Still battling from having 60 fps instead of 65 fps and fighting whose aniso and/or AA is marginally better? 
It seems that I got a life during last year... (I was dropout from GFX hardware quite long already, but now I can't even remember what chip I have in my computer anymore... and honestly don't care either. HD57...erm.. something? And I even bought that thing in Novemeber. Runs nicely GT Legends, enough for me.
Had a bumpy year 2009, lost job, got abcess in my butt, got rid of it, drainage failed, unsuccessfully by it forming a fistel, battling against that infection 4 months with heavy antibiotics and scaring blood poisoning or that bastard destroying my sphincter in daily basis, before removing surgery... unsuccessful first try return home after the surgery and going back via ER to hospital bed due eccessive bleeding... After the abcess drainage, I did not sat down during next 4 days and after fistel removal surgery during next 9 days. not even during nights.
That all made my subconsicous do some magic and that was just begining... Next was mental side, and I had to deal a lot of stuff which I thought to be fine already. How wrong I was. Not going to the details, but due many reasons in my past and selfconsicousness, I went from "guy who haven't got even a hug from girl during last 13 years" to "guy who wants to have a family and even if it's possible, have some kids as well." in just 5 months. That's quite change in short time.
And somehow, stuff that I was really interested in, like the 3D HW, it feels all so meaningless right now. Don't get me wrong I am not sad about the time I spend in to this stuff and I do really still appreciate the trust certain guys in business gave me, but there's time and place to everything and it came my turn to move on. And this area is not only one which has lost it's magic... I am finding myself everyday less and less interested doing mods and running online race championships, which I have been doing over 11 years now...
So something has truly changed. My close friends say that they have noticed it too and most likely my workmates in company where I work now, knows a quite different me than what I was in previous work. Gone are also loong nights when I almost voluntarily did some 18 hour days just to keep the projects in schedule... That not only was stupid in long run, but scrwed totally my sleep cycles. Fixed that in december just making decision that getting sleep at 2:00am and waking up 10:00 maybe even 12:00 was simply bad to mental health. Maybe it was few setbacks in new life which made me change that in just single one night.
So, it might sound funny, but "pain in a butt" has been the best thing ever happened to me... Probably you won't see me much here after this, but that's because I have nothing to say anymore. I did buy my first ever real console ( Surprise, Wii ) in January, but due I losting my heart (as the buying Wii from my sister's boyfriend was originally just plain excuse making some reason "just accidentally" visit same city as my date. ) on that same trip, it's still unopened in that spot where I left off when coming back... Time will show when it's in use. Yet, the life seems to be more real now, even the sad / depressed days reminds me how different and more lifeful everything has turned since. And even when I am in lowest lows, I just take a look of calendar and think where I was in same day last year and everything looks marvellous compared to where I was back then.
But everyone have fun... I do recall how it was to be a real geek freak. good times for that time.
It seems that I got a life during last year... (I was dropout from GFX hardware quite long already, but now I can't even remember what chip I have in my computer anymore... and honestly don't care either. HD57...erm.. something? And I even bought that thing in Novemeber. Runs nicely GT Legends, enough for me.
Had a bumpy year 2009, lost job, got abcess in my butt, got rid of it, drainage failed, unsuccessfully by it forming a fistel, battling against that infection 4 months with heavy antibiotics and scaring blood poisoning or that bastard destroying my sphincter in daily basis, before removing surgery... unsuccessful first try return home after the surgery and going back via ER to hospital bed due eccessive bleeding... After the abcess drainage, I did not sat down during next 4 days and after fistel removal surgery during next 9 days. not even during nights.
That all made my subconsicous do some magic and that was just begining... Next was mental side, and I had to deal a lot of stuff which I thought to be fine already. How wrong I was. Not going to the details, but due many reasons in my past and selfconsicousness, I went from "guy who haven't got even a hug from girl during last 13 years" to "guy who wants to have a family and even if it's possible, have some kids as well." in just 5 months. That's quite change in short time.
And somehow, stuff that I was really interested in, like the 3D HW, it feels all so meaningless right now. Don't get me wrong I am not sad about the time I spend in to this stuff and I do really still appreciate the trust certain guys in business gave me, but there's time and place to everything and it came my turn to move on. And this area is not only one which has lost it's magic... I am finding myself everyday less and less interested doing mods and running online race championships, which I have been doing over 11 years now...
So something has truly changed. My close friends say that they have noticed it too and most likely my workmates in company where I work now, knows a quite different me than what I was in previous work. Gone are also loong nights when I almost voluntarily did some 18 hour days just to keep the projects in schedule... That not only was stupid in long run, but scrwed totally my sleep cycles. Fixed that in december just making decision that getting sleep at 2:00am and waking up 10:00 maybe even 12:00 was simply bad to mental health. Maybe it was few setbacks in new life which made me change that in just single one night.
So, it might sound funny, but "pain in a butt" has been the best thing ever happened to me...
Probably you won't see me much here after this, but that's because I have nothing to say anymore. I did buy my first ever real console ( Surprise, Wii ) in January, but due I losting my heart (as the buying Wii from my sister's boyfriend was originally just plain excuse making some reason "just accidentally" visit same city as my date. ) on that same trip, it's still unopened in that spot where I left off when coming back... Time will show when it's in use. Yet, the life seems to be more real now, even the sad / depressed days reminds me how different and more lifeful everything has turned since. And even when I am in lowest lows, I just take a look of calendar and think where I was in same day last year and everything looks marvellous compared to where I was back then. But everyone have fun... I do recall how it was to be a real geek freak.
good times for that time.
