Developers, what are some of the craziest things you seen or heard about?
- Thread starter Brimstone
- Start date
ShootMyMonkey
Veteran
When I first went through my interview with his only programmer at the time, the guy gave me a call soon afterward. Now apparently because my name happens to be difficult to pronounce and looks unusual, after the first few words were exchanged ("Am I speaking to so and so...?", etc., etc.)... the very first question he asked me was "Do you speak English?"... I was a bit puzzled, but answered in the affirmative. Now this wouldn't have been so bad if not for the *second* question he asked me, which was... "Are you sure?"
There were other programmers interviewed, however, where he says more appalling things, including --
"Let me tell you something, I was already set to hire you from the start, you know... because you're black. And it's always such a good thing to see a black guy who's not selling drugs."
Trying to convince someone to take lower pay --
"I understand you have a family. I have one, too... Y know, on that subject, one of the things my wife and I did was to use one of those ovulation machines to determine when we do it. You should really try to do the same thing so you know when to avoid it."
Yes, he said "ovulation machine", and the rest of us were sitting with looks of shock on our faces thinking 'why on earth is he talking to this guy about his sex life!! This is a job interview!' BTW, the guy we interviewed then was someone I got to work with later, and he's moved around a bit since. Last I heard, he's now a team lead at LucasArts.
The following quotes are images he had of how the future will work --
"Why do we have buttons on the computers in there? It's set 100 years in the future! I'm pretty sure people will move past buttons!"
"It's 100 years in the future! I don't think we should be using bullets anymore. We should be firing energy! You know, like... did you see that one scene on the Borg ship?"
"Why are you modelling toilets? It's 100 years in the future! People won't be sh*tting turds anymore!"
ShootMyMonkey
Veteran
I think I may not have worded that right. It isn't the crazy moronic bastard creature who was running the shop who is now at LucasArts. The guy we were interviewing back then is now at LucasArts (the guy the creature was trying to convince not to have children so he could work for less money). That guy happens to be a perfectly normal, well-adjusted human being. The creature is something else entirely. Actually, last I cared to look up, the creature was being chased down by the district courts over the theft and illegal resale of fire hydrants.
TurnDragoZeroV2G
Regular
Wow. Hahahaha.
ShootMyMonkey
Veteran
It wasn't really the creature personally doing it. Its other company happens to be a construction company and the creature was indicted with being in control of a "fire hydrant racket" which involved stealing the hydrants and reselling them back to the city under the guise of a new hydrant installation contract.
Having spoken to one of the creature's employees in the construction side of things, it's apparently not that difficult, and can be done by a team of 4.
Stealing and reselling on job sites isn't as hard as doing it with old installed ones, I knew some guys in the electrical industry a few decades ago who did similar things. 
Thanks ShootMyMonkey, your stories have really brightened up my day and cracked me up...as well as building up my sympathy/understanding of a developers plight.
Thanks ShootMyMonkey, your stories have really brightened up my day and cracked me up...as well as building up my sympathy/understanding of a developers plight.
ShootMyMonkey
Veteran
Yeah, well, from what I understand, this is actually theft of installed ones. And then the company would sell contracts to replace all the stolen ones which they themselves actually stole -- and they of course get them because they can bid low since the hydrants were free for them.
It's easy to attach the designation of "organized crime" to stuff like this, and that is technically what it is (even if it doesn't carry the Godfather image). But when you get down to it, it's also such a little thing that it's easy to assume that most any construction company has probably done something like this.
If you want more stories, I've got a million of them, though. The fact that that particular job actually had me serving the roles of coder, manager, IT, audio, effects, and musician means that there's a wealth of hell.
Oh, please keep them coming! This is even better than tech support horror stories. (Which used to be my fave.)ShootMyMonkey said:
ShootMyMonkey
Veteran
It : "You know, I know of this one shop in a back alley where they'll legally get rid of dongle protection. You give them a few hundred bucks and the software, and they'll crack it for you -- no questions asked, totally legal.
Maybe if we do that, we wouldn't have to worry about passing the dongle around all the time."
Me : "Uuuuh... there's nothing legal about that at all. That's fundamentally impossible [for it to be legal]."
It : "No, I'm telling you, it's an actual shop and they charge you actual money for the service."
Me : "People charge you actual money to provide cocaine! That doesn't make it perfectly legal!"
It : "Ooooh... I think I see what you're saying. But... no, seriously, I'm saying."
And some marvels of technical prowess --
It : Why is it that we don't support the bump on our ragdolls?
Our Physics guy : You mean bump mapping and ragdoll together or bump on the ragdolls?
It : The second one. I mean the bump making the ragdoll bumpy.
Our Physics guy : Aside from precision matters that would cause those kinds of high frequency variations to make things go utterly insane, how about the fact that ragdoll assets really don't carry that kind of information in the first place, and since we don't have the source code to Karma or its tools, we can't really do anything about it?
It : But I'm a millionaire.
All the programmers in the room : *Long puzzled stare at the creature in complete silence.*
And of course, one of the classic arguments. This is about a flying vehicle in the game that happened to have two triple-barreled Gatling turrets mounted on both sides.
It : We really need to have these weapons firing from the same point.
Me : "From" the same point or "To" the same point?
It : No, no... from the same point.
Me : Wait a minute. I'm thinking that you're just complaining about the fact that the shots are currently going straight out from the facing of the guns rather than converging at the crosshairs, so you want the shots to lead out *to* the same point.
It : No, no, I mean there shouldn't have to be two streams.
Me : But there are two guns in two locations... You want there to just be one gun now?
It : That doesn't matter. You can have two of them. They should just shoot from the same spot.
Me : But they're not IN the same spot!!
It : I don't see what's so hard to understand about this. There should just be one stream of fire from one spot.
Me : Okay, so you want there to be some sort of connecting arc effect and a stream of bullets to come from the middle instead of the actual gun barrels?
It : No, they should come from the barrels, from all of them.
Me : All six of them?
It : Yes.
Me : So all six distinct locations should instead be one location and the guns will both be at that one point.
It : No, the guns will stay where they are... I like them on the sides.
Me : You just said sides... plural. That means more than one place.
It : No it doesn't.
Me : What do you mean it doesn't? Did you just mean one side, then?
It : If you have two sides of the same thing, it's all just one thing.
Me : But the thing has size! It actually takes up space!
It : Who cares about that? It just has to be in one place, which means the guns are in one place.
Me : So in other words, both the guns are in two distinct locations on the speeder, but their barrels aren't. The barrels are are all at one point somewhere out there, and that is the one and only point that bullets will stream out from.
It : See? It's that simple. You have some brains after all. Now... go drink some coffee, 'cuz you need to wake up, man.
Maybe if we do that, we wouldn't have to worry about passing the dongle around all the time."
Me : "Uuuuh... there's nothing legal about that at all. That's fundamentally impossible [for it to be legal]."
It : "No, I'm telling you, it's an actual shop and they charge you actual money for the service."
Me : "People charge you actual money to provide cocaine! That doesn't make it perfectly legal!"
It : "Ooooh... I think I see what you're saying. But... no, seriously, I'm saying."
And some marvels of technical prowess --
It : Why is it that we don't support the bump on our ragdolls?
Our Physics guy : You mean bump mapping and ragdoll together or bump on the ragdolls?
It : The second one. I mean the bump making the ragdoll bumpy.
Our Physics guy : Aside from precision matters that would cause those kinds of high frequency variations to make things go utterly insane, how about the fact that ragdoll assets really don't carry that kind of information in the first place, and since we don't have the source code to Karma or its tools, we can't really do anything about it?
It : But I'm a millionaire.
All the programmers in the room : *Long puzzled stare at the creature in complete silence.*
And of course, one of the classic arguments. This is about a flying vehicle in the game that happened to have two triple-barreled Gatling turrets mounted on both sides.
It : We really need to have these weapons firing from the same point.
Me : "From" the same point or "To" the same point?
It : No, no... from the same point.
Me : Wait a minute. I'm thinking that you're just complaining about the fact that the shots are currently going straight out from the facing of the guns rather than converging at the crosshairs, so you want the shots to lead out *to* the same point.
It : No, no, I mean there shouldn't have to be two streams.
Me : But there are two guns in two locations... You want there to just be one gun now?
It : That doesn't matter. You can have two of them. They should just shoot from the same spot.
Me : But they're not IN the same spot!!
It : I don't see what's so hard to understand about this. There should just be one stream of fire from one spot.
Me : Okay, so you want there to be some sort of connecting arc effect and a stream of bullets to come from the middle instead of the actual gun barrels?
It : No, they should come from the barrels, from all of them.
Me : All six of them?
It : Yes.
Me : So all six distinct locations should instead be one location and the guns will both be at that one point.
It : No, the guns will stay where they are... I like them on the sides.
Me : You just said sides... plural. That means more than one place.
It : No it doesn't.
Me : What do you mean it doesn't? Did you just mean one side, then?
It : If you have two sides of the same thing, it's all just one thing.
Me : But the thing has size! It actually takes up space!
It : Who cares about that? It just has to be in one place, which means the guns are in one place.
Me : So in other words, both the guns are in two distinct locations on the speeder, but their barrels aren't. The barrels are are all at one point somewhere out there, and that is the one and only point that bullets will stream out from.
It : See? It's that simple. You have some brains after all. Now... go drink some coffee, 'cuz you need to wake up, man.
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scooby_dooby
Legend
ShootMyMonkey said:
That's when you hand him a piece of paper and a pen and tell him to draw the fuckin thing
Tars Tarkus
Newcomer
I realize the phrase is a bit hackneyed but seriously...comedy gold.
