Game review criteria

[John Reynolds]

Read this on another board a few days ago:

Yeah, game reviews are so passé, since the average reader just wants a nice, simple number based on the following criteria:

Graphics

+10 Max resolution is 1600 x 1200
-10 Max resolution is 800 x 600
-20 Max resolution is 640 x 480

(select one):
+30 Engine based on Doom 3, Unreal Engine 3, or Source
+15 Engine created by a company located in a former Eastern Bloc country
+5 Engine based on Quake III
-20 Uses the Quake I/II or Build engine
-90 Text-based

Sound

+5 Speech support
-10 Voice acting provided by developer staff or family

Weapons

+2 All weapons include an alternate fire mode
+3 Game features a rocket launcher or flak cannon
+2 Game features a sniper rifle
+3 Game features a shrinking or freezing ray gun

Packaging and documentation

(select one):
+10 Game comes on a DVD or is packaged in a DVD case
+1 Game discs are held in jewel cases
-5 Game discs are held in paper sleeves

(select one):
+10 Printed manual
+15 Printed manual in full colour
-5 PDF-only manual

For printed manuals only (select one):

+2 Manual is over 40 pages
+5 Manual is over 100 pages
+7 Manual is over 200 pages
+10 Manual is over 300 pages

Other:
+5 Manual is spiral bound
+5 Printed map
+5 Folding glossy cardboard reference card

Demographic Appeal

(select one):
+25 Boobies
+30 Really big boobies
+35 Really big boobies with visible nipples

Pricing (for MMORPGs)
-1 $9.95 per month
-5 $12.95 per month
-10 $14.95 per month

Developer Bias

+5 Developed by Blizzard or BioWare
-5 Developed by 3D Realms

Gameplay

+5 Player can control vehicles
+5 Ragdoll physics
+10 Dynamic campaign
+10 Campaign can be played co-op
+1 Includes Internet multiplayer
-10 Multiplayer on LANs only
-10 Singleplayer only

-10 Keyboard not configurable
-10 Player cannot control 3D-camera

+3 Game includes zombies or skeletons
+1 Game includes elves, orcs, or dwarves
+1 Game includes dragons
+1 Game includes demons or angels
+1 Game includes pirates or ninjas
+1 Game includes Nazis
+3 Game includes Hitler
-40 Game includes robotic frogs

+2 Game is fun

And there you have it, anything over a hundred is an instant classic.

 

[3dilettante]

Don't forget AI.

+50 AI is worth a damn
0 AI is moronic (average)
-8 billion AI would get kicked off the short bus

 

[Saem]

The problem with game reviews is that they have too much other stuff and they aren't templated. If one could seperate them into sections that'd be nice. What's the gameplay? What's it like? What pitfalls were encoutered? What are the technical graphics achievements? What are the graphics like? What is the story? Is it good or bad, and why? What did the game try to do? How well did it suceed in achieving that goal?

I think a lot of "fluff" could be cut out of game reviews, thus shortening them, if one just created a list of questions per game and answered them.

Unless the points are really low I ignore the point systems.

 

[JF_Aidan_Pryde]

You know John, passe it may be, you should do game reviews for Beyond3D. I never got to read any of your 3dfxgamers reviews.

 

[Druga Runda]

I would give +10 for robotic frogs.

+20 if they had boobies with nipples

 

[John Reynolds]

You know John, passe it may be, you should do game reviews for Beyond3D. I never got to read any of your 3dfxgamers reviews.

Heh, I didn't even keep the .doc files of those reviews.

Dave's talked about doing a sub-site for game reviews, but it hasn't been discussed recently. And with Megan I'm not sure I'd have the free time.

 

[Druga Runda]

Maybe you could try something new and encourage forum members to write up reviews and than publish the good ones ... perhaps publishing with a link on the front page could be some sort of an award.

 

[digitalwanderer]

What about crates that you can break and find stuff in? Is that like a +30 for having or a -50 for excluding? :|