Middle life crisis

L

liolio

Aquoiboniste
Legend
Hi all,

Just wondering if some of you have already gone through their middle life crisis?

I think I'm entering it big time. I used to be quite unsatisfied with my jobs in Paris. I moved with my wife to the US and for various reasons it did not worked for us. I've been back in France for 9 months in a "new" town even though my family is from here, I don't feel at home... at this point anywhere.

I worked 3 months in a call center /hotline for a French ISP/carrier and just got fired... imo for the wrong reasons but I've to say that it was really not for me... that shit was driving me mad...

So I'm back home with a pretty poor "personal" life.
It is clear for me that I messed up big time. Shitty jobs are driving me mad, I want to do something that at least remotely interests me. I've been considering going back to school (/ or doing some form of home training) for a while but I could never settle on what to learn, not too mention I was quite caught in may daily routine.

I'm pessimistic and it is not helping. Closing in to my forties I begin to know my self better but not well enough. I know I'm not clever enough for high end jobs, I'm not dumb either. I would say above the average but the average in France is quite low at least going with IQ as a test.

I'm engulfed by doubts :(

So you have an idea of the extend and the ridicule of the situation, 2 days ago I decided to do some of those mbti /personnality tests. I already did a while ago, though never with a proper psychologist, and last time I found that I was INTP, to my surprised this time I found I was INFP...
So I went to read about it, and found that actually it fit my state of mind better. I also search for carreesr that could be a good match for me.
Later the same day I did another test on another site, found INTP again, I felt lost, I searched for another site: INTP again.

To sum it up I lost one day in useless research on the web, I laugh of it as for a moment I might have consider all this a bit too seriously. Anyway the ridicule of the situation remains I've no idea about what to do.
having read the description I still think that I'm more of a INFP :LOL:

That fact that I'm pessimistic is not helping, either, economy sucks, jobs positions that used to pay well are no longer well paid, people with good resumes are applying for lesser position and so on.
I feel defeated, if I were to succeed in anything the odd would be quite low for me to find a position that allows me to exercise my newly acquired knowledge and to capitalize on it.

So I know I don't want to work in an open space, phone or not it drives me mad. I may want to learn something that may allow to run my own business later on. I get bored fast. I don't like to work on too lengthy projects. It can't require too much brain processing power, I lack here. I don't want to manage people. I'm definitely not a sale person.

So are there others here that like me that would have made mistake younger and suffered later of a pathological form of indecision and yet successfully overcame it?
Or people that change the course of they life on the verge of entering the second half of their lives?

Thanks in advance for sharing your experiences.
 
been through one, I became very aware of my own mortality and was convinced my heart was going to give out at any time
 
Consider a career in IT? Hopefully you will find it interesting and I bet you have a knack for it.

You won't get rich but you won't be poor either. You should be able to get all the right certificate in community college, although experience is what counts. You could intern/volunteer at places in your spare time.

I've been working full time in an IT position for just over 2 years now and my life has gotten sooo much better. I truly enjoy what I do and I have to say I have become very good at it :). Also make more money than I ever have although money is not super important to me.
 
This is a really difficult topic. It's so personal, it's hard to give advice that will work for someone else. I had quite the personal crisis when I was about to turn thirty, while turning forty was a yawnfest in comparison and now I'm 42... I don't know if I'd really mellowed all that much in the decade that passed or just resigned to the fact that the years will roll by no matter what you do! You can't stop it.

I'm also the last person to ask for relationship advice - I'm hopelessly single, and will most likely stay so for the rest of my life, for deeply personal reasons. Just try to find contentedness with yourself, because no matter if you're married or single, or living in France or the US - YOU have to live with YOU. Being at odds with yourself is much worse than being at odds with your wife, because how can you escape yourself?

So just know that life is not a competition, even though it's often portrayed as such; he who dies with the most stuff doesn't win, he's just dead like every other dead guy. So again, be friends with yourself first and foremost. Trust yourself. Know what you're good at, and if possible, improve that which you could get better at. Maybe school isn't such a bad idea, especially if you don't quite know what to do right now?

Hope things perk up for you soon. :)
 
Thanks all for the kind words :)

Homerdog, I'm actually considering IT, and move from shitty helpdesk support to development.
I've ended up hating support, you deal with people mostly, it is a service with the matching shifting schedules. I'm getting old enough so I know my self better, I need a regular schedule with matching living habits, like sports, etc.
My previous job was crazy in that regard, the shcedule from shifting on a daily basis covering anything between 8am to 8 pm, you never wake up at the same hour, neither you ever eat at the same hour even when covering the same hours. For me it is awful.

Did anyone here made personnality test, serious ones I mean? Did it help narrowing the choices for their professional life?
 
Grall said:
So just know that life is not a competition, even though it's often portrayed as such; he who dies with the most stuff doesn't win, he's just dead like every other dead guy. So again, be friends with yourself first and foremost. Trust yourself. Know what you're good at, and if possible, improve that which you could get better at. Maybe school isn't such a bad idea, especially if you don't quite know what to do right now?)
Click to expand...

I think this is EXTREMELY good advice, on contemporary times particularly, for anyone struggling with their life situation. I'd guess this is as general and far reaching as you could get.
 
liolio said:
I'm getting old enough so I know my self better, I need a regular schedule with matching living habits, like sports, etc.
Click to expand...

And here are my two cents: It's impressive how simplistic our needs and wants are. It's very common for us to wonder about deep and complex issues about our life choices, when really what is dragging our mood down are things as rudimentary as quality sleep, eating, exercising, climate and such. So while you are pursuing peace with your inner self, remember to take the time to check if those more mundane things are not actually a big part of the whole issue too.
 
milk said:
And here are my two cents: It's impressive how simplistic our needs and wants are. It's very common for us to wonder about deep and complex issues about our life choices, when really what is dragging our mood down are things as rudimentary as quality sleep, eating, exercising, climate and such. So while you are pursuing peace with your inner self, remember to take the time to check if those more mundane things are not actually a big part of the whole issue too.
Click to expand...
Thanks for the advice, it is something important for me. I'm not really competitive, I don't have ambition (which in turn hurts motivation...), I have simple needs, I don't need lots of money.
I want a sane, regular, relatively healthy life and a jobn I don't completely hate, man does it get tough to have a job that allows for that :(
 
You need to change your attitude! The less you hate (whatever), the better it will always be for you, and not only for you but probably more importantly - for the people around you who need help! And the job itself should be the last thing you need to dislike or even worse - to hate it somehow.

Perhaps you have already achieved what your basic needs are and that's why there is no further ambition or motivation for the better but come on - it can always be better.

And as I said - perhaps Canada would be a great choice - it is much better than the states.

oh, and as far as I know France is not a very good country to live in :LOL: I wouldn't :LOL:
 
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If you feel buying a Porsche will make you feel better its a midlife crisis.

If you don't your just having a bad time of things. ;)
 
Useful clichè: sometimes you gotta shoot for the stars to reach the moon.
 
liolio said:
Thanks all for the kind words :)

Homerdog, I'm actually considering IT, and move from shitty helpdesk support to development.
I've ended up hating support, you deal with people mostly, it is a service with the matching shifting schedules. I'm getting old enough so I know my self better, I need a regular schedule with matching living habits, like sports, etc.
My previous job was crazy in that regard, the shcedule from shifting on a daily basis covering anything between 8am to 8 pm, you never wake up at the same hour, neither you ever eat at the same hour even when covering the same hours. For me it is awful.

Did anyone here made personnality test, serious ones I mean? Did it help narrowing the choices for their professional life?
Click to expand...

I work in support and love it :). Yes the hours can be crazy but I'm young.

My favorite is installing PBXes though. It's like a big puzzle and it feels great to put together a 300+ IP phone system with multiple locations routing through VPNs/MPLS and have it all work like it's supposed to :cool:. Of course I am the designer, installer, and supporter which is not all that common for the size systems I install.
 
AlNets said:
Ctrl-Alt-Del
Click to expand...

Windows 98 taught me you can survive the blue screen of death by pressing enter. You're likely to get a second one after that, but don't give up and press enter again till you're in safe territory again.

With XP, blue screen of death is more unforgiving but sometimes it's a matter of killing explorer.exe and getting a new one.
Hope that helps :LOL:
 
UniversalTruth said:
Hope is dead, so no, please try again with something else!
Click to expand...
I tend to be dark /pessimistic too. Really bad times ahead, it is heavy on me though it should not I can't change anything about it: no solution... no problem
I guess the saying is right ignorance is a bliss.

Alstrong, crtl+alt+del allows for many things like switching user did you mean "swinging"might do me some good? :LOL: , I guess sorting things out in the task manager might be a good thing to do. Kill all those nefarious loops, at the time not useful processes, etc.
I need to do sport, I've been delaying signing somewhere because my situation being unstable I wanted to save money. I guess I need to do things that do me some good and build some positive momentum.
 
Things are getting better, I've decided on something: I will train in something 'wood' related.

Lots of options, does anybody here work in the field?
 
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