need advice

[rotten]

i'd like to share smthing with the beyond3d family....

yday i was workin in the pub when i saw a girl that i used to go out with sm years back... i cared (and i still do) about her a great deal but it just din't work out... some months ago i found out that she got engaged and i felt genuinely happy for her because i also knew the person that she got engaged to and i knew that she'd be happy with him... so when i saw her yesterday i found out that she'd split up from her fiance, when i asked her the reason for that she told me that she is a drug user and her fiance could not deal with it.. that's when i noticed her arms, they where all carved up, bruised and had sm stitches as well... the word that came to my head was smackhead... and i was quite surprised and saddened by that fact since when we were together she wasn't doing anything of that shit... i haven't mentioned that she has a 2 year old kid which is just adorable... i'm trying to think of a way to help her out although i'm not sure she wants any help at all.. i don't want her to think that i'm passing judgement, or that i feel sorry for her... i'm a bit astounded with this thing since i never expected her to do something like that and i really don't know what to do... any help or advice would be much appreciated... thanx

 

[epicstruggle]

this is just me, but i would keep a very, very, very close eye on her child. take her and the kid out to lunch and see whether or not the kid has had a meal lately. Your first priority is to that child, if you suspect neglect call the proper authorities right away.

As to the girl in question, you can only give support and advice, does she have family in the area? Do they know of her problems? Try to find out if they tried to help her out and what happened when they did. Does the father know of this? Sometimes people who get addicted to drugs need to hit rockbottom to realize they have a serious problem and that they need to get help. I would not give money but rather food or clothing.

just to make it clear, that child should be your first priority. If you must burn your friendship to keep that child safe than burn that bridge.

epic
i dont tend to be sympathetic of drug users, so i might come off extremely harsh. I hope your friend finds the help she needs to overcome this awfull addiction.

 

[_xxx_]

Had the same story with one of my ex-gf's.

It's nice you'd like to help, but drug addicts are not very open for advices. I don't see how you could help _her_, but you should indeed keep an eye on that child. Does she have parents? Do they know about that? If someone should do smt about it, than it's her family IMHO.

Fucking drugs!

 

[RussSchultz]

Of only this were the politics forum, then I'd say something snarky about drugs being a victimless crime.

But anyways, as callous as it sounds, she probably is a giant emotional sink for you, with nothing in return. I would try to help, but keep myself as emotionally distant as possible.

 

[Bouncing Zabaglione Bros.]

I tend to agree with Russ. Drug addicts can't be helped until they want to help themselves. Until she wants to get off drugs and asks for your help, there's not much you can do, because you'll just be interefering with where she wants to take her life.

I know it's tempting to want to help someone so obviously damaged ("bird with a broken wing" syndrome), especially when she is so mixed up in an emotional and significant part of your life, but self-destructive people (whether it's with drugs or anything else) only ever hurt everyone around them - including those old friends trying to help out.

You're better off out of it.

 

[Sonic]

Do not, I repeat do not get emotionally involved. You have feelings towards her that could lead you into some sort of internal struggle. You should approach this in a rational and caring way. Like epic has said, the child should be the #1 priority. Keep an eye on the child and if you notice anything strange or disturbing then contact someone who can help.

There really isn't much better advice that can be given than from what the people above this post have said. Just look at her as a person with a very serious problem/condition and make the kid the focus of your attention.

 

[Sage]

offer to take her to rehab and make sure she knows you'll be there for her and take care of whatever she needs if she is willing to accept it. if she doesnt want to get off drugs then there's nothing you can do and involving yourself with her is just going to cause you problems. However, involving yourself with the child would probably really help the kid. If she's unwilling to accept your help (help getting off drugs- if she wants to stay on drugs then you cant help her in any other way) then give it to the kid. The part of her that you love (the part that isnt on drugs) is also within that child and you should do whatever you can to make sure the child recieves your love.


I had a very similar situation recently. She didn't want to get off drugs and just got into heavier stuff. Myself as well as several others offered to give her everything, all she had to do was say 'okay' and she'd be taken care of. But, she just wouldnt do that. It's her own fault, we did everything would possibly could. You can't help someone who doesnt want it.

Now, I have met a wonderful girl that is also on drugs. But, there's a major difference- she wants a better life and is going to get it with or without my help. It's really great to be able to give support to someone who wants it and appreciates it.


Saving the mom saves the kid. If you can't save the mom you can still save the kid.