You're a good Republican if.....

Natoma

Veteran
1. You believe the AIDS virus is spread by amoral behavior and they deserve what they get (Thank you Reverend Phelps, Pat Buchanan, Jerry Falwell, Pat Robertson. Shining examples of the Republican Right)

2. You believe that sex education is best left to abstinence only teachings, even if it shows that sex education has been a force in slowing the rate of STDs in this country and around the world far more than abstinence alone.

3. You believe that closing loopholes to disallow criminals and terrorists from getting guns without background checks at Gun Shows will suddenly criminalize owning a gun and mean the end of society.

4. You believe that Art is a waste of funding, but lining the pockets of millionaires with even more money via tax cuts while vast swaths of the country go without or scrape by is the way to go.

5. You believe that despite all the scientific data showing climatogical effects caused by mankinds activities, we should do nothing whatsoever and continue destroying our environment simply because we can and it won't be our problem to deal with.

6. You believe that anything that isn't christian or christian based is immoral, evil, and needs to be turned to gods glowing warming glowing glow.

7. You're in favor of capital punishment even when it's been shown that our legal system can and does make mistakes and that capital punishment is indeed faulty, but for sex in marriage even when it is not for procreation, even though the man is killing millions of his potential children. Oh the horror.

8. You believe that businesses, especially the ones that show a complete and utter disdain for their customers (tobacco thank you very much), are great for the world because they make fanschmabulous campaign contributions.

9. You believe that everyday citizens don't care about the environment, but loony oil, coal, and timber companies who need to desecrate it in order to get their product do.

10. You believe that showing anyone without a trust fund some compassion and a helping hand is sacrilege. (Dubya, be thankful to your daddy for showing some love to you and begging yale to get you in cause lord knows you wouldn't have gotten there on your merits with your C- average and 1000 SAT)

11. You believe the military is to be used as a first course of action and not as a last resort.

12. You believe the NRA is good because it supports certain parts of the constitution (owning guns even without a background check to look for criminal history), even to the advantage of certain criminal aspects of our society, yet believe the ACLU is bad because it supports certain parts of the constitution (free speech, right to assembly, right to not be unlawfully seized), even to the advantage of certain criminal aspects of our society.

13. You believe that taxes are too low on the poor people making minimum wage and too high on your million dollar stock options.

14. You believe that confederates fighting for slavery is more worthy of a holiday than a black man fighting for freedom (Confederate Memorial Day is recognized in Alabama, Florida, Georgia, Mississippi, North Carolina, South Carolina, Virginia, Kentucky, Louisiana, Tennessee, and Arizona. Yet Martin Luther King couldn't get a holiday in Arizona, without it being repealed shortly thereafter, until 1999)

15. You believe race and gender preferences are the devil incarnate, but legacy preferences are hells bells.

16. You believe that George W. Bush is actually intelligent and got where he is in life because of his talent and not his daddy.

17. You believe that the only reason democracy hasn't taken hold in the middle east yet is because we haven't dropped big enough nuclear bunker busters on their homes to put the ph33r of jeebus into them and turn them from their wicked muslim ways.

18. You believe that conservatives are telling the truth even when they admit they've lied and/or misappropriated evidence to build their case, simply because we got the evil doers.

19. You believe that hate speech and fear mongering by your constituents should be constitutionally protected while love, committment, monogamy, and relational fidelity should be illegal.

20. You believe that illegal funding of Contras in the 80's by our government was somehow in the best interest of the United States.

Yeeeeeeeeee Haaaaaaawwwwwwwwwwww I'm laughing up a storm here. Yip Yip Yip!! Get em dar boys wooooooooo weee!

:LOL:
 
You can allways tell whose a good Democrat by their inability to express an ideology without long and blatent political attacks and special-cases bloating their statements.

I can't even fit this one (as opposed to the other) on a piece of paper. < shakes head >
 
And the wooden spoon award for the biggest stirrer goes to... Natoma!

I believe in point 6 you have misquoted Homer Simpson. The correct phrase is "warm glowing, warming glow", and he was refering to television - not God. You should really try to be more accurate. Joe and Russ will crucify you for mistakes like that. :p

PS: very funny :D
 
Nathan said:
And the wooden spoon award for the biggest stirrer goes to... Natoma!

I believe in point 6 you have misquoted Homer Simpson. The correct phrase is "warm glowing, warming glow", and he was refering to television - not God. You should really try to be more accurate. Joe and Russ will crucify you for mistakes like that. :p

PS: very funny :D

Blast! I knew I was getting it wrong. :D
 
Oh! I forgot #21. You're a good republican if you take yourself too seriously, don't have a sense of humor, and can't laugh at yourself and your foibles, while dishing it back out with some gusto and fun.

Ahhh Vince, my wonderful friendly neighborhood Republican. Welcome. :)
 
Natoma said:
Ahhh Vince, my wonderful friendly neighborhood Republican. Welcome. :)

Hola stranger. I was laughing, I just can't fit the damn thing on a piece of paper. Argh. Can't have a single viewpoint to pass around... well, come to think of it.... ;)
 
Oh!

You're a good republican if you get in trouble over money or Iraq.

You're a good democrat if you get in trouble over sex.
 
11. You believe the military is to be used as a first course of action and not as a last resort.

See not true, we might have to go to war against north korea. Please tell me what else you want to do with them to stop building nuclear weapons. I hope you dont suggest giving them more food and oil to prop up their sicko govermnent.

later,
 
epicstruggle said:
11. You believe the military is to be used as a first course of action and not as a last resort.

See not true, we might have to go to war against north korea. Please tell me what else you want to do with them to stop building nuclear weapons. I hope you dont suggest giving them more food and oil to prop up their sicko govermnent.

later,

Oh come on now epic it's all fun and games. Right Sabastian? :)
 
That was hilarious Natoma. Not quite in the way you intended, but hilarious none-the-less.

How sporting of you to volunteer to be our forum jester! :LOL:
 
The problem with this list is that Natoma tried too hard to connect the items to recognizable policy positions. When the conservatives do these lists, they just make up stuff--and the items are not recognizable because it has even a kernel of truth, they're recognizable because it is the same meaningless BS they've been bellowing in their talk-radio echo chamber for years.
 
antlers said:
The problem with this list is that Natoma tried too hard to connect the items to recognizable policy positions. When the conservatives do this, they just make up stuff--it's not recognizable because it has even a kernel of truth, it's recognizable because it is the same meaningless BS they've been bellowing in their talk-radio echo chamber for years.

Do you proof-read what you type for any semblance of conscious design? I just have to ask.
 
Vince said:
Do you proof-read what you type for any semblance of conscious design? I just have to ask.

Sometimes I forget this is an all-ages forum. I've simplified it just for you.
 
This list would be more homorous if:
-you didn't have to spell out your greivances to get the reader to understand the joke.
-it didn't come across as simply having an axe to grind
-avoided ad hominem attacks and funny spellings to belittle people (one of my personal pet peeves)
-didn't make up facts to fit the joke. (1000 SAT?)
 
You're just not a democrat Russ. Frankly I think my list is funnier when you play it off the absurdity of Sabastian's list. It's more of a comeback list than anything else, and at least mine is steeped in reality. :p
 
RussSchultz said:
Ah yes, the reality of George W. Bush scoring a 1000 on his SAT.

Hey come on now. I had to add just a tinge of exaggeration in this you know. Hell even Sabastian admitted that his list had more exaggeration than mine.

I'm just trying to keep up with the joneses. ;)
 
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