# I decided last week that I was going to get waxed down there. And by down there I mean in Australia.
# I would never do porn. If I ever did porn the only reason would be is that there isn't enough Jewish representation in porn. You know what my slogan would be? "Slap my toocus!"
# The politically correct word for "midget" is "little person" which I think is so funny because it's the only politically correct word that is actually more offensive. They would much rather prefer (like talking to a baby) "yes you are!"
# I'm so not racist. I'm dating a guy who is half-black who is totally going to break my heart. Oh god, that sounds so pessimistic. He's half-white.
# I dated a Mexican once, but I had to end it. After every time we had sex I'd have diarrhea for like a week.
# Kids need motivation to win. I tell my neice every time she loses at playing tag, an angel gets AIDS. And you know what? She wins.
# I was raped by a doctor which is so bittersweet for a Jewish girl.
# American Airlines could have scored a marketing coup by proclaiming itself "First Through the Towers."
# My neice is 7 years old. She came out of the closet and announched she's a lesbian. Which I think is great but my sister punished her for it. No p*ssy for a month.
# My neice came home from Hebrew school and said Hitler killed 60 million Jews. I told her no, it was 6 million Jews. She said "Oh, 6 million, but really what's the difference? " I told her 60 million is unforgiveable.
# My grandmother smells. Every day it seems to be getting worse and worse. But, she's dead.
# Last week my sister was with two guys. She could hardly walk the next morning. Yea, two dinners.
# I was born in New Hampshire. I only lived there until I was 18 so I don't really remember.
# My boyfriend is a tough guy. He'll come home and say "I'm going to rip you a new one", which I don't think is very romantic during sex.
# I don't wear much jewelry but there is this one jewel that I want. It's really rare and it's only found on the tailbone of Fujean babies. They actually have to de-bone the babies to get it. But if you saw it, it's so worth it.
# They say that a sneeze is like a little orgasm. If you think about it though it's so true, minus the farting.
# I love strippers. I'm actually in stand-up so that I can be a stripper. I wanted to be one ever since I was molested.
