where does one go to "get tested"

[Sage]

Well, someone had to say something about the whole thing and play the part of the one who tells him to be careful cause we live in a bad bad world, and i was as pleasant about it as i could be. If he took it the wrong way, then maybe he'll be more careful in the future and i accomplished my mission.

You didn't have to be an asshole. Obviously, I was aware of how dangerous my past was before you came around and lectured me on something I can't change. Otherwise, we wouldn't be having this conversation and I'd be about to do the same thing I've done in the past. I know my past has been irresponcible and stupid but theres nothing I can fucking do about it now so why be an asshole and shove it in my face. Do you think that everytime I think about her in a sexual way I DONT think about my past and regret the things I've done, wondering if perhaps I'll not be able to love her wholly because I pose a medical threat to her? Did you perhaps stop and think that maybe this is a huge issue weighing on my heart, and that I don't need someone else to come tell me what an idiot I have been? Don't you think that this is hard enough for me to accept as it it, without your criticism?

The only thing that you accomplished was to make me feel worse about myself. Thanks.

The only thing I can do now is pray to G-d that he may keep me clean so that I can have a lasting, loving relationship with a wonderful woman without it being marred by a dangerous STD.

Sorry I lashed out at you. I thought you were intentionally being a dick and that's why I did it. I hope you can see your words from my perspective and forgive me.

 

[Geo]

Who came first, the drama or the queen?

I'm not sure, but the queen is breathing hard.

 

[digitalwanderer]

So Sage, I guess a group chorus of "WE TOLD YOU SO!!" would probably be inappropriate right now?

 

[London Geezer]

You didn't have to be an asshole.

Sorry I lashed out at you. I thought you were intentionally being a dick and that's why I did it. I hope you can see your words from my perspective and forgive me.

Well i obviously didn't know about your "issues" when i posted that, and even then, my post was never rude. It was a matter-of-fact post, where i never called you names or ever been disrespectful to you, like you have been and still are to me.
I posted what the risks are, THEN you told me about your "past". And even when you accept that i wasn't doing it to "get to you", you still call me an asshole and a dick! Are you trying to get me horny?!

 

[Sage]

Well i obviously didn't know about your "issues" when i posted that, and even then, my post was never rude. It was a matter-of-fact post, where i never called you names or ever been disrespectful to you, like you have been and still are to me.
I posted what the risks are, THEN you told me about your "past". And even when you accept that i wasn't doing it to "get to you", you still call me an asshole and a dick! Are you trying to get me horny?!

It certainly didn't sound very polite to me. You felt the need to shove in my face something that I already knew, pointing out my past mistakes which I was obviously already aware of. Your post served no purpose other than to make me feel bad about myself. I would call that rude.

 

[John Reynolds]

It certainly didn't sound very polite to me. You felt the need to shove in my face something that I already knew, pointing out my past mistakes which I was obviously already aware of. Your post served no purpose other than to make me feel bad about myself. I would call that rude.

How *you* choose to react to a little helpful piece of advice is your issue, not the giver's.

 

[Bouncing Zabaglione Bros.]

It certainly didn't sound very polite to me. You felt the need to shove in my face something that I already knew, pointing out my past mistakes which I was obviously already aware of. Your post served no purpose other than to make me feel bad about myself. I would call that rude.

Well, that sort of thing happens when you post about your personal life in a public place. You've got every reason of your own making to feel bad, so it's not L-B fault when he points out the position you put yourself into. It's not like you didn't expect someone to react to your posting in this way when you made this thread. L-B didn't "make you feel bad", your own guilt and regrets did that.

It's also worth noting that as this is a public forum, there's also the likelihood that L-B was posting for the benefit of the general readership - a sort of "public information posting" if you like.

If you continue to blame other people for the way you feel and act, rather than take responsibility for what you say and do... well then you've not grown up as much as you think you have.

 

[Sxotty]

I actually somewhat agree with Sage on this.

L-B is in the good as well though for there is no way he could know what Sage was thinking.

But there are few things more annoying than people continuously telling you how you screwed up in the past

 

[London Geezer]

Thank you guys!

My post was a post a gay guy who has too many of friends with HIV would write. Simply because i know too much about this as i've seen it happening too often.

It was a "be more careful and responsible" post, without knowing that you had psychological reasons why you had unprotected sex (and i won't get into a discussion where i say what i think about that).

If you, Sage, took it the wrong way, then it's all in your head. You chose to reply to me by calling me names.

If i had written "what the fuck are you doing, are you stupid!!", then i would understand. My post was the same advice you WILL get when you go to the clinic (if you say all you said here when you do the questionnaire, which you should). Are you going to attack the staff there too, telling them "I KNOW ASSHOLE, BUT I HAVE ISSUES!"?

Come on, get a grip. This is a public forum and my post was absolutely acceptable.

 

[digitalwanderer]

This is a public forum and my post was absolutely acceptable.

Not to mention on topic and informative, I honestly thought you were just trying to be helpful.

 

[London Geezer]

Not to mention on topic and informative, I honestly thought you were just trying to be helpful.

I was, as one of the very very few gay guys in the forum (and definitely the most... sexually liberated...) i kinda feel responsible as gay guys just tend to know a lot more about these things, for obvious reasons, main one being we're all huge whores... And i know a lot about this.

Even thinking that some kid believes that i would use this topic to "be an asshole and rub it in" to him just makes my blood boil.

To be honest, i've had enough of trying to explain myself to someone who obviously has too many gremlins in his head to see the good in people.

 

[Sage]

How *you* choose to react to a little helpful piece of advice is your issue, not the giver's.

Helpful advice? The way I reacted to his post was because it was NOT helpful advice. The ONLY thing his post did was to chastise me for mistakes that I can't change and obviously don't need to be lectured on at this point or I wouldn't be asking this question in the first place.

Let's say a druggie realized that he had a problem and asked how to get into rehab so that he can get clean. Are you going to lecture him on how stupid he is for using drugs and how bad they are for him? Or are you going to give him encouragement for taking responsibility to admit he has a problem and seek help?

 

[Sage]

Well, you're right, you did START on a helpful footing...


but then

you're a very, very irresponsible man (...)you should be responsible enough to know that when you don't know what your status is, you just do not have unprotected sex (...) Think about it next time. (...) i'm amazed that in 2006 there are still people like you who "take risks" but really, take risks with their and other people's lives, just for an hour or so of fun.

Oh yes, obviously very informative. I certainly needed to be informed of how irreposncible and stupid I am because, as we all know, I'm not at all concerned about STD and have no intention of getting tested before I go out and have unprotected sex with a dozen more people

 

[London Geezer]

Whatever Sage.

If i didn't know any better, i'd think that you were just waiting for the inevitable comment from someone on the merits of you having unprotected sex (without knowing about your "issues", which you disclosed AFTER that post) just so you could turn this thread into yet another one of your "everybody hates me/look at how troubled i am!" drama-queen threads we SO didn't miss while you were away.

Newsflash, we are all troubled. Only you choose to come in here and try to make everybody's day black so that you can feel better with yourself.

So much for trying to help.

End of discussion.

 

[Sage]

You seriously need to get a grip on reality. If i didn't know any better, i'd think you were actually waiting for someone to comment on the merits of you having unprotected sex, so that you could then turn this thread into yet another one of your "everybody hates me" drama-queen threads that we SO didn't miss when you were away.

End of discussion.

I actually didn't expect anyone to be a jerk about it. I EXPECTED that people would be glad to see me finally mature enough take responsibility. Yes, I knew there'd be a few good-humored jokes because what would a "Sage's Personal Life" thread be without them? I really felt that the thread was going quite well until that last paragraph of your first post.

Unless you just wanted to be mean, I really don't see why you felt you needed to inform me of how stupid I have been when I obviously already recognized that and have changed my behavior accordingly. That's why I got upset- I came here trying to do the responsible thing and you used it as an opportunity to be mean.

 

[Bouncing Zabaglione Bros.]

Helpful advice? The way I reacted to his post was because it was NOT helpful advice. The ONLY thing his post did was to chastise me for mistakes that I can't change and obviously don't need to be lectured on at this point or I wouldn't be asking this question in the first place.

Let's say a druggie realized that he had a problem and asked how to get into rehab so that he can get clean. Are you going to lecture him on how stupid he is for using drugs and how bad they are for him? Or are you going to give him encouragement for taking responsibility to admit he has a problem and seek help?

It says a lot about you that's how you read LB's post, when it was all about good advice and "think about it next time". Obviously you're going to make the same mistakes again if you can't look at your past and see what YOU did wrong. You're going to make the same mistakes again if you can't look at you're current situation, apply what you know happened in the past, and then use your imagination to see where you are going in the near future. It's a problem that many people seem to have.

It's all very well you saying you "want help", but that's not going to be some magic pill if you can't confront and accept your past behaviour, why you did it, and how you can see it and change it for the future. Sure, there's a girl you care about now, but what happens if it doesn't work out? Back to casual unprotected sex until you meet the next girl you "care about" when you lament all the unprotected sex you had (again)? There's plenty more STDs to be scared of as well as HIV, and of course unwanted pregnancies.

If you're going to get all upset because people are "mean" when they give you the unvarnished truth, you're probably too delicate to be let lose on the internet, let alone a relationship with a member of the opposite sex.

 

[London Geezer]

I actually didn't expect anyone to be a jerk about it. I EXPECTED that people would be glad to see me finally mature enough take responsibility. Yes, I knew there'd be a few good-humored jokes because what would a "Sage's Personal Life" thread be without them? I really felt that the thread was going quite well until that last paragraph of your first post.

Unless you just wanted to be mean, I really don't see why you felt you needed to inform me of how stupid I have been when I obviously already recognized that and have changed my behavior accordingly. That's why I got upset- I came here trying to do the responsible thing and you used it as an opportunity to be mean.

You know what, fuck right off, childish queen you are. I've explained myself enough, and other people are telling you how you took it the wrong way.
Enough with this.
This place was much better when you were too busy to access it.



(see, THAT's rude)

 

[Sage]

Obviously you're going to make the same mistakes again if you can't look at your past and see what YOU did wrong.

Obviously, I'm ready to face responsibility or I wouldn't have even asked the question in the first place.

And for your information, I've only had casual sex twice (with the same person) and that was DEFINITELY protected. I've had unprotected sex less that twenty times. I've never gone around banging random people without a rubber.

 

[Bouncing Zabaglione Bros.]

Obviously, I'm ready to face responsibility or I wouldn't have even asked the question in the first place.

And for your information, I've only had casual sex twice (with the same person) and that was DEFINITELY protected. I've had unprotected sex less that twenty times. I've never gone around banging random people without a rubber.

"Facing your responsibility" also means facing/accepting responsibility for the things you did in the past, not just the things you intend to do in the future. It also means accepting that you will have to deal with the fact that when people find out about these things, they will have reactions or say things that you may find harsh, even if they are true.

Look at it this way. You have this girl that you really like, and you're going to get checked out and hopefully you won't have got anything nasty. So far so good. What are you going to say when she asks about your past sex life? What you did in the past will have a direct affect on your immediate future, and you're going to have to deal with this person's reaction, and tell her how you've changed your views, and how you were stupid and made mistakes, but now you've changed and why. Or are you going to tell her that she's just trying to make you feel bad and what a mean person she is? Or are you going to lie about it all, which is the easier way out, but pretty much sets the tone for this "special" relationship, and shows you haven't really learned to face your responsibilities at all?

People make mistakes all the time. Often, despite good advice, they have to make and learn from their own mistakes. It's how you deal with them afterwards that says a lot about the person you are.

 

[Sage]

]What are you going to say when she asks about your past sex life? What you did in the past will have a direct affect on your immediate future, and you're going to have to deal with this person's reaction, and tell her how you've changed your views, and how you were stupid and made mistakes, but now you've changed and why. Or are you going to tell her that she's just trying to make you feel bad and what a mean person she is? Or are you going to lie about it all, which is the easier way out, but pretty much sets the tone for this "special" relationship, and shows you haven't really learned to face your responsibilities at all?

She already knows. She started as a friend. Allof my real world good friends know. And do you know what they say about it? Something along the lines of "dude, you should stop doing that" and when I tell them that I have stopped they don't procede to lecture me about my past mistakes, they congradulate me on making the right decision and give me encouragement.