[ShootMyMonkey]

Well that explains the everything, not only is such person working at LucasArts, he was probably hired by someone likeminded.

I think I may not have worded that right. It isn't the crazy moronic bastard creature who was running the shop who is now at LucasArts. The guy we were interviewing back then is now at LucasArts (the guy the creature was trying to convince not to have children so he could work for less money). That guy happens to be a perfectly normal, well-adjusted human being. The creature is something else entirely. Actually, last I cared to look up, the creature was being chased down by the district courts over the theft and illegal resale of fire hydrants.

[flf]

Originally Posted by ShootMyMonkey

Actually, last I cared to look up, the creature was being chased down by the district courts over the theft and illegal resale of fire hydrants.

But you've got to give the guy credit. I mean, have you ever tried to steal a fire hydrant? Not that easy!

[TurnDragoZeroV2G]

Wow. Hahahaha.

[ShootMyMonkey]

But you've got to give the guy credit. I mean, have you ever tried to steal a fire hydrant? Not that easy!

It wasn't really the creature personally doing it. Its other company happens to be a construction company and the creature was indicted with being in control of a "fire hydrant racket" which involved stealing the hydrants and reselling them back to the city under the guise of a new hydrant installation contract.

Having spoken to one of the creature's employees in the construction side of things, it's apparently not that difficult, and can be done by a team of 4.

[digitalwanderer]

Stealing and reselling on job sites isn't as hard as doing it with old installed ones, I knew some guys in the electrical industry a few decades ago who did similar things.

Thanks ShootMyMonkey, your stories have really brightened up my day and cracked me up...as well as building up my sympathy/understanding of a developers plight.

[ShootMyMonkey]

Stealing and reselling on job sites isn't as hard as doing it with old installed ones, I knew some guys in the electrical industry a few decades ago who did similar things.

Yeah, well, from what I understand, this is actually theft of installed ones. And then the company would sell contracts to replace all the stolen ones which they themselves actually stole -- and they of course get them because they can bid low since the hydrants were free for them.

It's easy to attach the designation of "organized crime" to stuff like this, and that is technically what it is (even if it doesn't carry the Godfather image). But when you get down to it, it's also such a little thing that it's easy to assume that most any construction company has probably done something like this.

If you want more stories, I've got a million of them, though. The fact that that particular job actually had me serving the roles of coder, manager, IT, audio, effects, and musician means that there's a wealth of hell.

[digitalwanderer]

Originally Posted by ShootMyMonkey

If you want more stories, I've got a million of them, though.

Oh, please keep them coming! This is even better than tech support horror stories. (Which used to be my fave.)

[ShootMyMonkey]

It : "You know, I know of this one shop in a back alley where they'll legally get rid of dongle protection. You give them a few hundred bucks and the software, and they'll crack it for you -- no questions asked, totally legal.
Maybe if we do that, we wouldn't have to worry about passing the dongle around all the time."
Me : "Uuuuh... there's nothing legal about that at all. That's fundamentally impossible [for it to be legal]."
It : "No, I'm telling you, it's an actual shop and they charge you actual money for the service."
Me : "People charge you actual money to provide cocaine! That doesn't make it perfectly legal!"
It : "Ooooh... I think I see what you're saying. But... no, seriously, I'm saying."

And some marvels of technical prowess --
It : Why is it that we don't support the bump on our ragdolls?
Our Physics guy : You mean bump mapping and ragdoll together or bump on the ragdolls?
It : The second one. I mean the bump making the ragdoll bumpy.
Our Physics guy : Aside from precision matters that would cause those kinds of high frequency variations to make things go utterly insane, how about the fact that ragdoll assets really don't carry that kind of information in the first place, and since we don't have the source code to Karma or its tools, we can't really do anything about it?
It : But I'm a millionaire.
All the programmers in the room : *Long puzzled stare at the creature in complete silence.*

And of course, one of the classic arguments. This is about a flying vehicle in the game that happened to have two triple-barreled Gatling turrets mounted on both sides.

It : We really need to have these weapons firing from the same point.
Me : "From" the same point or "To" the same point?
It : No, no... from the same point.
Me : Wait a minute. I'm thinking that you're just complaining about the fact that the shots are currently going straight out from the facing of the guns rather than converging at the crosshairs, so you want the shots to lead out *to* the same point.
It : No, no, I mean there shouldn't have to be two streams.
Me : But there are two guns in two locations... You want there to just be one gun now?
It : That doesn't matter. You can have two of them. They should just shoot from the same spot.
Me : But they're not IN the same spot!!
It : I don't see what's so hard to understand about this. There should just be one stream of fire from one spot.
Me : Okay, so you want there to be some sort of connecting arc effect and a stream of bullets to come from the middle instead of the actual gun barrels?
It : No, they should come from the barrels, from all of them.
Me : All six of them?
It : Yes.
Me : So all six distinct locations should instead be one location and the guns will both be at that one point.
It : No, the guns will stay where they are... I like them on the sides.
Me : You just said sides... plural. That means more than one place.
It : No it doesn't.
Me : What do you mean it doesn't? Did you just mean one side, then?
It : If you have two sides of the same thing, it's all just one thing.
Me : But the thing has size! It actually takes up space!
It : Who cares about that? It just has to be in one place, which means the guns are in one place.
Me : So in other words, both the guns are in two distinct locations on the speeder, but their barrels aren't. The barrels are are all at one point somewhere out there, and that is the one and only point that bullets will stream out from.
It : See? It's that simple. You have some brains after all. Now... go drink some coffee, 'cuz you need to wake up, man.

[dskneo]

sh*t lolll

[linthat22]

Originally Posted by ShootMyMonkey

It : But I'm a millionaire.

LOL

[AlStrong]

roflmfao


omg, this thread is gold.

[scooby_dooby]

Originally Posted by ShootMyMonkey

It : We really need to have these weapons firing from the same point.
Me : "From" the same point or "To" the same point?
It : No, no... from the same point.
Me : Wait a minute. I'm thinking that you're just complaining about the fact that the shots are currently going straight out from the facing of the guns rather than converging at the crosshairs, so you want the shots to lead out *to* the same point.
It : No, no, I mean there shouldn't have to be two streams.
Me : But there are two guns in two locations... You want there to just be one gun now?
It : That doesn't matter. You can have two of them. They should just shoot from the same spot.
Me : But they're not IN the same spot!!
It : I don't see what's so hard to understand about this. There should just be one stream of fire from one spot.

That's when you hand him a piece of paper and a pen and tell him to draw the fuckin thing

[Tars Tarkus]

"Do you speak English?"... I was a bit puzzled, but answered in the affirmative. Now this wouldn't have been so bad if not for the *second* question he asked me, which was... "Are you sure?"

I realize the phrase is a bit hackneyed but seriously...comedy gold.

[digitalwanderer]

[NANOTEC]

Originally Posted by ShootMyMonkey

The fact that that particular job actually had me serving the roles of coder, manager, IT, audio, effects, and musician means that there's a wealth of hell.

[nintenho]

Originally Posted by ShootMyMonkey

There were other programmers interviewed, however, where he says more appalling things, including --
"Let me tell you something, I was already set to hire you from the start, you know... because you're black. And it's always such a good thing to see a black guy who's not selling drugs."

Trying to convince someone to take lower pay --
"I understand you have a family. I have one, too... Y know, on that subject, one of the things my wife and I did was to use one of those ovulation machines to determine when we do it. You should really try to do the same thing so you know when to avoid it."
Yes, he said "ovulation machine", and the rest of us were sitting with looks of shock on our faces thinking 'why on earth is he talking to this guy about his sex life!! This is a job interview!' BTW, the guy we interviewed then was someone I got to work with later, and he's moved around a bit since. Last I heard, he's now a team lead at LucasArts.

That's when you know the problem is out of your hands

[Shifty Geezer]

Originally Posted by ShootMyMonkey

It : See? It's that simple. You have some brains after all. Now... go drink some coffee, 'cuz you need to wake up, man.

I guess this guys well read in quantum physics

You'd probably have a better career taking this stuff into books and on stage. Plenty other people have!

[NavNucST3]

Originally Posted by Shifty Geezer

I guess this guys well read in quantum physics

You'd probably have a better career taking this stuff into books and on stage. Plenty other people have!

We prefer Quantum Mechanics, and I suppose one of the field theories of QFT could be applicable in "IT"s pseudo-world

[Hifi_Mies]

Here's something that suits quite well on topic

[scooby_dooby]

LOL, my Project Manager posted that outside her office last week. So true! (i dunno about the programmer part....but i digress )

[ShootMyMonkey]

I guess this guys well read in quantum physics

Funny you should mention that, since it apparently watched enough Discovery Channel to make a few connections without knowing what it's talking about. Anytime I brought up physics-related issues with small objects and high frequencies causing unstable or near-singular matrices, the conversations would carry on in strange ways...
For example --
It : "But isn't that a good thing? Because it means we can have black holes in the game. That would be just terrific what with Hitler creating black holes and stuff."
Me : "D'oohhhh... Shoot my monkey... Not... that... kind of singularity."
It : "Oooh... but... then --"
Me : "And how did Hitler come into the picture?"
It : "Well, that doesn't matter... so it's like a quantum singularity, then?"
Me : "Do you even know what that is?"
It : "Sure, it's like the single things and the quantums become the thing."
Me : "Ummm... right... that's exactly it. But that's not what I'm talking about either. And no, there's no connections here to 'quantums' and Hitler."
It : "Ooooohhhh... 'Quantum Hitler'... I like it, I like it."
Me : *sigh*~ "Oh, boy..."
It : "It sounds all futuristic, but it's like blending the old with the new. Like a flying Harley-Davidson."
Me : "Yes, that's exactly what 'Quantum Hitler' is... a flying Harley. How about you write up a design doc about that and post it on the server so everyone can see it?"
It : "Great. I'll do that right now."
Me : "Yes... and I'll get back to work."

And yes, that is where the handle "ShootMyMonkey" came from, though this example wasn't the first time I'd uttered it at that job (though I'd never used it until I had that job). I'll give the creature some credit, though... I wouldn't have expected it to have the brain power to connect "singular" with black holes.

Also, it very frequently tried to pretend it knew how to code (supposedly to try and get on the good side of us programmers) by finding various code and scripts on the web and printing them out claiming that he wrote them. The best part is not only is it painfully obvious that the creature doesn't understand any of the concepts used in the source (e.g. bitmasks, arrays... types), but it doesn't even bother to change any of the comments, including the names of the original authors. So there will be code from some random guys, and even some people whose names we're all aware of.

Example case --
Me : "You wrote this?"
It : "Yeah."
Me : "You...?"
It : "You bet."
Me : "So why does it say 'Daniel Vollmer' right there?"
It : "Oh, that's just an alias I use when I put code online."
Me : "And I guess that goes as well for those other cases with the names 'Mark Kilgard' and 'Dave Kylie' and 'Thomas Pytel' on them"
It : "Yep."
Me : "Uh huh... And the reason for all these aliases?"
It : "Well, you know, it's just so when these things show up online, y'know... If I used my real name... everybody would think 'Oh, this big millionaire is wasting his time writing code like a common citizen' and all."
Me : "..............................."
It : "I even use multiple ones so people think it's more than one person, y'know. I don't ... y'know... ... want them to get the wrong idea ... y'know? "
Me : "Okay, why are you winking? That's creepy..."

[Shifty Geezer]

How did it get to be a millionaire?

[ShootMyMonkey]

How did it get to be a millionaire?

The creature made a lot of outlandish claims about starting from nothing, but based on some of the things that it seems to feel are worth bragging about, some of the stories told via other family members, and the fact that it never got its stories straight, and the fact that some of its stories are actually impossible (e.g. washing plates and silverware at McDonald's -- which somehow later became IHOP)... Everybody is actually more than certain that the creature inherited its wealth.

Also realize that the very nature of its construction company is such that they underbid a project to get the contract, and when they exceed the figures, they make it look as though it was the city's mistake on the original spec, and thereby sue the city for far more than the difference in cost making it sound as if things have to be done over again when they really don't. Pretty much something that I'd think every construction company does every so often.

What I really love about all the attempts the creature makes to pretend it can code is that it will often look at our code and ask really stupid questions like...
"I think you guys should just straight up and write the code rather than wasting so much time changing the font colors."
"So why do you guys spend all this time writing the code for these function thingies and then voiding it in the end?"
"How can you void a multiplication? Is that like for blonde girl math?"

[Shifty Geezer]

It's scary. I wonder where such things come from and how many there are in the world? I've heard of incompetant management, but a totally inhuman, alien consciousness is a new one on me,

[Npl]

"I think you guys should just straight up and write the code rather than wasting so much time changing the font colors."

I dont know if I should be scared, but Im getting addicted to that creature-stories. Great Thread.

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