Psycho dad shoots daughter's laptop over whiny Facebook post; puts on Youtube

Are people generally focusing on the method used to destroy the laptop rather than the act and purpose of the destruction itself? Would there be a different reaction considerably from people if he had used a baseball bat or thrown it off a cliff or something? Or are we too wrapped up on the whole gun-toting american cowboy thing?
 
I hate parents like that, absolutely hate 'em. She's 15, that's how 15 year olds are!

Can't think it's the best of home life for her, her dad seems like an asshat authoritarian and did anyone else note the "the way you disrespected me and your mother...and your step-mom" he threw in there? Living through a divorce that young can be hard on a kid, and my own experiences with step-moms has been very less than pleasant.

My sympathies lie entirely with the poor kid who seems to have lost in the parent lottery. My only hope is that karma takes care of her moron father.
 
Destroying her laptop is one thing, a bit childish ... but meh.

Making it all public probably cost him his relationship with his daughter for life, that's going to be a very awkward couple of yours before she can move out.
 
digitalwanderer said:
Living through a divorce that young can be hard on a kid, and my own experiences with step-moms has been very less than pleasant.
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We can trade stories and compare sometime, Diggie, but trust me. . .you'll lose. Mine was the bitch from hell. Even the hospital staff when my dad was dying hated her guts, and she only showed up each day for an hour or so.
 
Not to derail but a bit of defense of step-mom's as my second wife is the Mom my kids never had. She's firm and can be tough but they call her before me (or their biological Mom) when they're in need. She helped my daughter through her toughest period when she wouldn't confide in anyone else and has worked over the last few years to foster a relationship between my daughter and her biological Mom. She's the best thing that ever happened to me and my kids both. In my first marriage there was no home, no sense of family only strife. Today we have a good and happy life that can be best summed up by what my son said three years ago: "I'm sure glad you and Mom got a divorce. Otherwise I would have never known how good life can be."

Please don't take that as an attack on first wives, just a defense of step-parents.
 
tongue_of_colicab said:
How the hell do you manage to get into a fight in Japan?? (I bet they where your US friends? ;))
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Nope, they were Japanese. One of them was a part time bodyguard, so he used the fights as an excuse to stay in shape for his parttime job. But for most of them it was just a way to blow off steam.

Get drunk, see if you can get into a fight, go back to work the next day. Other than that quirk they were great people and hard workers. Work hard, play hard...

digitalwanderer said:
I hate parents like that, absolutely hate 'em. She's 15, that's how 15 year olds are!

Can't think it's the best of home life for her, her dad seems like an asshat authoritarian and did anyone else note the "the way you disrespected me and your mother...and your step-mom" he threw in there? Living through a divorce that young can be hard on a kid, and my own experiences with step-moms has been very less than pleasant.

My sympathies lie entirely with the poor kid who seems to have lost in the parent lottery. My only hope is that karma takes care of her moron father.
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I understand your viewpoint, but I love parents like that. My own father had to show me tough love when I was 14-18. I was in huge danger of going down the wrong path in life after some things that happened to me as a child (8-9 years old) and then my parents going through a seperation soon after those events (that they know nothing about) which eventually lead to a divorce.

Not only did it require tough love, but a move to a different and less populated part of the country as well. In my case had he not used the rod and other methods of punishment that I could not easily ignore, I'd probably have flunked out of highschool and been dead or in prison right now. But instead I ended up graduating in the top of my class, getting accepted to MIT, joining MENSA, and now in the twilight of my life enjoying a fairly comfortable semi-retirement.

Sure I could have still tipped the other way. But if he hadn't done the things he did to try to get my attention, I absolutely would have gone the other way just like many other children in similar situations to mine except who had over-indulgent parents.

Looking at the video and reading the story I don't get the feeling that he's an uncontrolled alcholic or otherwise psychotic parent who bullies and threatens his children for no other reason than they are there when the violent episodes hit.

He tried dealing with it reasonably at first allowing the child the opportunity to take responsibility for their own actions. When that failed to have any effect, as it often does, he eventually resorted to something that hopefully would get through without resorting to physical punishment.

Just like abusive violence can turn a kid bad, so can abusive kindness (where the parents are too kind thinking talk and apeasement can solve everything). Having been on the darker side of things, I intimately know how both sides of that can absolutely encourage a child to go down the wrong path.

And you know what? While I didn't believe it at the time. Parents who enforce tough love when needed actually are hurt more by the fact that they actually have to do it in order to attempt to save you than any punishment the child actually receives. I'm sure it tore the guy apart inside that he has to resort to extreme measures, but even then he avoided physical punishment.

Regards,
SB
 
Mize said:
Back to the thread topic...I told my kids early on that I could snoop and spy on anything they did but that I would never do that ever unless I thought they were in trouble of some sort. I never looked at my daughter's facebook until she friended me (she later deleted it entirely citing the drama and the fact that out of hundreds of "friends" she only really wanted to relate with a few) and I don't read their email or sniff their surfing (other than blocking torrenting at the firewall which was my exchange student).

Trust means a lot and instills a sense of responsibility IMHO. Sure, kids can be crazy and there are times to intercede, but any parent who regularly snoops or attempts to completely control their teenager is simply asking for that equal and opposite forces thing...instead of teaching them how to trust and to be trustworthy they teach them to be sneaky, untrusting and untrustworthy.

Shame.
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These are your opinions, of which I neither entirely agree, nor disagree. Have you ever read nurture shock? The chapter about teens is somewhat interesting.

BTW with regard to corporeal punishment studies have shown it neither more or less traumatic. The studies found that if it was used consistently it did not bother the kid, but if a parent who eschewed corporeal punishment suddenly did it then it was traumatic. So the point is be consistent, don't just get mad and do something out of character.
 
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Sxotty said:
These are your opinions, of which I neither entirely agree, nor disagree. Have you ever read nurture shock? The chapter about teens is somewhat interesting.

BTW with regard to corporeal punishment studies have shown it neither more or less traumatic. The studies found that if it was used consistently it did not bother the kid, but if a parent who eschewed corporeal punishment suddenly did it then it was traumatic. So the point is be consistent, don't just get mad and do something out of character.
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I haven't read nutureshock and I think you may be reading more into what I wrote than I intended. As far as I'm concerned snooping and spying on a child who has given you no reason to is akin to teaching them to do the same. I know it didn't work for my ex-wife who would regularly go through their rooms and/or diaries, etc. and then confront them. I can't describe the damage she did to her relationships with her children and how much energy my wife and I have put into repairing those wounds (I would drink less if my ex-wife weren't invited to dinner 2-3 x per week to spend time with her kids).

There are times for snooping, though, and I've been there. I mentioned my wife and how she helped my daughter who went through a really tough stretch. That involved cutting and suicidal thoughts which I learned about from snooping because my wife keyed into her signs. It turned out the stress of living half-time with her Mom, coupled with Junior high drama/stress in a crappy school were pushing her to a breaking point. We got her into a good school and moved her in with us permanently and she has really blossomed. How many 15 year olds with pierced lips and blue hair hold straight As and make their own clothes from their own patterns? She's a totally different person. Ironically, it was her Mom's household that had no rules, freedom, etc. but she wanted the strict house where she had chores and expectations. I still remember her Mom chastising me in front of her for getting on her about grades "Maybe college just isn't for her."

Anyway, I don't think any book will get every kid just right. Mine are so completely different it wouldn't be possible to generalize and hit them both.

[Edit] On the corporeal punishment thing I'm not a spanker/hitter. My Mom was and I'm not scarred in any way...my older sister a bit as she was smaller and my Mom had a consistent habit of beating us with a shoe which she still has bad feelings about. Anyway, I tried to spank my daughter once when she was about 9 and my aim was off an I hit her leg or something and, for whatever reason, it seemed funny and we both started laughing in spite of how angry we'd been seconds before. That was my only attempt.
 
Nope, not changing my opinion in the slightest on the tool in the video. Another annoyance, "all you have to do is get up and get on the bus every morning!"...he only thinks she has to get on the bus? No thought to her having to put in a day at school, she just has to leave the house and get on the bus. :rolleyes:

The father seems to just see what he wants to see, I sense a definite lack of empathy. :(
 
Mize said:
I haven't read nutureshock and I think you may be reading more into what I wrote than I intended. As far as I'm concerned snooping and spying on a child who has given you no reason to is akin to teaching them to do the same. I know it didn't work for my ex-wife who would regularly go through their rooms and/or diaries, etc. and then confront them. I can't describe the damage she did to her relationships with her children and how much energy my wife and I have put into repairing those wounds (I would drink less if my ex-wife weren't invited to dinner 2-3 x per week to spend time with her kids).

There are times for snooping, though, and I've been there. I mentioned my wife and how she helped my daughter who went through a really tough stretch. That involved cutting and suicidal thoughts which I learned about from snooping because my wife keyed into her signs. It turned out the stress of living half-time with her Mom, coupled with Junior high drama/stress in a crappy school were pushing her to a breaking point. We got her into a good school and moved her in with us permanently and she has really blossomed. How many 15 year olds with pierced lips and blue hair hold straight As and make their own clothes from their own patterns? She's a totally different person. Ironically, it was her Mom's household that had no rules, freedom, etc. but she wanted the strict house where she had chores and expectations. I still remember her Mom chastising me in front of her for getting on her about grades "Maybe college just isn't for her."

Anyway, I don't think any book will get every kid just right. Mine are so completely different it wouldn't be possible to generalize and hit them both.
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That whole post wasn't direct at you :)

The book actually agreed with what you are saying more or less. The chapter on teens said they lied a lot and that hands off parenting generally made things worse. Structure resulted in fewer lies, although it did say that arguing was actually a good thing, which may or may not agree with what you found. It is worth reading I think, but not shocking actually. It is based on scientific studies. However you are right that a book cannot fit all situations and in fact when I read it I was a bit surprised b/c of how far off it was from my recollections of myself at that age. Given I only have a 5 month old though I have quite some time before any of that teenage stuff is relevant to me :)
 
Arguing is key, but you have to know how to argue whether it's your kids or your spouse. As hokey as it sounds, active listening works wonders with both. This is where your kid/spouse shouts/says something to you and the first thing you do is bite your tongue...then say back to them "what I hear you saying is..." and then summarize what you think they are expressing. You might be wrong, in which case they will correct your interpretation, or you might be right, in which case they feel "heard" and amazing things happen. I've tried to teach the technique to the kids' Mom, but she thinks "it's all bullshit" and wants to play the "did too/did not" game with them like she's a third-grader. After getting in fights and calling her daughter a "fucking little bitch" she was shocked - shocked I tell you - to hear her daughter call her that right back at the age of 9.

In many ways she's the most immature.

Anyways, definite yes on arguments.
 
For one I am, a little sad to see such laptop go to waste instead of it being donated to someone who might need it. I am a little torn about the issue of disciplining the kid in such a spartan way. It might be traumatic even. But I can't really fault the dad as it seemed that the child (from how the issue was described from that video) is what psychologists would describe as an "entitled child".
 
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LunchBox said:
I am a little torn about the issue of disciplining the kid in such a spartan way.
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Why does everyone keep pretending the act of shooting the laptop is the punishment? This isn't some reality show where you have to pretend the camera isn't there.

Spartan would be to shoot the laptop ... somewhat justifiable would be shooting the laptop and put something on her private facebook wall about it. This wasn't what he did though ... he spammed the action and his name and by extension hers for the entire community and world to see, that was the punishment ... and it doesn't fit the crime.

It's insanely out of proportion and it will haunt him, as I said ... relationship probably ruined for life.
 
Good point MfA, the punishment was humiliation which is a terrible way to change behaviors.
 
maybe Im way off but what 15 year old girl would be humiliated by this. Its a broken laptop you geeks :p
 
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