anticipate buying that new game that reviewed really well, you lust after that shiny (but otherwise useless) gadget.
With 'unrequited love', the excietment is imagining what you logically know isn't going to happen. Which is always going to end up in dissapointment. Well at least for me...

 

[nelg]

But people still do it and many people remain happy precisely because of that! I think that all emotions should be embraced, regardless of how fleeting, insignificant or completely unrealistic they might seem at first/second glances.

Some say the same thing about crack.

 

[3dilettante]

Well you know, it's just like the belief in an afterlife. Once the initial feeling of "guaranteed ticket to the other side" wears off, there is little honor to be gained in pining for what will never be. Or you know what, even if unrequited love indeed is fulfilled (if the other person loves you back), there is little point in holding on to that, since that person would still be forever lost to you at some point in your life.

But people still do it and many people remain happy precisely because of that! I think that all emotions should be embraced, regardless of how fleeting, insignificant or completely unrealistic they might seem at first/second glances.

Your description of "embracing" unrequited love sounds a lot like wallowing.
Unrequited love isn't an emotion, it is a state of affairs. Love is an emotion that is in it, but it isn't unrequited unless the negative state exists.
The negative feelings that arise are signs that we aren't supposed to embrace the situation that causes this stress.

To go back to the porcupine example, the stabbing feeling someone might get from hugging a porcupine is a sign that one should not hug a porcupine.

To embrace unrequited love is to embrace not being embraced. We can accept that it exists, but to embrace it means to keep things as they are. That defeats the point of feeling anything, our feelings tell us to either head towards something or away from it.

 

[zidane1strife]

I recently learned to distinguish between "desire" and "love" and I came to unsettling conclusion (at least for myself)... Desire has always been much more conspicuous and affective in my life... I think the highest degree of desire, that which brings you the greatest amount of happiness is, paradoxically, unrequited love.

During the period I've had this sort of crush on someone, it was much more virile and much more powerful sensation than any fulfilled love or desire sensations I've ever had. When a desire is thwarted (when it realized), it is no longer satisfying. Thus, for some people (like me), untapped desires are the highest degree of mental gratification (which reminds me something someone once said in another thread, that unrequited love could very well be a very positive experience indeed, when you overcome the initial shock reaction of non-reciprocity).

I think that so many people misinterpret this wonderful nerve-titillating sensation of "unquenched desire" and so, sometimes commit suicide, when in fact, they should remain alive and experience it more often.

What do you guys think? Has anyone had a similar feeling?

Well, I've a similar feeling with my computer. I just hope it somehow understand why I'm building a body based on molecular machinery cellular hybrid(yes, such even with the latest tech will take me about 5-10 yrs of passionate work.) and full blown control down to the smallest part of the design.

I've already solved parts of the problem, I just hope nanotech researchers help me out, this ain't easy trillions upon trillions of moving parts almost like building a human being from scratch.

As for human relationships, I study the mind so that one day my knowledge of its workings is so absolute, that I know that I'm manipulating a girl down to the very essence to the very core of her being, while she's doing the same to me.

It's a development of my desire for dolls of flesh and blood. If I'm but a puppet and she's but a puppet pulling each others strings allows us to pretty much do anything and get away with anything, every desire accepted every fantasy accepted, as one flesh but in reality sharing two bodies.

Such intimate union, when I can pretty much make her feel like she wants to kill and eat her family alive for a moment or she allows me to feel the same, backstabbing even my best of friends... It somehow, such intimacy such unity of thought of flesh, while eating while driving while doing anything at all, even being with other lovers, drives me nuts.

Finally the solution to my problems, I'd seen how a relationship of indefinite love was bound to collapse in and of itself leading to serial monogamy. I've finally found a way around that, a way to cheat a relationship's death itself. Imagine that when you can pull strings so elegantly that one moment you both hate each other, but at the next you're madly in love. One small mistake and you could end up killed by your love, one small mistake and she might let you allow her to commit suicide and you'd have to use the latest medical technology to bring her back against her will. Purity of hatred, purity of love, pure feelings. Ahhh, I'm so glad I test my advanced psychological manipulations time and again while perfecting my art

As an artist, long have I dreamed of making living masterpieces which I could love for all my days. Galatea, now technology is getting to the point were even I can have my dreams made into reality.

PS

As for me with my ever growing knowledge of art, particularly photo-real cg art, cloning(I won't do it till there's a safe and effective, side-effect free way to do it.), and as mentioned molecular machinery. I will eventually be able to have girls with whatever looks I desire, and however many I desire.

In fact I'm planning on using advanced tissue engineering outside the field of medicine, in my own line of restaurants . Imagine that, we can finally have human flesh without the guilt of killing someone.(btw, even if I don't do this someone else will even if made illegal the rich and famous will always be viable customers through the black market, you'll only make people like me richer by prohibiting such. )

 

[zidane1strife]

No. You're just escaping.
What you're apparently overlooking, in a very convenient way, is that a partner isn't some piece of furniture you acquire and place somewhere in your home. If you treat humans that way they'll leave you.

Not when you have skills like mine, I a piece of furniture you a piece of furniture... puppets in my wonderful house of dolls. Irregardless, I'll eventually be able to clone and genetically engineer or use molecular machinery to build such individuals in addition to the real humans I convince to join my harem.

I found a way to make indestructible relationships not subject to the decay of normal relationships, bonds that can never be broken. Now it's my time to use this, a single girl is too easy to please, but a harem the conflicts that can arise with an ever growing harem, oh my that is intellectually stimulating. All hell can break loose at the smallest and most insignificant of actions. Mediating lesbian love, oh boy, I've finally found a way to break the balance, non zero sum relationships, fully functional polyamory excluding all non hot guys and babes .