I hate not having a life...

[Jack Attack]

Not too long ago, I was briefly seeing a 17 year old who is soon going to be 18. I am 35. My birthday is in January, like hers is. She is related to Adele, the best selling singer. But many of the messages she sent to my phone were too sexualized and direct. So I had a word with her mum, because my mum was going to say something on Facebook. But her actual hard nut mother left me voice messsges, being a complete moody twat.

My younger sister dated an older guy a long time ago, but they had a few kids and that resulted in a major ordeal, and there are still an ongoing series of legal problems happening. And my mother pays a lawyer £200 per hour, just to get Zoom calls with my nephew. Yet she never coughs up the cash when I need the money.

Anyway, I am tired of not having any inner worth. My own support workers had screwed me over years ago, when they worked for some crappy autism care group. Quite frankly, one of their exes is a jerk as he added one emoji, smiling after I let him know he and others wrecked my life. That all came after years of receiving abuse from trolls on these Resident Evil related message boards, which kept on affecting my mental health over how severe the abuse was. And the support workers were corrupt and practically useless as well. This is because I told somebody I liked this Spanish lady who was serving as a key worker. So rather than simply talking to me in regards to some petty allegation, they had me arrested. But then they lied and said they knew nothing about it. And some other guy there sent me emails, with a nickname. So I have had basically years of grief, with no signs of any of it improving, due to the pigs and the bent legal system toying with my emotions.

 

[Jack Attack]

Double post, as I feel incredibly shitty.

Sorry...

There are some days where maybe a noose around my neck would be more productive than being a laughing stock to folk. #HumanKickBucket

 

[Davros]

You have a P.C you have multiple lives
You're an augmented super agent, your a racing driver, your a general planning the destruction of your enemies, your a fighter pilot, your the chosen one....

 

[Jack Attack]

I wish I could buy Capcom, and restore RE to its former glory.

Money cannot buy you true happiness, as they so often say.

It could short term, alleviate I.E. low mood, your sex drive, etc, but that clinical depression always creeps on back into my head.

 

[orangpelupa]

Sorry, I don't have anything to contribute. Hopefully other forum goers will have something.

this "game" called "life" indeed can be really really really shitty.

 

[Nesh]

Not too long ago, I was briefly seeing a 17 year old who is soon going to be 18. I am 35. My birthday is in January, like hers is. She is related to Adele, the best selling singer. But many of the messages she sent to my phone were too sexualized and direct. So I had a word with her mum, because my mum was going to say something on Facebook. But her actual hard nut mother left me voice messsges, being a complete moody twat.

Why did you get your mom involved? Why on earth does your mom have access to your personal life?
Also she is going to be 18.
You have to decide what you want from her. Are you seeing her romantically? A friend? The question is if you are seeing her romantically why did you get her mom involved as if you are a random person who happened to meet her by accident and wants to put her in the right path of not being flirty with strangers?

My younger sister dated an older guy a long time ago, but they had a few kids and that resulted in a major ordeal, and there are still an ongoing series of legal problems happening. And my mother pays a lawyer £200 per hour, just to get Zoom calls with my nephew. Yet she never coughs up the cash when I need the money.

It is important to free yourself from dependence on parents.

Anyway, I am tired of not having any inner worth. My own support workers had screwed me over years ago, when they worked for some crappy autism care group. Quite frankly, one of their exes is a jerk as he added one emoji, smiling after I let him know he and others wrecked my life. That all came after years of receiving abuse from trolls on these Resident Evil related message boards, which kept on affecting my mental health over how severe the abuse was. And the support workers were corrupt and practically useless as well. This is because I told somebody I liked this Spanish lady who was serving as a key worker. So rather than simply talking to me in regards to some petty allegation, they had me arrested. But then they lied and said they knew nothing about it. And some other guy there sent me emails, with a nickname. So I have had basically years of grief, with no signs of any of it improving, due to the pigs and the bent legal system toying with my emotions.

I sense a pattern and you need to find a really good mentor for men to help you find some grounding

 

[digitalwanderer]

Sorry to hear 'bout your problems. Depression is a bitch and it's always skulking around just waiting for you to get your defenses down to attack ya. It's not a condition so much as a constant battle, I wish you well in your fight.

I can't say it gets easier exactly, but it does seem to get more manageable the longer you live with it. Hang tough Grace! Bad luck ain't gonna last always, the sun will rise again, other encouraging sounding platitudes.

 

[Jack Attack]

I miss being in films. I used to like doing that, pre-Covid era. But then someone got on my case, and her associates kept slandering me behind my back, and they even pocketed my money.

 

[Nesh]

Bro I know it's hard and we may feel resentment and bitterness for the past. Its a trap when we lose ourselves and we revisit past events again and again. But you need to pick yourself up and move forward.
Find coaching that specialize in men. Do your research and find someone you know will help you reprogram your brain towards the right action.

 

[Davros]

Find coaching that specialize in men

Gamervivek - Only Joking

 

[Picao84]

About 10 years ago I felt a bit like you are feeling I think. What helped? Move to another country and start all over again, no strings attached. Launching yourself into the "unknown" can be a powerful force for change, if you are resilient enough.

 

[Jack Attack]

Yeah. I think I would be as well to just fuck off. As in depart from Edinburgh. There is nothing here for me any more, and the arseholes cannot be beaten.

Morons have wrecked my life for years. Some other guy likes being a tosser. But to be quite honest, that's just one person out of many douchebags.

I cannot even get anybody to take on my case, as it all started years ago. They tell me to keep to the lawyer I have, yet he says NOTHING in court. So, meh.

 

[milk]

We all get in a rut sometimes. These past two years were specially hard on everyone. So, if is any consolation, your tough times are likely a result of just life becoming hard in general more than your personal failures.

That said, feelings of inadequacy and unhapiness are often more of a spiritual issue than a material/situational one. And I say this as a non-religious person. If you are also non-religious, try to think of that word as a loose blanket term for our life-philosophy, our psychological ambitions, our aproach to life, and all that... That's what I do at least.

I can see a lot of myself in your ramblings. The actual specifics don't apply at all. But the general emotion, I believe, is almost universal. General steps that I learned to be helpful i my own experience are:

-Activelly practice gratitude for the things that ARE not going wrong.
-Open up with people you do have the space too. Allow some vulnerability where it is permited. Watch out for the ego.
-Soul search to actually pin down (to the best of your/our limited ability) what are the main things that bother you, and what are the manin things you wish could be different.
-Paint a picture of what a better life for yourself would look like. Not a lofty one, but a ruthlessly grounded one. Try to think of the most realistically atainable lifestyle that you could moderately easely atain in the next year or so that would be better. The soul searching step is fundamental here. Figure out what are the simplest things that if changed about your current lifestyle could appease your sorrows the most. And with that, you have a goal to aim for.
-Recognise your shortcomings, and FORGIVE YOUR FUCKING SELF for them. We can always improve, but don't ever demand yourself to be perfect, and accept the fact you'll always male mistakes throwought your whole life.
-Same as last step, but for other people. Understand other people are flawed too. That does not mean pardoning every debt anybody might have with you, or letting them wall over you. You are in your right to demand what is owed to you, and to cut ties with people that are toxic. But don't let resentment consume you. Be practical.
-If all that seems impossible in your current situation, because there are too many ties and dependencies, seriously consider hitting the road and starting over. I've done that myself in my life (was unmarried and childless) and I quit my job, hitchhiked across coutry for a year, and took all sorts of odd jobs along the way. It was great for clearing up my mind, realising both how hard life can be but also how beautiful it also is, made me appreciate the small things better, and had me build a lot more self-respect along the way.
-Love.

I hope this can help. And good luck, brother.

 

[Jack Attack]

I've got anxiety, and I have never learned how to drive.

But yeah. I do think getting away would be a good move.

 

[Nesh]

I've got anxiety, and I have never learned how to drive.

But yeah. I do think getting away would be a good move.

Getting you out of the comfort zone and learning how to drive can be your first small challenge that can add some small change in your life.
Not being able to drive makes you more dependent on means and others that do.
Others shouldnt "drive" your life. You should have as much power in your hands as possible so you can improve and change aspects of your life.

 

[Jack Attack]

Yeah. I need to get a new EdIndex number for my bids.

It may not make me feel totally perfect, but I think a fresh start somewhere else is what I need.

Lord knows I have been calling up so many legal firms over a breach, and I just can't get anybody. I basically told someone it was shit when he called me in October, because I didn't agree with it one bit. Of course, legal requirements can be bogus and a lot of people don't agree with the outcomes. But this was for crap I had already told people wasn't caused by me. So I definitely didn't agree with it. My prior lawyer actually called me last week, and I feel he let me down by claiming he lost a USB stick I gave him almost 2 years ago.

 

[Nesh]

What is this breach you are talking about?

 

[davis.anthony]

Money cannot buy you true happiness, as they so often say.

Nope, but it's more comfortable crying into a hand stitched Italian steering wheel made from the finest leather then it is to cry in a Nissan.

 

[Deleted member 11852]

Nope, but it's more comfortable crying into a hand stitched Italian steering wheel made from the finest leather then it is to cry in a Nissan.

Yup, it cannot buy happiness but money sure can eliminate a lot of misery and anxiety. When you reach a financial position where you no longer have to be concerned about paying a mortgage and/or working at all, it's utterly freeing.

 

[green.pixel]

When you reach a financial position where you no longer have to be concerned about paying a mortgage and/or working at all, it's utterly freeing.

Have you reached it with secret soup?