How do I get my family to ditch a funfair?

[digitalwanderer]

My kids funfair is today and I do NOT want to go to it!

How do I get the kids to not want to go? Me and my wife (who is just as excited about going as I am) were discussing options late last night and came up with the following:

1. I could fake a heart attack

2. When the air-raid sirens go off for their weekly testing in about a 1/2 hour we could act panicked and tell the kids a tornado is coming and hide in the basement for 3 hours until it's too late to go

3. "Accidently" let the puppies out and spend 3 hours chasing them

4. My wife could fake a migraine

5. Me and my wife could fake a fight, the kids have never really seen us fight (mainly because I don't think we have since the kids came) and we figure the shock would throw them off stride

I know there has to be a better/less evil way, any ideas?

 

[epicstruggle]

My kids funfair is today and I do NOT want to go to it!

Grow some nads and go. Spend time with your kids, is that too much for them to ask of you?

If you dont want to go, then tell them the truth: That you dont care enough about them to go to the funfair.

Seriously just go and enjoy spending some time with your kids.

epic

 

[digitalwanderer]

Mebbe I could have a buddy come over with a mask on and a toy gun and he could hold us hostage?

 

[epicstruggle]

Mebbe I could have a buddy come over with a mask on and a toy gun and he could hold us hostage?

Woot, we have a winning idea. Traumatize the kids, so you can take being lazy to the next level for teh win!

epic

 

[nutball]

Tell them you've got bird flu.

 

[BRiT]

6) Bribe them with something else...

 

[epicstruggle]

lol, so i hit a sore spot? Why post a thread on how crappy a father you want to be, if you dont want to be called on it?

Step away from the computer and spend time with your kids. Trust me, you'll thank me for it. Plus you might end up giving me some pos rep back for calling you out on it.

epic

 

[John Reynolds]

Diggie, Epic is right (though a bit too harsh in his word choice). If you faked a heart attack, think about how terrifying that would be to the kids. You do that and I'll drive across state lines and kick the shit out of you; you won't have to worry about funfairs with the proctologist digging an 11" boot out of your ass.

 

[digitalwanderer]

Did you even for a second think I was the slightest bit serious about actually doing any of those options John?

 

[Moloch]

fake a heart attack

 

[John Reynolds]

Did you even for a second think I was the slightest bit serious about actually doing any of those options John?

Well, the smiley face at the end of my post was supposed to suggest the level of seriousness with which I was approaching the discussion. Along with the little joke about putting a boot in your rectum.

 

[see colon]

just get really drunk, all of your problems disapear when that happens.

 

[Basic]

Did you even for a second think I was the slightest bit serious about actually doing any of those options John?

Of course you were, you nose-in-the-air, I'm-more-imprtant-than-my-kids, career-obsessed yuppie.





Lol, I didn't think I ever would see someone tell The Dig to spend some more time with his kids.

Btw, what is a funfair? It did seem as your lack of enthusiasm was true, even though the methods to avoid it weren't. And that kind of surprised me, since a "funfair" (whatever it is) sounds like a very Digi-like event.

 

[digitalwanderer]

Funfair is a very lame elementary school carnival. Cake walks, ring toss, bozo buckets, etc.

We went to lunch and then the family fun center, my kids are out front right now enjoying ice cream they got to buy for themselves from the ice cream man. I'm gonna go fertilize/poison my lawn...happy?

 

[Sonic]

That's a famil funfair? Seems a bit harsh if there is no fun in it for the parents. How old are your kids? You should take them camping on weekend when the weather is really nice and it isn't supposed to rainf or days.