Another joke :D

[K.I.L.E.R]

There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest. He sent in ten
different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

It's British.

http://man-faye.mooniidx.com/

 

[rabidrabbit]

eh, another lousy joke from K.I.L.E.R
This time i did understand it, but it was only mildly amusing.

 

[London Geezer]

i didnt get it. and i'm a brit...

 

[Don't Ask]

K.I.L.E.R

This is much better suited for you. I think you'll find more in common with the people there.

 

[Simon F]

There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest. He sent in ten
different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

GROAN.....

 

[Mariner]

How about this one (for lovers of British Pop music):

Police in France have discovered the body of British pop star Sophie Ellis
Bexter the hotel room of French international footballer Zinedine Zidane.

Few details have been released but police are treating it as Murder on
Zidane's floor.

 

[RussSchultz]

What do you get when you toss a copy of the Canterbury Tales?










...




...





A flying Chaucer, of course!

 

[Silent_One]

Late last Saturday night; a young chap was walking home from a club. It was a cold, wet, windy evening, and he was tired and freezing. Most of the streetlights in the area were broken, and the silence was only broken by the occasional sound of a stray cat sifting through a dustbin. Then suddenly he heard a strange noise... BUMP... BUMP...

Startled by this, he turned, and to his amazement, through the driving rain, he saw the faint outline of a large box turning into his road. BUMP... BUMP... BUMP...

He froze to the spot, he couldn't believe his eyes, as the box approached from the shadows, he was able to make out its shape more clearly....It was a coffin. Not wanting anything to do with this, he put his head down and started walking briskly home. BUMP... BUMP... BUMP...

He could feel the coffin gaining on him, he started walking faster.... BUMP... BUMP... BUMP... BUMP... BUMP... BUMP...


The coffin was closing with his every step, he started to jog, but he heard the coffin speed up after him. BUMP... BUMP... BUMP... BUMP... BUMP... BUMP... BUMP... BUMP... BUMP...

He started to sprint, but so did the coffin... BUMP... BUMP... BUMP... BUMP... BUMP... BUMP... BUMP... BUMP... BUMP...

Eventually he made it to his front door, but he knew the coffin was only seconds behind. Fumbling around in his pocket, he pulled out his keys, His hand trembling, he managed to open the lock, he dived inside slamming the front door behind him. He shot into his front room, and slumped into his comfy chair. Suddenly there was a loud crash, as the coffin smashed its way through the front door. The force of the impact broke the lock off the coffin allowing the lid to swing freely on its rusty hinges as it continued its chase... BUMP... BUMP... BUMP... BUMP... BUMP... BUMP... BUMP... BUMP... BUMP... BUMP... BUMP... BUMP... BUMP... BUMP... BUMP...

In horror the young lad fled again, as fast as his shaking legs could take him he bolted upstairs to the bathroom and locked the door... BUMP... SCREECH... BUMP... SCREECH... BUMP... SCREECH... BUMP... SCREECH... BUMP... SCREECH... BUMP... SCREECH...

The coffin again gave chase up the stairs, across the landing and launched itself at the bathroom door. With an almighty smash, the bathroom door flew off its hinges..... The coffin stood in the doorway, then started to approach the young terrified lad. BUMP... SCREECH... BUMP... SCREECH... BUMP... SCREECH... BUMP... SCREECH... BUMP... SCREECH... BUMP... SCREECH...

In a last ditch attempt to save his skin, he reached for his bathroom cabinet...... He grabbed a bar of Imperial Leather soap and threw it at the coffin... still it came.... BUMP... SCREECH... BUMP... SCREECH...

He grabbed his can of Lynx deodorant and threw it... still it came... BUMP... SCREECH... BUMP... SCREECH...

He grabbed his first aid kit and threw it... still it came... BUMP... SCREECH... BUMP... SCREECH...

He grabbed some Vick's cough mixture and threw it... The coffin stopped.

 

[dee]

Woman walks in to see the vet, and carefully places a very limp parrot
down on the table. The vet gets out his stethoscope and checks it out,
and tells her as gently as he can that it`s dead.

The woman doesn`t believe him, hoping beyond hope that it`s just ill, so
the vet offers to do some more checks - she gladly accepts.

The vet disappears for a couple of minutes and comes back with a
labrador
- it put`s its` two front paws on the table, sniffs at the parrot, looks
at the woman, and gently shakes it`s head.

The woman is still not convinced, and wants another opinion - so the vet
disappears again and comes back with a cat. The cat jumps up, has a good
sniff around, prods the parrot with it`s nose, and gets no response - it
looks up at the woman, miaows once and shakes its` head, then jumps down
and leaves the room.

The woman is starting to accept her friends` fate now, and goes out to
pay her bill.

"£150 to tell me my parrot`s dead ?"

The vet hears the commotion and comes out to see her - "my consultation
fee was only £20, but the bill went up because of the the cat scan and
lab report..."

 

[MuFu]

How about this one (for lovers of British Pop music):

Police in France have discovered the body of British pop star Sophie Ellis
Bexter the hotel room of French international footballer Zinedine Zidane.

Few details have been released but police are treating it as Murder on
Zidane's floor.

Teehee.

MuFu.

P.S. I don't love British pop music, just so that's clear...