Developers, what are some of the craziest things you seen or heard about?

Still, with Its level of "intelligence" it's surprising it didn't pissed it all away in a week.

Oh yeah, I absolutely loved those stories, been reading them long before I joined.

 

FWIW, with every one of its previous ventures, including the construction company which is apparently still running... there were always other family members involved, so they might have been shielding the "special" son. Now it seemed to brag about a failed restaurant (which apparently sparked its interest in construction, since it had blamed its failure on the construction crew it admittedly didn't pay for) and a failed hair salon which it had intended its mother to run, to which she heartily refused saying the equivalent of "no way in hell am I running anything you started." Yes, the creature actually cited these several times as examples of how he had done everything right, and everybody else screwed it up for the creature. FWICT of the construction company, the creature is more or less the guy who has to sign stuff, and its brother does all the real work.

When the tragic gaming company was started, for a good while, our "paychecks" were hand-signed ordinary checks with no mailing address on them. It was only by the creature's brother's hand that we actually ended up on a formal payroll. It was actually rather apparent that the creature itself also had no idea how to fill out a lot of common forms for even hiring people in the first place.

Perhaps, assuming that it might have some idea what a prime number is (which is a real stretch), it might have been under the impression that a prime number raised to a prime power must also be prime? So maybe, if you just search for the smallest prime that makes some sense (and 2 + 5 = 7, and 17 has a "7" in there, so it makes sense... right???)... yeah, I know it's silly, but it's about the best I could come up with.

 

17 is the fifth prime after 2.

 

Wait, it's not. Nevermind.

 

Well, 2+5 = 7, and 17 is the 7th prime (2(i), 3(ii), 5(iii), 7(iv), 11(v), 13(vi), 17(vii))... I still think that's a little above the creature's logical abilities, though. There's too much history in which its logic ended up being completely non sequitur (e.g. blue hulk, new razor).

For someone who doesn't know how many sides are in an octagon to somehow get to the 7th prime from 2 and 5 is kind of absurd.

 

It's simple. 16 is the 4th power of 2. 4 is close to 5, and 17 is close to 16, so if you have no clue how powers actually work (I've taught and failed many such students), it's quite possible for the "4" and "16" in your brain to get perturbed to "5" and "17."

 

Would that same rule apply for training oneself to confuse the prefix "pent" with "oct"? I can sort of accept that its idea of the universal extensibility of logic (i.e. what works in one case works in all cases) can assume that since a n-sided figure is a (prefix-representing-n)-gon, that a 3-sided figure must be called a "trigon." How about thinking that 20 artists is a maximum because there are 4 rooms and 2 teams (art and programming were considered 2 separate teams who it figured was a good idea to set into competition against each other) and 1 "lord and master" (yes, those were the words)?

Besides, I think getting as far as 4 and 16 being close to 5 and 17 is still something of a feat for the creature.

 

You said you have millions of these archived on your box - write a small script to upload a new one every day to some website. We could register, i don't know, "ChromeHitler.com" or something, then you just stick some adsense ads on it.
You'll be a millionaire soon, then you'll be able to hire some employees of your own.

 

Eh. It's a little disorganized for that. Besides which, I kept track of repetitions as well, as there tend to be minor differences, and the creature lacked short-term memory as I said, so we'd hear a lot of things over and over and over... and over. And I've actually been avoiding a lot of those as well as those which aren't strictly humorous.

Example of some repetitions w/ minor variations (some much worse than others) --
"Let me tell you something, I was already set to hire you from the start, you know... because you're black. And it's always such a good thing to see a black guy who's not selling drugs." (this one I've posted before)...

"You know what I think about this guy... He's not asking for too much money, but beyond that, I think we should hire him because he's black. You know, how often do you see a black guy who's not selling drugs?"

"You know, I must be as lucky as I am a genius. Look at all these black guys who are applying here and looking for real work instead of going around selling drugs."

"You know, I know you're black and all, and it's part of your nature, but I think you should really come to work for me and stop selling drugs. You and me, we're both from Africa, we're basically brothers, so I really want to see you succeed."

Well, you get the idea. The "guns firing from the same point" conversation has some 22 slightly different versions.

Anyway, I figure I'll balance with another story of obliviousness. Talking only to programmers here...

It : "I want you guys to know right now -- I want to make it clear, that is -- We're aiming to beat the crap out of people."
Physics guy : "I assume you don't mean physically beat..."
It : "Well yeah... What I'm trying to say is... I'm totally committed to getting this company and this game in the top 5. And I know we can do it because all the decisions I've made are going to get us there. Do you see what I'm saying?
We're directly competing against the top 5 companies in the world. Y'know, it's a worldwide market; it's not just the U.S. The top 5 companies in the world are our direct competition -- that's where we are. You know like... The Unreal, The Halo, and... uuuh... the... maybe The Return to Castle Wolfenstein, that sold well... maybe The Battlefield 1942, that sold a lot..."
Me : "Those aren't... companies."
It : "Well, you know the Unreal company made The Unreal and the Wolfenstein company made the Wolfenstein."
Me : "Well, okay... I don't think you named anything made outside North America either."
AI Guy : "Isn't DICE, like, Norwegian or Swedish or something?"
Me : "Yeah, but I don't remember if it was the Sweden office or the Canada office that did Battlefield."
AI Guy : "Whichever it was, it's sort of the kind of game that sells mainly in the US."
Me : "Yeah."
It : "Well, whatever. Do Sex, then; that was done in like... well somewhere else in the world, right?"
Physics Guy : "Do Sex?!?? I can't imagine a game called 'Do Sex' showing up on store shelves."
It : "Oh c'mon, that other guy was talking about it. And remember, [My initials]? I was playing it and I was telling you how dumb it was that you had to do all this stuff..."
Me : "Oh... Deus Ex, you mean."
Physics Guy : "Oh god..."
AI Guy : "Given that it was you saying it, I thought it actually was 'Do Sex'"
Me : "Yes, I recall some points made that there was no point in making a game where you had to do stuff instead of just killing people right away."
It : "Yeah, that's what people want, y'know. That's why it's a game. I don't know why people like it, but you know, I guess programmers are weird no matter where they're from. You know, for that matter, I don't see why The Battlefield sold so much. Their graphics are a total joke."
Me : ???
AI Guy : "They... seem fine to me."
Physics Guy : "Yeah, it's not going to make me swoon or anything, but it's hardly a total joke."
It : "You look at it, it's totally MONOTONOUS. I mean everything is all so... you know... it's like you're in the desert and everything is brown. You know what I'm saying?"
Me : "Deserts tend to be brown... unless you're expecting people to fight a war in Antarctica."
It : "It doesn't matter! They totally forgot that they were making a game! You know? You need to have things that glow blue and red and have a base with all these lights and put all this chrome on a vehicle! You can't make a game without having everything noticeable. There's no point in having graphics if you can't see everything! You know, that means everything!"
Me : "I'm glad you have your priorities straight."
It : "You know, that's why I keep telling you guys. You have to make everything functional. Make everything... there... not you know... out there."
Everyone : "..........."
It : "I just want you guys to be clear. Y'know, that's what's going to put us at the top of the game. That's why we're making the game that can only be appreciated by everyone. When this is all over, you're going to be congratulating yourself for making the right choice and coming here. Y'know, [singing]congratulations... and celebrations.[/singing]"

 

"the craziest thing was being handed a level design containing a hall of mirrors.."

not too crazy i once changed every single texture in an unreal tournament level to mirror and all the lights to stobe, unfortunately my pc locked up after about 6 hours of compiling the level

 

I'll give him one thing... chrome is certainly noticeable!

 

Yes, it's noticeable, all right, and covering an object or person entirely in chrome makes things look functional. That, and glowing. Without glow, there's no way of knowing that something actually works.

To quote the creature :
"Without things like chrome and glow, you can't tell that energy is being expended. It needs to look like power rods so that you can see the functionality of it."

See? Look how functional it is! Am I right or am I super-duper-right?

(Larger version)

Anyway, since more people ask for more additions to the creature library, so given the context, here's more drive towards chrome and shiny-shine-shine. This also relates to a sort of weirdly directed hatred the creature had for a particular environment artist who happened to have the same given name as the creature. There seemed to be a particular level of animosity between the creature and this particular modeller who most of us referred to as "Good [first name]" while the creature was "the creature", "it", "the beast", "Pestilence", or "Evil [first name]" and so on --
It : "I really don't get why everybody is making such a big deal about that canyon level that [Env.Artist] did."
Art Director : "It's a damn good level, especially for multiplayer. It's loaded with cubbyholes and sniping locations as well as hiding spots and you have forcible points of contact between teams, and while there are shortcuts and bypasses, they're hard to find and harder to get to."
Me : "On top of that, that's what he was able to make without any concept work."
It : "But it's so totally monotonous! It looks like a total desert."
Me : "It IS a desert. A canyon in the desert."
It : "But it's a desert in the future, that's the important thing."
Me : "Soooooo..."
It : "Soooo... it doesn't have any specular or chrome, there's nothing special. It's totally boring. You need to have something there because it's a futuristic desert."
Art Director : "You want a desert where there's been battles raging to have SHINY rocks?!? What's next, glowing sand?"
It : "You know, I would have expected that out of [My initials] here, because he's a programmer. You know, he's totally infected with the computer virus so he thinks of everything logically, but this is about aesthetics."
Art Director : "I get the feeling you're infected with som---"
It : "You're an artist, so you're not a programmer, y' know. I know programmers aren't really concerned with making sure things are working properly, but you need to be."
Art Director : "There's nothing about shiny rocks and chrome in a desert battlezone that's proper!"
It : "Look, you have to listen to what I'm saying, you see. This is how the world works. You have to make things look functional so that people know that what they're looking it is real instead of some dead lump of nothing."
Me : "Deserts don't function. They actually ARE dead."
It : "But this is a desert in the fuuuutture! You hear what I'm saying? Fuuuuture."
Me : "Do you have to hold your hands up when you say that? That's really annoying."
Art Director : "How are deserts magically supposed to get shiny and glowy and chromey just because it's the future?"
It : "My god! You guys have no vision at all. It's the fuuuuture! You hear me? The fuuuuture! What the point of a future if it isn't futuristic? If you don't do that, it's just as well the whole passage of time never happened."
Me : "I get that feeling about many recent passages of time."
Art Director : "Add one more for the tally."
It : "Now I've got to explain the whole world to you guys? Maybe if I explain it to you in Hindu, it'll work, huh [My Initials]?"
Me : "..................."
It : "That's a joke... come on, man. You're with me, right?"
Art Director : "I'd advise you to run for your life."
It : "God, it's like the damn programmers have been infecting everything."
Art Director : "Oh, crap... I think I'm gonna get out before there's blood spilled."

 

Dammit, slip up! We have teams of researchers waiting to pounce on a name revelation...!

One word: nanosand

 

A few people have already emailed me with correct guesses. 2 (out of 18 who emailed) professors at SUNY have guessed correctly as well as quite a few current/former employees at the middleware provider we used.

Besides, if you know where to look, you can find the creature's name rather quickly. I'm avoiding names for the more obvious reasons. I don't expect the creature to have any memory of these things (considering that it can call me and forget it called me in the process), but I'm more thinking that people who worked for it and are still in the industry would not like to have their names attached to such a tragedy.

What you need is radioactive glowy nanosand so that you can turn Hitler II into the mighty Quantum Hitler. It can also serve as an inexhaustible fuel source for a flying Harley.