Beyond3D Forum

chavvdarrr · 04-Apr-2003, 07:26

I'm not sure if it's ok but yesterday i saw several jokes about the war some of them really funny IMHO . Perhaps such things can "refresh" the debates? Anyway , excuse me for the quality of translation and I hope you'll find something funny in these too. Don't be shy to add more.

Announcements:
- group of bankers gives 1 bln $ for Saddam's head
- group of cloning specialists invite Saddam Husein for mutual collaboration

Saddam felt bad and went to a clairvoyant. "You'll die on a general holiday of USA". "Which one?" asked Saddam. ""Doesn't matter, whenever you die it'll be general holiday in USA"

Raised Slogan:
You still believe in international law? You still don't know what 'democracy' means? You still extract your oil?
Then we'll come to you too!

USA & UK are horrified: They found out the real name of Saddam Husein:
Duncan McLoud

Iraqi pilot is flying with Mig29. Suddenly he sees enemy fighter coming at him. He quickly opens "Tutorial for flight combat" and finds the chapter "fight with a single enemy plane". "Hit button 1" says tutorial. he presses button 1, a rocket fires, hits the fighter. "Allha akbar" thinks the pilot. Then he sees 2 fighters, looks at next chapter. It says "hit button 2". he presses button 2, 2 rockets fire& hit fighters. "Allah akbar, allah akbar". Then he sees 12 enemy fighters. With shaking hands he lists through the tutorial, last sheet label is "fight with even more fighters", and the text is "press button 3". He presses button 3. The backwall of the cabin opens, a russian pilot comes from there. "Get up!" he says. "I'm taking control from here"

DemoCoder · 04-Apr-2003, 07:44

Iraqi pilot gets in cockpit and taxis out of high school garage he was hiding in. Hit by smart bomb before takeoff killing Iraqi and Russian.

K.I.L.E.R · 04-Apr-2003, 07:55

Bush(or me

): I want to have anal with Saddam.

Saddam: NO! I want to have anal with Bush!

SomeNudeGuy: NO! I want to have anal with both Bush and Saddam!

Everyone: Whoops, you have been busted by a bunker buster.

Silent_One · 04-Apr-2003, 14:53

Not sure if this counts but this is true (a least was reported in the news)-

In the New York Times newspaper , April 3, 2003, front page article,
a local man in a liberated town when asked what he wanted from Americans he said "Democracy, whiskey, and sexy"!

After that he said water.

Also last night (April 3) on MSNBC's Hard Ball w/ Chris Matthews, Matthews was talking live with a embeded reporter with the 3rd ID going into the Baghdad airport. The reporter said that resistance (at the time) was light and local citizens were supportive of the Americans. When asked by Matthews what the citizens are saying the reporter said "one man asked for Howard Stern tapes"

At that point Matthews could not believe his ears and said "your kidding me!" but lost contact with the reporter

RussSchultz · 04-Apr-2003, 20:03

In Baghdad, Saddam's personal physician called a meeting
of all twenty-four of the Saddam look-alikes.
"Men, I've got some good news and I've got some bad news."
The twenty-four mustached men sat quietly, awaiting the physician to continue.
"The good news is that Saddam is still alive."
Twenty-four men stood up as one and cheered.
"The bad new is ... he lost an arm."

MuFu · 04-Apr-2003, 20:37

Where does Saddam keep his CDs?

In Iraq.

When does Saddam have his dinner?

When Tariq Aziz.

MuFu.

RussSchultz · 04-Apr-2003, 20:40

I heard they closed all the K-Marts in Bahgdad - They are turning them into Targets.....

MuFu · 04-Apr-2003, 20:43

This is brilliant...

MuFu.

Himself · 04-Apr-2003, 21:44

Sxotty · 04-Apr-2003, 22:07

There is the "Can you hear me NOW?" picture, on the humor source, but I can't find the image link Part of the reason it is so funny to me is it makes Bush look like a short dumpy guy too. as well as the obvious

chavvdarrr · 06-Apr-2003, 13:11

Quote:

Originally Posted by MuFu

Where does Saddam keep his CDs?

In Iraq.

When does Saddam have his dinner?

When Tariq Aziz.

sorry, I don't get it... would you explain ?

Humus · 08-Apr-2003, 00:39

The first one is obvious, in Iraq (= in a rack). Haven't been able to decrypt the other one though.

MuFu · 08-Apr-2003, 00:44

Sing us a song, Humus.

MuFu.

nutball · 08-Apr-2003, 08:15

Quote:

Originally Posted by Humus

The first one is obvious, in Iraq (= in a rack). Haven't been able to decrypt the other one though.

When Tariq Has His...

Sharkfood · 08-Apr-2003, 08:31

The funniest thing concerning the war I've heard was a statement by one of the various news commentators:

"How could we possibly expect the French to help us remove Saddam from Iraq when they wouldnt help us remove Hitler from France."

MuFu · 08-Apr-2003, 13:23

Quote:

Originally Posted by nutball

Quote:

Originally Posted by Humus

The first one is obvious, in Iraq (= in a rack). Haven't been able to decrypt the other one though.

When Tariq Has His...

You'd think... told my friend who speaks Arabic that joke and he said "you meant when Dtuurr'k Assssiiiis?", or something along those lines. He still found it funny but I think he was laughing at me more than the joke.

MuFu.

nutball · 08-Apr-2003, 15:30

Yes, I did wonder whether the "In Iraq" would be quite so funny if you pronounce it Eye-rack as certain politicians seem to want to do.

He keeps his CDs in Eye-rack? Huh? :?

MuFu · 08-Apr-2003, 17:39

Quote:

Originally Posted by nutball

Yes, I did wonder whether the "In Iraq" would be quite so funny if you pronounce it Eye-rack as certain politicians seem to want to do.

LOL, yeah. I notice Bush stopped saying "eye-rack" a while ago.

MuFu.

Humus · 08-Apr-2003, 23:59

Quote:

Originally Posted by MuFu

Sing us a song, Humus.

MuFu.

http://esprit.campus.luth.se/~humus/temp/HumusVoice.mp3

Quite old ... upped it once for some Rage3D thread

MuFu · 09-Apr-2003, 00:10

Hehe - my comment was in reference to that clip. I have it saved, for whenever I'm feeling low it puts a smile on my face.

MuFu.

Silent_One · 09-Apr-2003, 01:46

Humus-
Don't you pay taxes for free singing lessons too?

(jk)

jb · 09-Apr-2003, 21:22

Now that American Aircraft and Military have reorganized Iraq's landscape, US intelligence has discovered that the they have renamed some of their towns.
These new names include:
1. Wherz-Myroof
2. Mykamel-Izded
3. Osheet-Disisabad
4. Waddi-El-Izgowinon
5. Pleez-Ztopdishiet
6. Kizz-Yerazz-Goodbi
7. Ikantstan-Disnomore
8. Wha-Tafuk-Wazi-Tinkin
9. Myturbin-Izburnin

nutball · 09-Apr-2003, 21:27

Sheikh Al Bundi.

Wadi Ya Want?

Humus · 09-Apr-2003, 23:38

Quote:

Originally Posted by Silent_One

Humus-
Don't you pay taxes for free singing lessons too?

(jk)

Well, we do have music education throughout compulsary school, but that didn't help me. :P

Gollum · 13-Apr-2003, 19:06

While not exactly a joke, I found this funny none the less:

Did you know that there are still 2 ships in the Iraqi Navy? They are in a NATO military harbour in La Spezia Italy, right next to the shipyard where they were purchased. Originally Iraq ordered 11 ships from Italy in the 80ies, but due to the embargo they weren't allowed to leave the harbour since 1986. Iraq in turn refused to pay the remaining bill, so the 9 other ships ended up in the Italian Navy. Still, the 2 ships that were paid for in advance are still in the service of the "Iraqi Navy", still haven't left said harbour even once (been there for like 18 years now), and the best part is they actually have a crew of 12 sailors and an admiral stationed and living on those ships (at least for something like the past year now)! Sometimes this a weird, weird world...

04-Apr-2003, 07:26	#1
chavvdarrr Senior Member Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: Sofia, BG Posts: 1,136	Jokes about the war I'm not sure if it's ok but yesterday i saw several jokes about the war some of them really funny IMHO . Perhaps such things can "refresh" the debates? Anyway , excuse me for the quality of translation and I hope you'll find something funny in these too. Don't be shy to add more. Announcements: - group of bankers gives 1 bln $ for Saddam's head - group of cloning specialists invite Saddam Husein for mutual collaboration Saddam felt bad and went to a clairvoyant. "You'll die on a general holiday of USA". "Which one?" asked Saddam. ""Doesn't matter, whenever you die it'll be general holiday in USA" Raised Slogan: You still believe in international law? You still don't know what 'democracy' means? You still extract your oil? Then we'll come to you too! USA & UK are horrified: They found out the real name of Saddam Husein: Duncan McLoud Iraqi pilot is flying with Mig29. Suddenly he sees enemy fighter coming at him. He quickly opens "Tutorial for flight combat" and finds the chapter "fight with a single enemy plane". "Hit button 1" says tutorial. he presses button 1, a rocket fires, hits the fighter. "Allha akbar" thinks the pilot. Then he sees 2 fighters, looks at next chapter. It says "hit button 2". he presses button 2, 2 rockets fire& hit fighters. "Allah akbar, allah akbar". Then he sees 12 enemy fighters. With shaking hands he lists through the tutorial, last sheet label is "fight with even more fighters", and the text is "press button 3". He presses button 3. The backwall of the cabin opens, a russian pilot comes from there. "Get up!" he says. "I'm taking control from here"

04-Apr-2003, 07:55	#3
K.I.L.E.R Retarded moron Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: Australia, Melbourne Posts: 2,949	Bush(or me ): I want to have anal with Saddam. Saddam: NO! I want to have anal with Bush! SomeNudeGuy: NO! I want to have anal with both Bush and Saddam! Everyone: Whoops, you have been busted by a bunker buster. __________________ I eat coffee.

04-Apr-2003, 20:03	#5
RussSchultz Professional Malcontent Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: HTTP 404 Posts: 2,855	In Baghdad, Saddam's personal physician called a meeting of all twenty-four of the Saddam look-alikes. "Men, I've got some good news and I've got some bad news." The twenty-four mustached men sat quietly, awaiting the physician to continue. "The good news is that Saddam is still alive." Twenty-four men stood up as one and cheered. "The bad new is ... he lost an arm." __________________ Sigmatel, R.I.P. Me[X-------:--------]You

04-Apr-2003, 20:40	#7
RussSchultz Professional Malcontent Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: HTTP 404 Posts: 2,855	I heard they closed all the K-Marts in Bahgdad - They are turning them into Targets..... __________________ Sigmatel, R.I.P. Me[X-------:--------]You

08-Apr-2003, 00:39	#12
Humus Crazy coder Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: Stockholm, Sweden Posts: 3,216	The first one is obvious, in Iraq (= in a rack). Haven't been able to decrypt the other one though. __________________ [ Visit my site ] I speak for myself and only myself.

04-Apr-2003, 07:44	#2
DemoCoder Regular Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: California Posts: 4,732	Iraqi pilot gets in cockpit and taxis out of high school garage he was hiding in. Hit by smart bomb before takeoff killing Iraqi and Russian.

04-Apr-2003, 14:53	#4
Silent_One Member Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: Milford, Conn., USA Posts: 93	Not sure if this counts but this is true (a least was reported in the news)- In the New York Times newspaper , April 3, 2003, front page article, a local man in a liberated town when asked what he wanted from Americans he said "Democracy, whiskey, and sexy"! After that he said water. Also last night (April 3) on MSNBC's Hard Ball w/ Chris Matthews, Matthews was talking live with a embeded reporter with the 3rd ID going into the Baghdad airport. The reporter said that resistance (at the time) was light and local citizens were supportive of the Americans. When asked by Matthews what the citizens are saying the reporter said "one man asked for Howard Stern tapes" At that point Matthews could not believe his ears and said "your kidding me!" but lost contact with the reporter

04-Apr-2003, 20:37	#6
MuFu Chief Spastic Baboon Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: Location, Location with Kirstie Allsopp Posts: 2,258	Where does Saddam keep his CDs? In Iraq. When does Saddam have his dinner? When Tariq Aziz. MuFu.

04-Apr-2003, 20:43	#8
MuFu Chief Spastic Baboon Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: Location, Location with Kirstie Allsopp Posts: 2,258	This is brilliant... MuFu.

04-Apr-2003, 21:44	#9
Himself Member Join Date: Sep 2002 Posts: 381

04-Apr-2003, 22:07	#10
Sxotty Senior Member Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Under a Crushing Burden Posts: 4,290	There is the "Can you hear me NOW?" picture, on the humor source, but I can't find the image link Part of the reason it is so funny to me is it makes Bush look like a short dumpy guy too. as well as the obvious

08-Apr-2003, 00:44	#13
MuFu Chief Spastic Baboon Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: Location, Location with Kirstie Allsopp Posts: 2,258	Sing us a song, Humus. MuFu.

08-Apr-2003, 08:31	#15
Sharkfood Member Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: Bay Area, California Posts: 702	The funniest thing concerning the war I've heard was a statement by one of the various news commentators: "How could we possibly expect the French to help us remove Saddam from Iraq when they wouldnt help us remove Hitler from France."

08-Apr-2003, 15:30	#17
nutball Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: en.gb.uk Posts: 1,550	Yes, I did wonder whether the "In Iraq" would be quite so funny if you pronounce it Eye-rack as certain politicians seem to want to do. He keeps his CDs in Eye-rack? Huh? :?

09-Apr-2003, 00:10	#20
MuFu Chief Spastic Baboon Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: Location, Location with Kirstie Allsopp Posts: 2,258	Hehe - my comment was in reference to that clip. I have it saved, for whenever I'm feeling low it puts a smile on my face. MuFu.

09-Apr-2003, 01:46	#21
Silent_One Member Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: Milford, Conn., USA Posts: 93	Humus- Don't you pay taxes for free singing lessons too? (jk)

09-Apr-2003, 21:22	#22
jb Senior Member Join Date: Feb 2002 Posts: 1,636	Now that American Aircraft and Military have reorganized Iraq's landscape, US intelligence has discovered that the they have renamed some of their towns. These new names include: 1. Wherz-Myroof 2. Mykamel-Izded 3. Osheet-Disisabad 4. Waddi-El-Izgowinon 5. Pleez-Ztopdishiet 6. Kizz-Yerazz-Goodbi 7. Ikantstan-Disnomore 8. Wha-Tafuk-Wazi-Tinkin 9. Myturbin-Izburnin

09-Apr-2003, 21:27	#23
nutball Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: en.gb.uk Posts: 1,550	Sheikh Al Bundi. Wadi Ya Want?

13-Apr-2003, 19:06	#25
Gollum Senior Member Join Date: May 2002 Location: germany Posts: 1,217	While not exactly a joke, I found this funny none the less: Did you know that there are still 2 ships in the Iraqi Navy? They are in a NATO military harbour in La Spezia Italy, right next to the shipyard where they were purchased. Originally Iraq ordered 11 ships from Italy in the 80ies, but due to the embargo they weren't allowed to leave the harbour since 1986. Iraq in turn refused to pay the remaining bill, so the 9 other ships ended up in the Italian Navy. Still, the 2 ships that were paid for in advance are still in the service of the "Iraqi Navy", still haven't left said harbour even once (been there for like 18 years now), and the best part is they actually have a crew of 12 sailors and an admiral stationed and living on those ships (at least for something like the past year now)! Sometimes this a weird, weird world... __________________ We can learn much from silence.

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